Lies and Deceptions

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Thrillers  |  House: Booksie Classic

Love is beautiful when it's true, but when it's all lies and deceptions, love can get very... ugly. Cayden believes he can save the girl he has loved his whole life from a guy who's nothing but trouble. He believes in a future for him and Jazzie; a real one. His plans take an unexpected turn when jealousy and wrath take over an unstable Trevor, who then handles the situation the only way he knows how: by torturing those who stand in his way.

Warm, wet blood gushed from Jazzie's wound as it made a bright, crimson trail that seeped through her clothes. She was only vaguely aware of Cayden cradling her in his arms while he ran, every step he took, echoing through the halls. 

 

Jazzie tried opening her eyes, but the light made her nauseous. The constant throbbing in her side made it hard for her to breathe. Each breath she took was a struggle for her, and she didn't know how much longer it was before her heart gave out.

 

She gave up trying and rested her head in the hollow of Cayden's chest, his heartbeat accelerating, building up more tension in Jazzie's head. The warmth radiating from his body wasn't enough to fight the line of ice in her body, threatening to freeze her to death. 

She heard Cayden unlock a door which brought them to a vast, open field. Cayden cursed silently to himself. 

"Jazzie..." he whispered. 

Jazzie opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Instead, she looked deeply into Cayden's light brown eyes filled with worry and redemption. She should've listened to him. Why didn't she? Cayden forewarned her about Trevor's reputation as a psychopath, but Trevor insisted he'd changed, and that was good enough for Jazzie.... at the time. 

Cayden pushed loose strands of hair out of her eyes and put them behind her ears. He continued walking. He eyed the pool of blood with fury flaring up inside him. He was going to kill Trevor for this. 

He never trusted him. Never. But Jazzie insisted he give Trevor a chance, and that's where he went wrong. Because of that, he failed to protect her. He was a failure. He failed to protect the only person who meant so much to him, and now, she may never live to hear those words come from him. 

 

Cayden blazed through his memories of Jazzie. The first day he met her, he instantaneously fell in love with her. He wasn't trying to sound melodramatic, but it was true. It was like love at first sight, which he definitely believed in. She was so beautiful; her shiny black hair fell just below her shoulders, curling up at the ends. Her icy blue eyes were as pure as her heart, like he was staring into her soul when he looked into them.

Everything about her was perfect to him, but what really stood out was the way she seemed to carry this cheery, sunny aura that drew in even the most reluctant. No one hated her; it was impossible. She was loved by everyone. Everyone except Trevor. 

What would make him want to do such a thing to her? Did he even truly love her at all, or was it just for show? Either way, Cayden wished he would go to hell, because Jazzie didn't deserve that. 

 

Jazzie grunted. "Cayden?" 

The sound of her voice was barely above a whisper, so Cayden almost thought he imagined her calling his name. He thumbed her cheekbone lightly, letting her know he was listening. 

"I'm sorry." 

His heart shattered. "Jazzie," Cayden cooed, "this isn't your fault; Trevor used you. He pretended to like you, and he pretended like he cared. Tainted love poisons your mind, and that's exactly what he did to you. He is, in every way, responsible for all this, so you can't blame yourself for his wrongdoing." 

He didn't realize how much intensity was in his words as he spoke. Jazzie simply stared at him, and all he kept thinking of was that she was going to die any moment in his arms, her body temperature decreasing each passing minute. He didn't know what to do. There was no service out here, and they were miles from the nearest hospital. Cayden sighed, picking up speed. 

There was no light other than the stars above which guided him through the ocean of grass. The bitter wind sent chills flying down his spine. He hovered protectively over Jazzie, blocking out most of the cold. Even by doing so, she was still shivering erratically. 

Cayden carefully set her down against an oak tree, taking off his shirt to give to Jazzie. A sharp burst of cool air rushed around him immediately as if it were doing him a favor, clawing at every inch of bare skin. 

"I don't want to move anymore. Can we... can we stop here?" 

