Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there was a young boy named George. George was the prince of the Land of Dairy, and he never ate anything other than butter. For his birthday, he had
butter with a candle on top. When he watched movies, he ate just butter while everyone else ate popcorn. For breakfast, he had butter. For lunch, he ate butter. Dinner was...you guessed it,
The prince ate so much butter that the local cows became soooo tired and running out of milk for people to make butter with. So one day, the cows went on protest. They chanted: "weeee
shall not, we shall not be miiilllked! weeee shall not/we shall not be miiilllked!"
The prince, horrified by what had happened, ran to the dairy farm and demanded that the farmer surrender all the milk orface the penalty of death.
"I'm sorry, your highness, but the cows won't let me milk them!" The farmer protested. "I can do nothing!"
"This is cheesy!" George protested. "I am the PRINCE! I must have my butter!"
“I’m sorry, your highness, the cows won’t let me milk them!” The farmer repeated. “I can do nothing!” George glared at the farmer.
“Well, then, I guess I will just starve to death. And it will be all your fault!”George yelled.
“What shall we do?” The farmer asked later that night, after calling a meeting with all his cows.
“We could mooooooooove.” One cow suggested.
“To where?” The farmer asked.
“I do not knooooooooooow.” Another cow mooed. The barn door flew open and the queen, Mrs. Buttersworth, flew in.
She was a very large lady, who always wore strange dresses with weird flower prints on them. Her fluffy red hair was always up on top of her head and usually had a bird or two perched on top.
“I’m sorry, your highness, I’m trying to convince the cows to let me milk them again!” The farmer said quickly.
“Nooo you’re nooooooot!” A cow spoke up.
“Yes, yes I am.”
“It doesn’t matter!” The queen wailed.”George hasn’t eaten, we need to do something!”
“What could we do, your highness?”
“Please, call me Mrs. Butterworth. Now, what can we do about our little…problem?”
The cows began to chant. “weeee shall not,wee shall not be miiilllked! weeee shall not/we shall not be miiilllked!"
Then, a little cow in the back timidly spoke up…
“GENIUS!” Mrs. Butterworth and the farmer yelled a few minutes later.
“We muuuuuuuuust get started at oooooooonce!”The cows mooed.
“GEORGE!” Mrs. Butterworth called the next day. George came down the castle stairs, pouting.
“Are those cows making butter yet?” He asked.
“Cows don’t make butter, George, they make milk.” Mrs. Butterworth said patiently.
“Well, whatever. Is there butter for me to eat or not?”
“Yes.” Mrs. Butterworth said quickly. “And we made a cake for you. It’s all butter.” She handed him a very fancy cake. “All butter.” She repeated.
“This is cheesy!” George said. “It is not butter!”
“How would you know, you haven’t eaten any yet!” Mrs. Butterworth wailed.
“I can smell it!” George said. “It does not smell like butter!”
“It’s…a…different kind of butter! It’s…there’s…there’s no trans fat!” Mrs. Butterworth .
“Okay,” George sighed, picking up a fork off the plate and cautiously poking at a flower decoration. He chewed and almost immediately spat it out. “DISGUSTING! WHAT IS THIS FOUL STUFF!?” He yelled.
“Sugar, George. It’s like butter, but it’s…not.” Mrs. Butterworth wasn’t sure how to explain what sugar was.
“Horrible! Terrible! Disgusting!” George wiped his tongue on his shirt sleeve. “Nasty! Foul! Repulsive! I shall never eat this…this…sugar stuff again as long as I live!”
“What do we do now?” Mrs. Butterworth cried later that night. The farmer had called another meeting with his cows, and they were determined to figure something out.
“Weeee shall not/wee shall not be miiilllked! Weeee shall not/we shall not be miiilllked!" The cows chanted quietly.
“SILENCE!” Mrs. Butterworth roared. The barn was instantly silent, after all, this lady, however crazy looking she may be, was the queen. “What can we do to end the prince’s non-eating streak?”
