Her Superman 8

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
Part 8

Submitted: September 16, 2012

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Submitted: September 16, 2012

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Well it would be an understatement to say a lot has happened since the 28th of August. It’s hard to remember all the highlights and low points of our journey. I will start off with the best news first. We got back together. I say that with happiness but not with a smile. The smile is absent at this moment because I have a gut feeling something is wrong. You see you invited him over today because you say you remembered about how I kept her a secret from you. The thing is I think you felt something seeing his presence there. You invited him to your house and to spend time with you. Who would do that to someone they hardly know and want nothing to do with? I feel like a fool because I believe you and I feel as though I shouldn’t. He slept at your house and in your bed passed out. I feel like there is something going on between you too and talking about our wedding is simply a cover up. I do feel like you want that but that’s only temporary. You want it and then you don’t just like you say you don’t want children. You keep setting up hypothetical’s that your pregnant and it hurts me to no end but I act as though it doesn’t because I don’t want you to see how much it bothers me that you have these thoughts to begin with. I feel as though you are playing him and leading him on but especially me. I know this sounds one sided because these are only my thoughts and I know I have been in the wrong in the past, but I don’t think this gives you the right to do these things on purpose. That is what it feels like that you do these things on purpose to hurt me. Maybe you don’t think you hurt me but you do. We are blind to those we love. And that is how I feel. Blind. Only following my heart and not listening to the thoughts in my mind. The thoughts in my mind speak and say she is lying. Leave. Go. Run. But that isn’t easy to do. We have had our highs one of them is going back to how we used to talk. Talk about the things that have no point but eventually find some deep meaning in it by the end. I love those talks where we can be absolute idiots and not care what others think because at the moment we are in our own world and everyone else is the weird people. The sound of your laughter is like no other makes me smile and feel, complete. At times you want to quit and over-think things that don’t need to be thought of you think we should break up again. Relationships are hard surely ours is one of them. I believe we have gone through a lot these past two years and some months. We talk of the past but mostly of our future. That is what makes me that happiest. That you see me with you because I surely see you standing next to my side and loving you more each day. Whenever I heard that I thought it was only some cheesy thing I saw in the movies but its true and along with loving you each and every day I become blinder to the things that are around me. I think you know me very well maybe too well knowing that I wouldn’t leave you because in short you mean everything to me. I trust you with your actions, but not with your emotions around him. I know I keep speaking about that but it’s because it just happened yesterday. I think you love me but you hardly ask how I am doing. I know you say you are scared of how I might end up, but you told me part of loving me was worrying. It is something you wish to not speak about but I don’t think you realize the struggles I go through every day to simply talk to you. I know what you want and I will give those things to you. It took a long time for you to come into my heart and realize that you are the love of my life, but how much will I be pushed-over. Now that I think of these things I feel bad because I know you want me and you want us, but why do I feel this way? I wish we could talk about these things without it always blowing up and other things from the past being brought up. These are only thoughts I am having. I wonder what you are doing at this very moment as I sit here and think of you. You are in every moment, well at least the end of it. You are my first and last thought. You are the reason I smile and wake up in the morning. I love how you fall asleep as we talk. Makes it feel as though you aren’t as far away. I might be over-thinking things but I think there’s some truth in my doubts that I have mentioned. When I asked if you loved me you responded with “yup” I didn’t think you had a reason to get mad. Maybe the love we have is diminishing and only my love for you is getting stronger. Will it last? For the time being it is a yes. I love you snowflake


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