Her superman 14

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
Part 14

Submitted: January 31, 2013

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Submitted: January 31, 2013

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December 29, 2012

I am here once again to the place I shouldn’t be, but I knew I would be. I am laying here listening to the songs I wasn’t a fan of, but now I listen to them all the time remembering the times we had together, and reliving them in my mind. Why do we torture ourselves? Why do we torture ourselves with memories? Of the times that were, and wanting those memories to be present now, to relive them; but they can’t happen again, because every single moment only happens once. Is that what this means? That our moment is over? I tried talking to you and it seems as though you were going well, but after a while it feels as though you have distanced yourself. I feel more like an acquaintance, than what you call me, I didn’t think I would be so happy now that you call me that; but am I that? Am I still that to you? You have your guard up, I know it, I can feel it. I shouldn’t have expected things to go back to how they were, but I did; because someone with those feelings are always fooled by the one they want. A wise man once said we are fooled by the thing we love the most, that is true. Is that what is happening? Am I being fooled? You are holding back and I can feel it, I feel as though I don’t know you are anymore, or who you are being truthful to, them being your friends, or me. You seem fine, but when you talk to me, you tell me that you aren’t, so to whom are you giving what face? And which is the truth? I will never know it. I thought I did, that I knew you, but I guess I don’t, just like in a poem I read, I don’t know it word by word, but I know it goes something along the lines of that even though are knowing at deaths door we don’t know half of who we truly are. I think that’s true. I think we don’t truly know who we are, no amount of time will we know. That is what I thought with you. The amount that we would have together would never be enough, but now that isn’t existent, because we aren’t together but you say we are. You say I am something, but you don’t show it. You don’t make me feel as though I am the title that you give me. You woke up early today. I don’t know why. That is not like you. To be honest I think and feel as though there is someone else. Perhaps you think the same of me, but I doubt it, because everyone pales in comparison to you in every way possible. I think of you more now than before and that is not helping, because I shouldn’t be thinking of you anymore, but like always you have this hold of me that I can’t let go of. I don’t know what it is about you, but you are the only person that has that one me. That I go back for, and pulls me closer to them. I guess this is what they show in those cheesy movies. I wonder what you are doing now. I don’t know what it is because you don’t talk to me. You don’t talk to me like you used to, or tell me every single thing that you think, feel, your opinions, you don’t give me that anymore. I shouldn’t have taken those times for granted, those moments of vulnerability that you gave me. That is what I strived for. To be your full and complete self that you could to me, but you aren’t anymore, but I don’t know why that stopped to be exact, but it seems as though you aren’t the person I fell in love with anymore; but I know she is still in there; my girl with the smile, the laugh, the eyes, the hair, the skin; everything. I hope in time we go back to where we were, or better yet move forward. That is up to you.


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