“Well…” A cow finally spoke up. “What if…”
“GEORGE!” Mrs. Butterworth yelled the next day, running into the castle. “GEORGE! LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE!” She pointed angrily out the window.
“It’s a nice day out.” George observed obliviously.
“LOOK AT THE COWS!” Mrs. Butterworth roared. “They’re so exhausted from making butter for you they all died!”
“This is cheesy!” George said. “That one just twitched.”
“It most certainly did not! Dead cows don’t twitch!” Mrs. Butterworth said. “George, I do hope you’re happy with yourself. Look what you’ve done.” She shook her head and walked off. George looked
out the window at the cows, lying on the grass.
Maybe they are dead, he thought, they still aren’t moving. Then, one by one, the cows began to get up and graze.
“Oooooh noooooooo!”One cow mooed, looking up at George looking out the window. “He is loooooooooooooooooooooking at us!” The cows quickly fell back to the grass.
“Cheesy.” George muttered, walking off.
“We must do something.” Mrs. Butterworth complained later that night. “It’s been almost a week since George has eaten anything!”
“weeee shall not/wee shall not be miiilllked! weeee shall not/we shall not be miiilllked!”
“SILENCE, please!” Mrs. Butterworth complained.
“What if,” the farmer started nervously, “we locked George in a room with a cake or something, and refused to let him out until he eats it?”
“I’m not sure how well that would go.” Mrs. Butterworth said. “I suppose, as queen, I could…”
The barn door flew open and the king, Mr. Butterworth, came in.
“I HAVE AN IDEA!” He announced.
“George, we have a proposal for you.” Mr. and Mrs. Butterworth said the next day.
“Are the cows making butter yet?”
“No, they’re making milk, like always.” Mr. Butterworth sighed. “I mean, they’re not making milk.”
“Fine. Tell me this proposal of yours.” The prince huffed.
“We shall send out one hundred knights, and have them search the land for butter to bring back to you. The one that brings back what you search for will win a grand reward, and you will
have your butter!” Queen Butterworth exclaimed.
The prince nearly jumped out of his seat, “Wonderful! Splendid! Send out the search party IMMEDAITELY!”
The king and queen nodded, then rushed off to call their plan into motion.
After a month of searching, and ninety-nine nights returning unsuccessful, the royal family of The Land of Dairy was distraught.
“It has been an entire month,” Prince George wailed, “and not ONE knight has brought me back butter! How will I survive?”
Just then, the royal family heard the drawbridge being lowered, and galloping heard on the bridge. Soon a knock was heard on the large castle doors.
“Prince George! I have accomplished my task!” the booming voice of a knight called.
The prince, desperate for his butter, squealed with joy, and sprinted to swing open the huge doors.
“BUTTER BUTTER BUTTER GIMME THE BUTTER!” He cried. The knight reached into his saddlebag and pulled out a tub of butter. “YIPPEEE!” the prince screeched. The knight chuckled as he dismounted his
The king waved over the knight, and whispered “Is it the right stuff?”
“Yep! Buttery Spread” The knight nodded, and the queen beamed.
“This was the best idea I have ever had!” She declared. “Oh Georgie!” She called.
“We have… something to tell you. Have you already finished that butter?” The queen asked, rather surprised.
“Of course! I haven’t eaten in A MONTH!”
“Oh, yes, that’s right.” The king nodded, “So, how do you like your butter?”
“It’s delicious! When does the rest come?”
“We can make this butter right here!” the knight smiled. “Because the cows don’t have to do a single thing! They will never have to be milked again!”
“Really?!” The prince gasped. “How?”
“Because this” the queen gestured to the empty tub “is not real butter. It’s made from oils and stuff!”
George’s jaw dropped, and he nearly fell backwards out of his chair. “Really?!”
“Really!” The other three exclaimed.
“Oh, my goodness!” The prince stared down at the empty tub. “I can’t believe it’s not butter!”
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