Have You Ever?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Gay and Lesbian  |  House: Booksie Classic
Based on a true story!

Submitted: June 13, 2014

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Submitted: June 13, 2014

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HAVE YOU EVER?

 

Have you ever seen someone in your life that you haven’t met before but if feels like you were connected to that person? That you knew in that moment something mysteriously will happen sooner or later? That you have the kind of feelings there was something in her that you can’t explain whenever she was around? Something deep inside of you that can sense her presence anytime, anywhere in any circumstances?

 

Have you ever walked into each other and suddenly you felt magnetized by simply bumping into her and you felt her skin bumped into yours? That when your eyes caught hers, you amazingly saw her beautiful soul that you couldn’t help yourself looking into her eyes and felt like every pieces of your innocence was flowing in the air? That you wanted to stop the time, freeze every little things around and embrace everything that was happening on that moment?

 

Have you ever felt stuck up on your chair and your face was almost an inch away to your computer just to look at her picture? That there was something in it hypnotized you then suddenly everything around you turned into heavenly white and all you can see was her face like she was looking at you and smiling at you? That you felt paralyzed and all you did was to stare at her and thinking she was really right there in front you holding your hand?

 

Have you ever felt lucky because you never thought that you have some common friends yet it was kind of weird because she had a thing before with one of them or actually two of them? That you were feeling nervous the night you actually introduced yourself to her in person and she was like the tallest girl you’ve ever met in your life? That you’re hand was sweating cold because you didn’t know what to do or to act in front of your friends and you were also with someone else and you need to act that you were not taken yet and that someone you were actually with was just a friend but not really?

 

Have you ever caught up yourself rolling over, left to right, and crawling up and down to your bed because you were drowning your mind into thinking if she might also thinking of you too? That she might also feeling the same thing and also seeing things the way you see it when you’re around?  That you can’t get over with her and you wanted to get up in the middle of the night, search for her in any places in any cost just to see her, talk to her and be with her again?

 

Have you ever tried not to go to your work just to have a onetime date with someone you really like, like as if you will never get another chance to see her again and feels like you needed to do it or leave everything behind and someday you’re going to regret that you didn’t grab the chance that you once had before? That you thought you looked wasted and exhausted on your date so you were walking ahead of her and talking like she wasn’t there at all, just all by yourself? That after you ate dinner together you both decided to start something deeper than friendship and didn’t want the night to end because you had your first kiss with her, a very quick kiss on your lips like she was afraid of someone might see her kissing you in public?

 

Have you ever felt you were a little kind of special because she invited you to meet her friends and introduced you to them as her girlfriend like she wasn’t used to with her past relationships and you heard their guessing game about how long you were going to make it and how weird it was that some says one month, two months and other says, six months or a year and a half and you were like, “ok let’s see”? That for the first time in your life you went to a bar full of gays and lesbians and when you saw her danced a little in front of you, you thought it wasn’t really that sexy but it was like a jaw dropping moment and you felt so in love with her? That also for the first time she brought you to her house and did something you know and you were like feeling shy as if it was your first time doing it with a partner?

 

Have you ever felt proud of yourself because she introduced you to her family and relatives then you suddenly found out that you were just like a mistress, no. 2 partner, the third wheel or the other girl in the relationship and you weren’t sure of if you were going to be thankful because she told you the truth or getting pissed off and hurtful for letting you fell for her in the first place? That you wanted to get mad at her but you couldn’t because you also have someone else, a person who was good to you, sweet and worth fighting for but you were just not in love with her? That you wished you have two hearts so you could love them both but unfortunately it was impossible, really impossible to happen and you just needed to choose the right one, the right one who can give you happiness, the right one who you think can love you for what you are, accept you no matter what, can handle everything about you, that can handle your addiction or even things that can make you happy?

 

Have you ever felt sorry for yourself for doing bad things that you really not meant to do it but you have to because you were in love with somebody else though you were in a situation that you can’t even imagine you were going to put yourself into? That you thought you accepted everything fully but not totally yet you still chose to stay with her and be with her and risk everything especially your heart because you were not afraid of getting hurt, you just don’t like the idea of getting hurt? That you really never meant to hurt the person who loves you so much but sorry to say she was hurting already by all of your actions since the day you cheated on her that you didn’t know she was aware of? That you tried to explain everything to her hoping that she might still understand you that you tried to control yourself for falling in love with somebody else but you failed and the damage was done already? That you begged on her to forgive you for what you have done but it wasn’t that easy for her because you hurt her so much and she thought you never had an idea how hurt it was for her but the truth is, you knew how it feels like to be cheated by someone you love because you had been there before?

 

Have you ever felt so down and broken because you felt like everything wasn’t falling into the right places after choosing the person you thought that can complete your life? That after a few months of choosing her and being with her, all you have got was a big bunch of pain and heartaches that you never thought to happen despite of all the sacrificial thing that you had been through and what all you did was to love her but you just ended up being a loser? That as days had gone by, you never got the happiness that you were looking for that may satisfy you for loving her and never think of giving up despite of the kind of the relationship you had with her?

Have you ever felt so stupid for always choosing her and yet you’ve been ignored all the time and feeling left out whenever her original one was around and you were doing your best to act normal so she wouldn’t notice anything that there were something fishy going on? That whenever you saw them so near to each other glancing flirtatiously, your world were starting to crush down little by little and yet you had to keep on going acting normal like you didn’t see anything hurtful? That your heart were crying out loud because of the pain that you were feeling inside and you were holding back your tears from falling because you knew that when it falls you couldn’t turn your back from it and you were just going to see yourself walking out and running away from them as far as you could because you wouldn’t want them to see you crying for the reason that you were afraid that they might ask you what was happening with you and you were just standing in front of them couldn’t talk and just crying for the whole time?

 

Have you ever felt so confused like you didn’t know what to believe anymore like your mind were fighting over with your heart like it was you didn’t know anymore what was right and what was wrong, what was good and what was bad because your confusions were eating up the whole you? That you wanted to bang your head on the wall or broke something hard on your head just to get rid of it even just for a while but neither of the two couldn’t help you out to that big confusions as big as your brain, as big as your body and as big as the world you were living in where some people were trying to get you out of it though you listened to them and kept all things they have told you, you still chose not to make a decision to save yourself? That even those people who cared for you were getting tired already for fighting with you along the way and feeling giving up on you, you still did what you had to do because you were still holding on to your faith and never loses hope that time will come where everything will change and fate will ended up in favor of you?

 

Have you ever felt you were losing your patience for giving out all the understandings you’ve done for her for a very long time for the sake of saving your damn relationship and yet you were still standing beside her holding her hand while walking in the middle of nowhere and didn’t want to loosen up every fingers that holds onto hers? That you never wanted to let the night ends because you knew she will go home to the original, eat dinner together, spending the night together and doing their things that supposed to be needed to stop because you were feeling disgusted whenever your time comes for all those things?

 

Have you ever felt that you were so closed to the thing they called “forget you, forget you not” because you didn’t know what to do anymore how to deal with all of the things that was going on? That you came to the point wishing it was all a nightmare and when you woke up in the morning you came back at the day when all the things started and never pushed yourself to invest intimate feelings for her? That you felt that maybe it was the time to end everything for once so you could still save the love you still had for yourself and give it to someone who really deserves it because no matter what you do she can never be that someone who deserves every drops, every oz. of your love?

 

I only have one favor, stop for awhile and clear your mind. Please do ask yourself. Think twice. Make a choice. Decide wisely. Your heart will be at peace.

 


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