"Jazzie, I'm not going to let you die. We have to keep moving; I'm not sure how long the chloroform will keep Trevor under." Cayden perceived his breath which escape his mouth as he spoke.

"We'll never make it in time." Jazzie's voice faltered, becoming barely audible. Tears wracked her body, and she turned her head away. Cayden never saw her like this before. It pained him in a way he couldn't describe. It was like someone took a spear to his heart, allowing him to drown in his own blood and sorrow, slowly disappearing into oblivion. 

"Okay," he prompted. "We can rest." 

He sat down next to Jazzie, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist, afraid if he were to let go, she'd evaporate into thin air. She was practically already a block of ice, the arctic air piercing her skin. He propped her up against him, threading his fingers through her hair, and without realizing, tears brimmed his eyelids. 

Jazzie's breathing slowed and evened out, indicating that she was asleep. Her skin was so pale and almost ghost-like, as if she was already on the brink of death. Cayden closed his eyes, exhaustion washing over him. He endeavored letting sleep take over, but even then some, sleep didn't sound like a bad idea right now. Part of him begged for sleep, but the other part hassled him to move on, to keep going. 

Sleep triumphed. 

Frigid darkness enveloped him, the cold too thick, almost suffocating. Cayden attempted to take a breath, but his lungs contracted. He began to panic. Come on, breathe! He thought. A smoky aroma filled his nose, triggering his gag reflexes. A strong hand covered his mouth, not allowing any air flow in or out of him. He withdrew a breath in vain, gasping for the oxygen he so desperately needed, but didn't receive. 

Cayden awoke, only to find himself staring at a small orange dot surrounded by blackness. He was sitting in a chair, his hands chained to the wall behind him. His eyes weren't fully adjusted yet, but eventually he was able to make out a tall, sinister figure looming over him. Cayden already knew who it was. It was Trevor. 

The decrepit flooring beneath him creaked as Trevor moved from one side of the room to the other, breathing heavily. 

"You thought you could save her," Trevor stated, his voice taunting, yet remained monotone. 

Cayden couldn't speak. It was like someone tied his tongue together with barbed wire. He couldn't see Trevor's frame anymore; the only thing that gave away his location was the orange dot that flickered in front of him. 

A low chuckle came from him. "Well, Cayden, did you seriously believe you could escape that easily?" 

Cayden stayed quiet. 

 

"Fine then. We'll do this the hard way." 

The next thing he knew, something sharp stabbed his shoulder, the pain racing through him like wildfire. He already felt the blood trickling down his arms and stomach. Cayden bit his lip, stifling a scream. A million images flashed in his mind, but instead of them being pictures of many different things, they were all different pictures of the same person. Jazzie. 

"Wh- what did you do to her?" Cayden managed. 

Cayden saw what looked like a ghost of a smile playing across his lips, but it was too dark to tell. 

"She's in a better place now." 

No. No. No. No. No. This wasn't happening. Jazzie isn't dead. He's lying. As much as he didn't want to believe that, he knew Trevor was telling the truth. Jazzie was dead, and there was nothing he could do now to change that. 

A hollow pit in his stomach opened up, swallowing him from the inside out. He just wanted Trevor to kill him and get it over with, to spare him the pain and misery that clouded his vision. He knew he should be crying, but he had no more tears left to do so; they were, as well, swallowed up by the dark void inside him. 

"She loved you, you know. Always had." Something about his tone made Cayden uneasy. It sounded practiced, like Trevor spent hours or even days trying to word this correctly. Hidden within, he heard an edge of... jealousy. 

"Why are you telling me this?" Cayden winced, clutching his shoulder wound. 

A puff of smoke jetted out from Trevor's mouth which blew in his direction; the orange glow dimmed. 

"I think the real question here is: Why shouldn't I?" 

Cayden nearly laughed. "I'd rather hear it from her, not from you." He spat as much hatred as he could muster into those words. 

Trevor smirked. "Sounds reasonable." His face held a smug expression while he tapped his fingers pensively against the windowsill. "What would you say if I could grant you that wish?" 

"I thought you said she was dead." Cayden meant to say more, but he decided against it. 

