Save Me

It is raining outside and it's only a drizzle at the moment. I know it will become a raging storm in only a matter of hours. It is as if the weather is reflecting my current mood. I, Amy Hunter, am filled with depressed and suicide thoughts. There is a roar of thunder and a flash of lighting. It is sad that it's come to this. I need someone to stop me-- before it's too late, before I do something that I can't take back ever. The first and only person that pops in my head is Derek, my boyfriend. I take out my cellphone and push in his phone number. I press the select button and it calls him. 

"Please answer, please answer," I mumble. 

It goes to his voicemail. 

"Damn it," I shout. "Derek, it's me I need you to call me back."

I pause to try to think of my next words.

"It's urgent, babe, I really need you-- I've reached my limit."

I end the call and huddle in the corner of my room. My red hair falls on to my face. Tears flow like streams on to my face and I wonder how did it come to this. I was bullied as a child but that was only the start of the negativity. I sometimes felt like nothing so far has gone right in life. There were bright spots, of course but the negativity corrupted me. Right now is one of those times that the negativity has won. I need him and he didn't answer his damn phone. I throw my phone in anger. I hear a thud as it hits the floor. I think back to how I got here. 

From the moment I woke up it started out as a bad day. I just didn't want to wake up or get out of bed.  I should have drunk some coffee. I forgot to bring my purse, so I had to turn around and get it. I missed a turn and had to re-route myself. Just simple things like that for a person who suffers from depression is detrimental. You don't mean for things to get you down but they do in the end. I tried to act as though I was ok, but who was I kidding. I just focused on trying to get through my day and act as though nothing was wrong. It just took over-thinking and stress. I just slipped off of trying to be ok and I just couldn't take it anymore. 

It doesn't matter what cause me to be like this. All I know is that I'm at my breaking point. I want it all to end-- this pain I feel deep inside myself --I want it to go away. The rain is coming down harder and harder. The winds are picking up outside. The knife is in my hand before I know it. Tears spill out and I feel a storm of emotions within me. I bring the knife to my wrist. I try to bring it closer, to make a mark, or do some sort of damage. That's when I hear banging on my door. 

"Amy, please let me in," says a familiar and the most beautiful voice.

He throws himself at the door several times until it breaks open. He comes in and grabs the knife out of my hand. He throws it across the room and pulls me in a hug. He is completely wet from head to toe but I don't care.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't pick up."

"It's ok, you came just in time," I say, "I'm the one who should be sorry."

"Hun, it's not ok that you decided to act on how you are feeling right now," says Derek,"but it isn't your fault." 

"Then, whose fault is it?" I say as calmly as I can," because it feels like it's my fault."

"It's no one's fault," he says, "you are just in pain right now." "It will get better."

"It's hard to believe that," I say not convinced.

"I know it's hard to believe right now," he says, "but it will and can get better." "You just have to be patient."

"Patience isn't something I'm good with," I say.

"That's why you've got me, babe," he says smiling. 

"I know and thank you for being here for me," I say, "I know it can't be easy."

"It may not be easy but there is no place I rather be," he says and kisses me. "You don't need to thank me either, honey, because there is nothing I enjoy more than being with you."

That's what I love about him. He can make a bad situation better. He listens to me. He is there for me. So, I need to be strong, not just for me but for him. So it's time to get up, brush off the day, and live.

I decide it time to get up from my little corner of misery as well. It late in the day, so, there is no point of leaving my room. I'm slightly hungry but I will fix that in the morning. It's too late now to worry about. I'm too tired now to think anyway of what I would like to eat or anything else for that matter. At first, I try to get up on my own but I am overwhelmed by dizziness. It's either from the lack of eating for some hours or most likely from getting up too quick.

"Are you ok," he asks out of concern.

"Yeah, I was trying to get up," I say, "but I think I got up too quickly."

 He gives me a look of concern that I am very familiar with.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to worry you even more," I say in a sad tone of voice. "I thought I could get up on my own. . . I just forgot that you shouldn't get up too fast or a wave of dizziness happens."

"How about this time you let me help you up," he says, "just in case."

"Ok," I say, "only because I really want to get up and I don't feel like crawling myself to my bed."

Part of me is joking about crawling to my bed but at the same time I'm not kidding. I feel tired from just the day I've went through. He helps me up and leads me to my bed. Suddenly, there is another flash of lighting and a clap of thunder. I feel myself jump from fright. Derek pulls me in for a hug trying to comfort me.

"Almost there, babe," he says in a soothing voice,"let's hope you can fall asleep soon." "Sleep is what you need right now."

"I hope so too," I say sleepily, "if that storm gets any worse. . ."

"I know, I know you won't be able to sleep," he says, "don't worry I'm here for you."

"I know," I say smiling.

We make it to my bed and cuddle. It's the best place in the world to me. I find myself slipping off to sleep. 

I wake up the next morning and push the curtains and blinds out of the way. I see a beautiful sight of a rainbow. Another day. Another try. I look back at my wonderful boyfriend and smile. I climb back in bed and just wait for him to wake up. 

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