Does It Kill You

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic

Because... I tried to get the words out so I wouldn't cut. But it just went to prove why I should... I'm sorry, Austin.

 

You tell me you love me,

but every time I hear you talk about her your voice betrays your words.

Not good enough.

Not good enough.

I'm never good enough.

You broke up with me,

then dated her three days later...

and never once did you act this way when you were dating her.

The very thought of me never made you cry,

a picture of me never made you depressed,

whenever you were reminded of me I was nothing but a fading memory-

blown by the wind.

But now that she's gone and you have me instead...

She's the one that got away, isn't she?

And I'm the one you got stuck with.

Admit it...

You want her.

I'm just the filler in between the two good chapters,

the nothingness to fill your empty heart.

I knew you were to good for me,

and one day you'll finally realize it.

On that day, I'll be alone;

because you will leave,

and never look back.

Did it ever kill you to see my picture when you were with her?

Like it kills you to see her now.

Or was I really just... another lover.

Did you ever care that every time I saw your face I died on the inside.

I guess that's why you can say I'm so weak now,

because each day that went by that you were away from me I died a little.

You never cared, though.

I doubt you still do.

You told me to write out my feelings,

it'll keep me from bleeding.

But tonight...

I don't care.

This will be a red Christmas.

Did it ever kill you to think about me with another man,

like it does with her?

Did it ever kill you to think you're the one that left me...

I waited for you.

While you were off with her,

I waited...

Prayed...

Don't I make you happy?

Am I really that unimportant to you?

I guess...

I'll never be good enough.

And that kills me...

Did it kill you to read this?

If you even took the time.

I doubt you did.

Because you don't want to hear these things...

I know you wont tell me if you did, Austin.

Because really...

It's true, isn't it.

I'm not good enough.

I'm not good enough to heal your heart,

to make you feel happy,

to undo the wrong another caused you,

to mend the broken promises...

I'm not good enough.

That's why I'll cut tonight....

Because I'm not good enough.

Goodbye heart,

I will forever be known as the girl that cared too much.

Well, I guess that's gonna change...

The girl that cared so much will snap tonight.

The girl that promised she'd never break,

broke.

And she no longer cares...

Because why should she care when all there is, is pain?

Goodnight...

Because this sun will never rise again.

Goodbye, Austin.

I guess this girl that's never gonna be good enough is going to go now.

I don't know who you'll meet next...

But that's her problem, not mine.

Because I'm leaving now to change,

Change into someone who doesn't dream of the day you will smile because of her,

knowing it will never come,

knowing there will always be another girl who will steal that smile away.

Did it kill you to see my picture when she had your heart?

Because she still has it, even though we're together again.

I can tell you one thing...

It kills me to see you like this.

Not sad,

but broken.

Because you're still in love with her,

and I will never be good enough.

 


Submitted: December 25, 2013

© Copyright 2022 swords edge. All rights reserved.

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