"Oh, no, she is dead, but that's irrelevant at the moment." 

"I don't understand," Cayden mumbled, all hope vanishing. He wanted him to stop playing this sick little game of his. 

Something gleamed in Trevor's hands as he held it up to the moonlight spilling in through the window. It was a key. He trotted over to Cayden and unchained him. He made a run for it. Trevor must have known he'd try to pull something like that, so he tightly clasped Cayden's arm, squeezing the life out of it. The force shot a spark of pain in his shoulder. 

"Follow," Trevor motioned. 

He had to be joking, Cayden thought. He used Jazzie, then he hurt her, and now he isn't sure whether or not she's still alive, yet despite all that, he really thought he'd follow him. Yeah, right. Trevor didn't give him a choice though. He dragged him along like a ragdoll, his grip gradually becoming tighter, turning his arm a deep blue. 

"It would hurt less if you'd just proceed willingly. As you can see, restraining is getting you no where." 

He let out a sigh of frustration. Obviously it's not getting him anywhere, but he had no intentions of following him either way. But eventually the pain became too unbearable to the point where he thought he'd collapse. 

Showing less restrain against Trevor's fierce pull, relief washed over him, the pain obliterating to numbness. Trevor guided him to another room just as dark as the last, but in this one, he saw a huge screen in the corner of the room, and standing three feet in front of it was a video camera hooked up to a screen projector. 

"Take a seat, Cayden." 

"I prefer to stand." 

"It wasn't a question. I said sit down." His voice raised. 

When he didn't move, Trevor then took something out of his pocket, and pointed it at Cayden's leg. He fired. 

His legs buckled beneath him, his face colliding with the cool tile. The pain spread quickly, adrenaline rushing through his veins while his heart pounded hard against his chest. He heard Trevor set the gun down beside him, and he made his way toward him. 

"Much better, don't you think?" Trevor asked. 

All Cayden could do was shake his head and scowl. A glint of amusement and satisfaction sparkled in Trevor's eyes. 

"Now, if you would, keep your eyes on the screen and watch. Or if you really want another injury, I'd be happy to oblige. Your choice." 

 

Cayden lifted his head up towards the screen and did as he was told. 

Jazzie laid against the corner of the room, dazed and confused. Just a minute ago she was being held safely in Cayden's arms, but now, she was alone in the dark with Cayden no where to be seen. 

Pain shot out from her knife wound. She craned her head around, trying to make sense of where she was, but all she saw was complete darkness. She then heard low breathing coming from across the room. 

Her heart rate quickened, and her voice quivered. "Who's there?" she croaked. 

Someone walked over to her, stopping a mere five inches away . The person reached down and took her hand. She flinched, suddenly realizing it was Trevor. 

"Shhh. You're okay Jazzie." 

Jazzie whimpered softly, cowering from his outstretched hand. Tears started leaking from her eyelids. 

Trevor gently brushed the tears away with the back of his hand, letting it linger there a few minutes until he felt Jazzie trembling beneath his touch. 

"You don't need to be afraid of me, sweetie." He leaned in closer to her, his breath hot against her cheek. He then lowered his lips to hers, closing the distance between them. The kiss started off a soft, delicate pressure, later transforming into a more feral desire. 

Cayden couldn't watch this no more. Rage took over him, blurring his vision. Stop Trevor. Just stop. Can't you see she doesn't like it? Just stop! The more he tried prying his eyes away from the screen, the harder his body defied him. He closed his eyes, unable to look any longer. 

Even though this was a projection, Cayden still felt like he was playing witness to the events happening before him like they were just now happening instead of on screen.

Behind him, Trevor cleared his throat. Reluctantly, Cayden opened his eyes. 

Jazzie finally pulled away from his firm grasp, then a loud smack penetrated the silence that followed after. 

He didn't. Trevor seriously didn't just smack her right there. That's it. 

"I can't believe you would even think of putting her through that! What did she ever do to you?" All he could hear now was the low, persistent thrumming in his ears. 

Trevor didn't answer. 

