Below the Earth

Reads: 396  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 11

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

For evferree's 5-lines contest! I'm not necessarily good at poetry, but I figured I'd give it a go. Couldn't hurt to try, right? ;)

Setting- underground
Main Idea/Topic- freedom

Beneath rock and dirt I lie helpless.

Trapped beneath solid ground I stay.

Freedom could never come quicker, I say to nothing but darkness.

How I wish to be free from this earthly prison.

To fly with the birds as I pass soundlessly through the great azure.


Submitted: February 24, 2014

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Comments

Volatile

Wow! :) it's an amazing poem! For the 5 sentence one right? Your entry beats mine by like a lot! XD good luck and may the odd be ever in your favour.

Mon, February 24th, 2014 10:25pm

Author
Reply

Yup! That's the one! And thank you! :) I'm so glad you like it!! I had my doubts at first, but pulled through. I'll check out your poem if I hadn't already. ;D

Mon, February 24th, 2014 2:43pm

Emmett Cohl

Whoa dude....

Tue, February 25th, 2014 3:23am

Author
Reply

Is that a "woah dude" it's good or a "woah dude" it needs imrovement xD

Mon, February 24th, 2014 8:23pm

Emmett Cohl

No that's definitely a good whoa dude. Lol this is amazing, Mango!

Tue, February 25th, 2014 12:05pm

Author
Reply

Thank you sooo much!! :) I'm glad you liked it!

Tue, February 25th, 2014 11:50am

city-lights

Wow! This poem is stunning :) I love your choice of words :) x

Wed, February 26th, 2014 7:29am

Author
Reply

Thank you!! :D I really appreciate it! :)

Wed, February 26th, 2014 3:09am

Liam Strong

Hi Veronica! This poem for Emily's contest is remarkable! I wasn't able to enter this one, but I'm rooting for you to win! I loved this! You definitely would have a knack for poetry, you just need to sit down and try! All you need is to put your heart into your writing! I can't wait to read more of your work! This being the first of yours I've read, I was certainly astounded and captured! Thank you for sharing! Could you keep me updated on your work? -Liam :)

Fri, February 28th, 2014 5:50pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much for this comment! Coming from you, this really means a lot since your poetry literally blows my mind in a positive way. I'm trying to get more into the style of poetry, for its limits are boundless. Being that I'm more of a short-story and novel type of person, I do love poetry just as much. It just seems to carry a whole new voice and a world more complex and beautiful. I'm glad you liked this, and yes, I'll definitely keep you updated. :)

Fri, February 28th, 2014 12:00pm

BriannasBooks

This is absolutely fantastic! I love how there was so much description of the scenery and the emotion all in just five sentences. I'm sure you will do very well in the contest, if it isn't already over. Well done :3 ~Brianna~

Tue, March 4th, 2014 10:01pm

Author
Reply

Thank you, Brianna! :) It was a lot of fun writing this as it was difficult, but definitely worth it. The contest ended three days ago; I received 3rd along with Ally Shark. Thanks so much for reading this and commenting! It means a lot to me.

Tue, March 4th, 2014 3:49pm

Ally Shark

This is awesome! Didn't we tie on this one? I think we did... Anyways, awesome awesome awesome! I love the last sentence; for some odd reason I like the word "azure"... XD Good job! ????

Wed, March 5th, 2014 2:58am

Author
Reply

Yup! We sure did! ;) Thank you for reading this!! The last sentence is my favorite line as well. I didn't want to use 'sky' so I figured using a different word meaning 'blue' as a substitute since sky is too blunt. The 'great azure' has a more prominent tone to it in my opinion. Haha thanks for this wonderful comment. :D I appreciate the feedback!

Tue, March 4th, 2014 7:06pm

MagicalForest

This is good and has such emotion.

Fri, March 7th, 2014 1:57am

Author
Reply

Thank you! :)

Thu, March 6th, 2014 7:10pm

ShadaStorm120

This is an amazing poem, I love this, I entered in the same contest as you, didn't get anything though, but this is great with the scene and everything.

Mon, March 10th, 2014 3:00am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much, Shada!! :) I always love hearing from you!

Mon, March 10th, 2014 1:40pm

AbstractKash

I realized this is your only piece that I haven't read yet haha. With so little lines, you've conveyed an Amazingly brilliant message. I loved it..the flow of the Rhyming is so wonderful. Good luck with the contest! A like from me. it's really BEAUTIFUL!

Mon, March 10th, 2014 9:43am

Author
Reply

Thanks Kash!! :) I always love hearing your comments. They make me smile. ;) I'm glad you liked it, and I appreciate you reading/commenting on this!

Mon, March 10th, 2014 1:42pm

KW156766

This is a beautifully written poem and you have such talent for poetry. I'm not one for poetry, but I just loved this one without a doubt. A-maz-ing job, lovely! This was flawless and just so surreal and emotional. You have amazing flow and you are such a talented writer, keep it up and keep me updated as well!

Mon, March 10th, 2014 2:58pm

Author
Reply

Awh, thank you so so so much! :) I never really thought myself as 'good' with poetry, but I'm starting to see how much more I can do with it, being that its possibilities are boundless. Thanks for this wonderful comment! I'm glad you liked it! :D

Mon, March 10th, 2014 1:45pm

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