It's All Inside Her Head

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
A story about a girl trying to figure how her life and wondering if it is worth it. She is learning to love not only life but perhaps a boy who has always been there.

The images were acquired by Google images.

Submitted: October 03, 2015

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Submitted: October 03, 2015

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“No, don't do this!” I hear him scream.
 “I’m sorry,” I manage to shout back at him through the sobs and terror.
 I glance back at him for one last time to remember that beautiful face. 
Then, I look at the thousand-foot something cliff in front of me. 
I knew I had to do this. For me. For him. If I didn't; we would be trapped here forever. 


He tries to grab for me, but by the time he does. . . I was already off of the edge. 
I can feel my white dress flying around me already. 
I can feel the sensation of falling, plunging into my utter demise. 
The cold air whistling around me as I plummet down to the abyss.
Tears filled my eyes knowing I was hurting him by doing this. But there was no other way. . . 
The smell of the sea it hits me right then.

I remember. . . I had always loved the smell of the sea.  
 

 The feel of the icy-cold water on my feathery skin shocks me back from memory land. It happened so fast I didn't realize how time had gone by in what seemed like a flash.
It was in just moment. I was alive but now I was dead. I was dead finally.

 My last thought were, "Good bye, cruel World. I never liked you anyway." 

----------------------------------------------------------------

After that moment is when I wake up. I realize that it had only been a dream. No, I should correct myself because it wasn't a dream. It was a nightmare. I remember the pained look on his face. I try to calm myself down but I just can’t. I feel so sick to my stomach and with myself. How I could do that to him and myself? It is just too horrible to imagine killing myself. I remind myself to focus on the now. My body was slick with a layer of sweat. I would need a nice, hot shower.  Then, out of nowhere my cell phone goes off. The sound of it ringing frightens me at first. It was the ring tone that freaks me out the most. It was him, the guy in my dream. I had to answer it or he’d know something was up. I grumble at myself and manage to answer it. 

“Hey, Misty,” he says. 


“Hi,” I mumble along trying to act normal. 


“Are you alright?” he asks. 


"Yes, I'm fine," I say (of course lying).


 I couldn't believe I was lying to my best guy friend. A guy friend that I care a lot about. 
 

“Misty, come on I know you better than that,” he replies to my lie, “I know when you are lying to me.” “Come on tell me what’s wrong,” he asks. 
 

“Cody, seriously I'm fine,” I said trying to convince both him and myself. 


“Misty,” he says in a stricter tone, “please tell me what’s wrong." "You know you can trust me with about anything.”


“I know,” I say feeling guilty. 


“So, what is wrong?” he asks again.


 “I just had that dream again,” I say. 


“The one you told me about?” he asks.


“Yeah,” I reply.


 “Misty, don’t worry about it it’s just a dream,”


 “I know, but sometimes it just feels so real,” I say. “Hey, Cody, you said I could trust you with anything right?” I ask remembering that I desperately needed to tell him this. 
This little thing that I pushed myself to tell him everyday but never did. 


“Yeah,” he says.


 I could I do it. I could tell him I liked him more than friend. 
No, no I could not the other part of me screams.


 “Misty was there something you wanted to tell me something?” he asks. 


“Uh, no,” I say, “forget about it.” 


“Oh,” he says, “Misty, is it something bad?”

 
“It’s not that,” I say. “It’s something really personal and it might change things between us.” “I don’t know how you’d react, sorry,” I say quietly.


“Misty, it’s alright, I understand,” he says.


 I start to cry a bit. I really want to tell him. He is my big, protective best friend. He reminds me of a giant teddy bear.


“Misty, are you crying?” he asks. 


I sniffle a bit and say, "No." 
I wipe my tears away. 


“Cody, I really want to tell you the thing I want to tell you” I say trying to do it again.

 
“Then, why don’t you?” he asks.

 
“Because I am scared to,” I mumble back.  


“Don’t be scared, how about this I come over?” he states, “then you can tell me ok.” 


“Um, ok then I’ll see you in a bit,” I say sniffling.

 
“Yeah, then I’ll see you soon,” he says hanging up. 


“Yeah, I guess you will,” I say crying again. 

I feel so sad and miserable but I don’t want him to know that. So, I force myself out of bed at three in the morning. Then, I take a nice, hot shower. The hot water beating against my bare body made me forget for a second my problems at hand. Afterwards, I quickly get dressed and try to cover up with make-up on my now redden cheeks. Hoping that he will not know that I’ve been crying. Even though he really would already. He can always seem to magically know I was upset somehow. As I am putting my long, curly hair in a ponytail. I hear a knock at the door. I take a deep breath and head towards the door. I give myself a moment to relax. Then, I finally open the door. Next, I see his face and it is full of concern. I feel even worse then I had before. I try to hold my composure. 


I say in my mumbling tone that I use a lot “um, come in.” He comes in sullen and quiet. He must be more worried about me than I thought. I could tell just by looking at him. Why did I do this to him? I am such an awful person (in my own opinion). He goes over to my bed and sits on it. He is being very quiet. I decided to sit beside him, but keep my distance a bit. We are silent for what seems like forever. Which has only been a few minutes. When he finally speaks he takes my hands. I blush redder than I was before and try very hard not to look at him. He notices this and begins to speak. 

“Misty, I need to know something and it may be strange to ask but how you feel about me.” he says.


 I don’t know how to answer him. I am scare. Who am I kidding? I am terrified to answer him. What if he doesn’t feel the same way. So, I pry my hands away from his and I avoid looking in to his face. 


“Misty, please I would like an answer to my question and  I would really like to know,” he said pleading with me. 


“I’m… I’m going outside for some air,” I say quickly trying to avoid this situation.
I want to tell him. I want to but the fear is too strong.  


“Misty,” he says as I try to go out the front door. Damn it, he is blocking my way out.

“Please let me go outside,” I say. 


“Not until  you answer my question,” he replies. I try with a lot of effort to push him out of  my way. By accident, he accidentally pushes me more rougher than he should. 
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he says as he tries to help me up. But I will not let him touch me. He  decides to pick me up and hold me in his arms. 


“Put me down,” I scream at him.


 “Calm down” he says trying to calm me down. 

I become angry and try to punch him or at least land a hit on him. I did a bunch of times, but he is so stubborn and takes each hit. He goes back to my bed and sits on it again holding me still (of course against my will). I cross my hands to show how mad I am at him. Then, he does something very unexpected. He kisses me! I don’t know how to react, but after awhile I find myself kissing him back. After a while, he pulls away. I feel kind of upset yet quite happy. I don’t know how to what to do now. 


“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that,” he says like he had done something wrong. 
“No, it’s- its ok, it’s just I didn’t expect you to kiss me” I say back blushing. 
“Well, I didn‘t expect you to be so difficult,” he says. “ I decided I needed to do something that would get your attention.” 
“I needed to show you how I felt about you too, Misty.”


I could be so difficult sometimes but that's the way I've always been. It was then, right at the perfect moment that I realized something. That I ran away because I was afraid. Afraid that I was going to get hurt or abused in some way. Pain does that to you. It makes you fearful to be around others. That is what I realized. That I didn't need to put up all these defenses. Sure, the defenses were good to a point but they didn't let me live. I loved him and I shouldn't shy away. That is what my dream showed me. That I was strong enough that I could plunge off of a thousand foot cliff. That I could survive. 

"I know, Cody," I said and kiss him back. 

 

 

 

 


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