"Do you like doing that to people? Is that what it is? Do you find amusement in inflicting pain on others?" 

Attempting to stand up on his feet, he fell back down, his leg strength too feeble to steady him. Cayden bit his lip in frustration. 

"Just watch the video," Trevor said.

"No." 

Trevor didn't argue back with him; instead he kept his eyes trained on the screen, the moving images reflecting off his dark eyes. 

Disgusted, Cayden let his head hang limply. Sweat slicked his body, making the already cold air even colder. Shivers crawled up and down his arms, leaving behind a scattering of goose-bumps. 

A familiar voice grabbed his attention.

"I'm not sure, Trev. I... I thought you said you've changed." 

"Sweetie, I did change. I changed for you, for us. Aren't you happy?" 

Jazzie hesitated before she answered, "I was at first, but now, I'm not sure. This isn't love; it's torture. I miss the real you. Please go back to the funny, caring, guy I learned to love. The guy who'd always be there for me when I needed him, and who'd never hurt me. I know he's still in there. Please find him." 

Trevor violently shook his head, enmity hardening his features. "This is who I am. You said you wanted to know me more. You said we should always be honest with each other, and that's what I'm doing, being honest." 

"You call this honesty?" Her voice rose an octave. "Brutally torturing me and beating me to death is honesty? How the hell does that make any sense?" She was screaming at him now. 

"You wouldn't understand." 

"Then help me understand, Trev. I want to understand, but you need to give me that chance. Abusing others to eliminate your problems isn't a very favorable method." 

His voice sounded weak, almost defeated. "You don't know how hard it is. You don't know how much pain I suffered while being together-" 

"If you didn't want to be with me, then why did you ask me out to begin with?" 

"It wasn't like that-" 

"Liar." 

"Jazzie-" 

"Just why Trev? Why?" She sounded desperate, as if Trevor's answer was her only anchor to life. 

"Because you had feelings for Cayden, too. I didn't want to feel like I was competing. I thought when I asked you out you'd only love me in that way but I guess I was wrong." The tone of his voice was dark and menacing, clearly beyond anger. 

"Yes. I do love Cayden, but not like I love you." 

He held her gaze with his, staring at her intently. "How can I be sure you're telling the truth? You could only be saying that just so I could spare your life."

"I guess you'll just have to find that out for yourself."

The sound of Trevor's boots against the floor neared her. She didn't dare look up or acknowledge his presence as he held her face in both of his hands. His grasp wasn't strong, but it wasn't necessarily weak either.

"You're lying."

Jazzie remained silent on her part, but she could tell Trevor was fuming, his arms shaking dangerously. She pulled herself away from him, kicking him in the groin. He toppled over, releasing a blood-curdling scream that sounded almost animal-like.

"You're right; I am lying," Jazzie shouted. "I don't like this side of you, and I'm scared. This is exactly what you said you weren't anymore, but yet you still are. So I wouldn't be the one to talk about who's lying if I were you."

Still writhing in pain, Trevor reached into his pocket, pulling out his gun. He pulled the trigger. 

Jazzie didn't have time to swerve out of the bullet's path; it made its mark, hitting her smack in the middle of her chest. She heaved and fell to the ground.

Gasping for air, she looked up at Trevor's form looming over her, gun poised in his hand, aiming right at her. Fear gripped her muscles, twisting and turning them with great force, adding to the pain from the bullet wound.

A small gasp escaped her lips as he took one more step forward, as well as bringing the gun down closer to her. 

 

"I will not be taken as a fool, and I will redeem my reputation," he said, thick with anger. "You will regret this."

He shot at her one last time before she finally saw nothing but blackness.

"No! How could you?!" Cayden's cry boomed through the room as the projector turned off. 

He began to sob, not caring that Trevor was right in front of him; he needed to grieve. Surprisingly Trevor didn't do anything in the long moment of his emotional breakdown. He didn't even look Cayden's way, but instead he fiddled with the gun he held in his hands. He was going to kill Cayden too.

As soon as Cayden's crying ceased, Trevor tilted his head in his direction. 

