Her Superman 5

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
part 5

Submitted: August 22, 2012

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Submitted: August 22, 2012

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I am sitting here once again thinking of you while listening to the story of us. What I was composing for you. The weirdest things make me think of you and got me to this place that I am right now. This girl was saying she needed to wash her face and with that simple line it made me think of you because you always did that at night. I was say I would leave because I didn’t like waiting, but truth is I would wait as long as you would need. Reminds me of the quote I told you not long ago “If you aren’t long I will wait here all my life”. I guess in a way I am still waiting for you, but what am I really waiting for now that we are over? Those words obviously don’t sink in. I see that you go online and I smile because I know in same way that you are ok. When I don’t see that you are on I wonder what you are doing or thinking. If you are ok, but I still have that feeling that I need to protect you. You said you loved that about me, but it was also a bad thing you said because you said I treated you like a child when I said I didn’t want you to drive five hours on the road by yourself. I didn’t think you weren’t capable of doing it. I just know that you use your phone while driving and knowing that something could happen to you would be unbearable just the thought of it hurts me more than I am hurting now. It’s funny how the simple things are the ones that remind me of you. I can’t help but smile when I hear those things but then I am quickly in this state that I can’t keep you out of my mind, granted that cheesy saying maybe you should be in there right? I have tried to get over you by forgetting the good in you and only remembering the bad, but that is so hard to remember at this moment. I knew we fought a lot but most if not none of those I can remember. Instead I remember all the pointless conversations that went nowhere but found meaning in it all. How the time with you pass so easily and not realize that it was 6 in the morning and all we did was talk since when we first got up. I miss those nights when I am laying on my bed. My thoughts when I wake up and go to bed are still of you. We talked a few days ago for the first time, my hands started shaking and my heart beating so quickly I couldn’t breathe. The conversation didn’t go as I would have thought, but then again life doesn’t go as planned as we both know. Maybe you’d like what I am up to since I never told you what I had been doing. I didn’t tell you because I liked knowing about your day, you are my favorite subject you would say and you are still mine. I may not be getting better with my condition but I will. I know you may not say it but I know you want me to get better. You are the person who made me so strong and yet so weak. At times I must admit I forget you well not forget but get you out of my mind but then I come back to you. Thinking of how we were and how much I want that back because I still have those emotions for you maybe they’re even stronger than before now that I lost you. I am simply trying to take things day by day and hope that it hurts less tomorrow but I know it won’t be until I don’t know how long. I am starting a class next week here around town until I start school again. I know you are probably reading this well at least I hope so and seeing how awful I am writing, but you know I was never much of a writer. We would have come back from out trip tomorrow and hopefully you would have liked it. I am sure you would. You would say anything that I did you would love and I believe it. We would have taken picture that I would hate and you know I hate them. We would have gone to my friend’s wedding this weekend and you were going to say all the things you liked and didn’t like. I know you always loved getting ideas for our wedding. I’m still not sure if I should go because the bride will make me think of how you’d look in your dress. That our wedding will never happen, but the most important thing is that I won’t be standing by you lifting your veil looking into your eyes and saying I do to the most beautiful and amazing woman in the world. I miss you so much it physically hurts and drains me and I end up sleeping like I did yesterday. I dreamed you were in my arms and I was calling you mine once again. It was a simple dream maybe something I took for granted before. You were staring outside my window when I called your name. You turned around and gave me that smile and came towards me and kissed me. You said to lay back down and rest as you came into the bed with me and rested your head on my chest and slept. You looked tired and up for days but you finally slept and kicked me around like I knew you would. I woke up with no one by my side. I miss you. I love you snowflake.


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