"Done yet?" His voice was full of mirth. 

When Cayden didn't answer, he continued. "She never loved the real me, who I really was."

Trevor leered over towards Cayden, once again, gun poised. He didn't look up when Trevor fired. He kept his eyes shut, welcoming death as if it were an old friend. At least in this life, Cayden thought, I will be with Jazzie.


Submitted: February 12, 2014

© Copyright 2021 SupernaturalMango. All rights reserved.

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Comments

LunaClipse

Oh. My. Gosh. This is amazing! Even though I didn't get a whole novel to meet the characters, I was almost in tears by the end. The way you wrote it pierced the emotions of the characters into me. Your story almost had the same impact on me as Julie Kagawa, my favorite author. Take that as the biggest compliment of all. I was shocked to find out you were only 14. You are incredibly talented. Your loaded language is extraordinary. Don't stop writing. You truly are gifted.

Thu, February 13th, 2014 2:01am

Author
Reply

Thank you SO much. I'm glad you liked it! This really made my day, and being compared to that of your favorite author... I don't even have any words to express my gratitude. I'll never stop writing though; it's seriously the best thing in the world, and I can't picture myself ever not wanting to write. Thank you for this, and thanks for reading/commenting! :)

Wed, February 12th, 2014 6:26pm

AbstractKash

WOW! This was like an emotional roller-coaster ride. Written flawlessly and wonderful descriptions :) I enjoyed reading it. It was wrong of Jazzie to play with Cayden's feelings and even Trevor's. I hadn't seen that ending coming O.o It was bone-chilling to die that way. Omg! LOVED IT! A like from me :)

Thu, February 13th, 2014 8:19am

Author
Reply

Bone-chilling and emotional was what I was aiming for, so I'm thrilled to know that it met expectations! As for the ending, I love creating stories that have people in tears. After all, "to love is to destroy." ;) Thanks for reading/commenting; I'm glad you liked it!

Thu, February 13th, 2014 1:23am

Volatile

Noooo jazzy! Cayden! Why did Trevor have to be so ... Crazy? I thought he was going to let her go! He killed her and him... :,(

Thu, February 13th, 2014 12:43pm

Author
Reply

I fancy creating sad/unpredictable endings ;) And Trevor IS a psychopath so yeah xD

Thu, February 13th, 2014 11:58am

SkyeChanel

I totally agree with Kash, this was an emotional roller-coaster ride that had ups and downs. You are exactly like me, I love creating an emotional feel to the story so my readers can relate. An amazing story and I LOVE the name Cayden! ~Stay Strong, Skye. X .

Sun, February 16th, 2014 11:36am

Author
Reply

Well, a little thing I've learned as a writer: "To love is to destroy." And thank you! I'm glad you like the name and this story. :)

Sun, February 16th, 2014 8:46am

Sarahh365

OH MY GOSH THIS WAS SOOOOOO GOOD! It was so action packed! I love the way you started RIGHT in the middle of the action, it's amazing and I try to do that with a few of my stories as well. I love the description words you give & the emotional roller coaster you took me on was ridiculous. I think the whole thing was incredibly realistic, especially when they died in the end. You have earned yourself a new fan my dear. xx KMU on future stories!

Mon, February 17th, 2014 12:38am

Author
Reply

That's how I start off the majority of my stories; right in the middle of the action. It's cool that you fancy that as well. ;) The "emotional roller coaster" is always open for people to ride on. I'm glad you liked it!! :D Thanks for reading, and I'll definitely keep you updated. :)

Sun, February 16th, 2014 5:03pm

Emmett Cohl

EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW!!!!!! I wanted to gag at the very first sentence. But everything after that was freaking AMAZING!!!!! With a thousand more exclamation points, but all of a sudden the key is sticking and it wont let me :( But awesome work

Mon, February 17th, 2014 2:59pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much!!! I didn't mean to make you gag; sorry about that. xD I'm glad you liked it! :)

Mon, February 17th, 2014 7:19am

city-lights

Holy kangaroo! This was AMAZING!! What an emotional bumpy ride!! OMG THIS WAS AMAZING DUDE LIKE SERIOUSLY YOU ARE FRICKING TALENTED!! The first sentence had me like this: O.O and that is definitley a good thing, I don't always end up like this: O.O at the start of a story!! This was so action packed and bone chilling and I was right on the corner of my seat, reading without blinking! JUST WOW! I'm out of words now...

Sun, February 23rd, 2014 12:27am

Author
Reply

"Holy Kangaroo" wow that made me choke on my water xD The O.O feeling was definitely something I was trying to capture here. I'm soooo glad you liked it, and your comment totally made my day. :D That means a lot to me, coming from you 'cause you're insanely talented/gifted yourself. :)

Sat, February 22nd, 2014 4:52pm

Maggie Williams

This was written wonderfully. I was on theedge of my seat the whole entire time! wonderful job!

Wed, February 26th, 2014 1:27am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much!! :) That means a lot to me, and I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Tue, February 25th, 2014 5:29pm

Eden L

OH MY GOD!!!! THIS SHORT STORY!!!! SENT A FICTIONAL BUT SOMEWHAT REAL, BULLET TO MY HEART!!! D: D: D: Oh my GOD!!!! Trevor's scary, putting Jazzie through all that (SHOT HER IN THE CHEST, OH MAN D:) and having Cayden watch it! TT_TT GAH! But I can tell, Trevor really did like Jazzie... it was obvious, but he's a bit crazy so he did what he did. D: THE ENDING MADE ME CRY!!! *sniffles* Aw mah GAWSH!!! At least Cayden's with Jazzie now. :") That's the good thing! X"D All in all, this short story is AMAZING! WOW! XD Super action packed and THRILLING!! YES!! THIS IS DEFINITELY A THRILLER! XD Haha, it was super intense! O_O_O Blood was rushing to my head and everything! XD AWESOME JOB!! XD Your writing's also very professional! It's AMAZING! XD XD Well done with this short story! :") In a way, this short story was beautiful too, how Cayden accepted death and how love/jealousy played a huge part in this short story. I wonder what happened to Trevor, hopefully, he doesn't kill more people. D: Thank you for the request! XD I enjoyed reading this breathtaking short story! (breathtaking, LITERALLY XD haha, THE ACTION BLEW MY BRAIN OUT XD IN THE GOOD WAY!)

Wed, February 26th, 2014 2:16am

Author
Reply

Eden, thank you SO much for this comment. :D I'm sorry for the fictional--yet not so fictional--bullet that I embedded in your heart. xD And yes, you're right. Trevor really did like Jazzie, but he was afraid Cayden would ruin everything, and he noticed the attraction between him and Jazzie. I'm incredibly touched that you liked it so much. :) My friend who has a fetish for psychopaths wanted me to write this in Trevor's pov when I have the time, so I might 'cause it'll definitely be pretty fun to write. Whenever I decide to write it, I'll update you on it! Once again, I can't thank you enough for this comment! And "thrilling" is EXACTLY what I was going for! ;)

Tue, February 25th, 2014 6:32pm

Liam Strong

Gah! it's one of those powerful stories that I never understand the heroine's motives! Jazzie, nooooooooooooooooooo.... ANYWAY, so this story of yours! I don't want to say I'm jealous, but your vocabulary and literary elements are ones I would use. Really, I was utterly impressed, and I'm close to speechless. As harrowing and lurid as this was, the horror you portray is something remarkable, and I've never been much a horror writer, but you captured a dark quality that many cannot achieve simply. This wasn't strained, but justified to your writing skills. I can tell you really put a lot of time into this; I can say, you have really brilliant originality. The implications you give for what happens before, during, and after some sequences in the story, are just astounding and outstanding! This is a classic Veronica *last name that I do not know* piece! I'm in adoration as a fan. Thank you very much for requesting me this and for sharing it! Great work! -Liam :D

Fri, February 28th, 2014 10:06pm

Author
Reply

This is generally my favorable genre to write about; even if I'm writing in a different genre, I still end up adding the type of mood that's dark, mysterious, and somewhat creepy. This comment truly made my day, and I'm just so glad you liked this. Glad actually doesn't even BEGIN to describe how I feel. Honored, dignified, even? Being that your writing is beyond outstanding. And you're right, I did put a lot of time into it. Believe me when I say that, because I'm not overexaggerating when I say I spent nearly every second I could putting this together. It originally started off differently, but I found that it seemed to drag on, so I revised that about three times before I was happy with it. It became more of a project towards the end when I was switching back and forth between the present and the past of what happened on the projector. I think it actually took me about ten to fifteen times looking through it and finally receiving the results I've been seeking. The dialogue between Jazzie and Trevor during that was a bit challenging, and I had to revise that about five times because I couldn't figure out how I wanted to word it. When I try to force the words out of me, it turns out... horrible, so I let the words come out and arrange themselves. Overall, it was absolutely fun to write this. I never thought this story would have this sort of impact on anyone before now; once again I thank you for the praise and the kind words. :)

Fri, February 28th, 2014 4:45pm

Liam Strong

You have a way with words then! How you described your difficulty with choosing the right way to tell this story is a quality in my opinion, not merely an obstacle! I loved the transitions from past to present with the projector and how Cayden viewed everything. When I read this in third person, I was thrilled. Third person is one of the best ways to suit this brilliant way of tinkering with the most interesting figurative elements. I am also thrilled that you say you loved writing this. That is all you need. You need to find a happiness in your writing and some sort of agreeable peace. One that is more of a part of you and yet one that can be subjective to assume many different concepts (if that makes any sense). What I mean is, you need to be able to write variety and in different styles on different topics. The most true writer writes about things they not, not fantasized things that clearly have no location in the writer's mind. They might get lost in things they would simply consider "cool" without truly experiencing them.... Wow, I am rambling again, but I hope the insight helps?

Sat, March 1st, 2014 1:58am

Author
Reply

Nah it's fine! I do that "rambling" thing a lot too as you already know. I'm totally okay with it though. Lengthy comments are the best in my opinion. I agree with you there; writing this in third person helped the story's development and the useage of figurative elements. And yes, I understand what you meant by that, and the insight really helped. My friend who has an extreme fetish for psychopaths, thought I should write this story in Trevor's POV. I might give it a go because that sure would be interesting to write. It might be slightly more difficult nearest the beginning 'cause I'd have to start somewhere that happenes before Cayden's POV takes place in order for people to comprehend the situation from Trevor's POV. The ending wouldn't be as difficult, but not necessarily easy either; it's definitely doable though. It'll kind of remind me of the narrator from "A Tell-Tale Heart" whom was an unreliable narrator being that his mental state was unstable.

Fri, February 28th, 2014 6:18pm

Liam Strong

It would be interesting, but I think this way is best. And I'm glad you like long comments! That's all I can ever seem to give, and it's what I love to receive!

Sat, March 1st, 2014 2:28am

Author
Reply

That's what I told her; as much as it seems interesting, I honestly think how I wrote it already is good enough as it is. Haha yeah, I usually end up writing lengthy comments 'cause I simply can not express my love/admiration for something in 1-3 sentences.

Fri, February 28th, 2014 6:42pm

Ally Shark

This is freakin' amazing!!!!! Holy cow! It's action packed and emotional and has a sort of unexpected ending... Everything a good story needs! I kinds got a little freaked out by this story because I have a friend named Jazzi ANC I just kept picturing her getting shot... *hides under the covers of her bed* I still really loved this, although it's kinda freaky (not a bad thing, this is a thriller, after all). Like from me!

Wed, March 5th, 2014 10:15pm

Author
Reply

Thank you for this wonderful comment, Ally! :D And sorry about that image I gave you.. I'm so glad you liked this though! Haha thrillers are my favorite genre to write. ;)

Wed, March 5th, 2014 2:33pm

BriannasBooks

Let me just say, THIS IS FRICKEN FANTASTIC, I LOVED IT SO MUCH! I have never read anything like this, I mean, the amount of creativity put into this story is absolutely amazing! The descriptions were written so flawlessly, and you have a way with words that makes the reader feel the character's emotions. When Jazzie was shot and killed, I was like NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Trevor is such a bastard! You portrayed his dark personality very well in this story, and I can say once more, THIS IS FRICKEN AMAZING! This was like an emotional rollercoaster, and I was easily able to visualize the scenery. It was seriously like watching a movie, and it was almost like I was there. This story was just so well written, and I still can't get over the fact that we're the SAME AGE! There is a big difference with our writings, I wouldn't have imagined you'd be fourteen! Anyway, thank you so much for sharing this, I definitely don't regret reading this, THIS IS WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!! ~Brianna~

Thu, March 6th, 2014 9:09pm

Author
Reply

Bri, thanks a TON for this awesome comment!!! I'm more than glad that you enjoyed this greatly on a physical and emotional level. I'm honestly thrilled (no pun intended) :P that you were able to connect with this. I tried to make this as emotional and dark as possible, being that I love writing this kind of genre more than anything. Dark, emotional, creepy, mysterious... I dedicated a lot of time into putting this together, so thanks for pointing out how creative and well written it was. Anyways, I had the same reaction when I read your short story! I thought you were like 18 or something. xD Your're an impeccable writer yourself, and don't forget that! :D And of course our writing styles are different. Not everyone writes the same, but that's the beauty of it all. Everyone can share what they have to say using their own style/creativity and it can impact people in countless ways, bringing each and everyone together. I'm rambling now... Haha once again, I can't thank you enough for this! You definitely made my day! :)

Thu, March 6th, 2014 1:41pm

Whitlinger

Eh...let me take a moment to pull myself together. Because HOLY MOTHER OF CHUCK THAT WAS EXTREMELY AWESOME. :O There's absolutely no context, which is the main reason why I loved this story; it's just driving me crazy with unanswered questions! And I don't even need to mention how emotionally powerful this is. Right from the beginning it was intense: Cayden running with Jazzie in his arms. There's something strangely beautiful about that imagery, too, especially when you described how the only light came from the stars. So poetic and wondrous!! I'm not sure how to explain this, but you've captured something in this work that most young writers are unable to grasp. A kind of writer's maturity, I think. It's an aspect I'm still struggling to integrate in my own stories. Also, I think the name Jazzie is really pretty. :DDD Anyhow, this story is utterly brilliant, and I'm SUPER glad you told me about it. Fantastic job; this story will definitely be on my mind for a couple of hours at least! :)))

Fri, March 7th, 2014 1:25am

Author
Reply

Thank you sooo much!!! I tried not to add any context for that reason specifically. It arowses mystery, leading to a more prominently dark tone. As they always say, "sometimes less is more." Which in this case, it applies. I'm incredibly honored that you loved this that much, since you're an aspiring writer yourself! I am almost at a loss for words of what to say, 'cause I cannot find the words to wholly express my gratitude. :) I'm glad you liked the name, Jazzie and that this will be on your mind for a while. Thanks for taking the time to read this and for commenting! I appreciate it immensely!!

Thu, March 6th, 2014 9:55pm

SoftDreamer7

Omg. XD That first sentence though. Hahah. The story and the concept of this was amazing! Just wondering but what inspired you to write this? I just love a thriller story. C: Keep updated because your stories are great!

Sun, March 16th, 2014 7:01am

Author
Reply

Thank you SoftDreamer! :) I love thrillers myself, so I'm glad you took a liking to this!!! To be honest it wasn't necessarily an inspiration, but I started writing it during August of last year when I was in vacay with my family, and I got about halfway through it before I felt iffy about it, but I liked the main concept of what I had, so about a month later or so, I started re-writing it and these were my results. It took me FOREVER to finally be happy with this. xD I had to keep rearranging the dialogue towards the end and the back and forth between the projector and reality scenes. I love writing stuff like this haha. ;) Thank you so much for this lovely comment and for taking the time to read this! :D

Sun, March 16th, 2014 6:54am

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