(Old) Savior of Alowen
Reads: 1330 | Likes: 0 | Shelves: 0 | Comments: 16
Book by: SynHawk
In the time of Dragons and powers long past. An evil starts to spread, and within the coming darkness a hero will be pulled. To defend a small town, and shape the fates of all.
This is the novel I am writing at the moment, I know it's not a good summary, but read the first chapter and bare with it, it gets better.
Table of Contents
Submitted: March 06, 2007
Submitted: March 06, 2007
Submitted: March 06, 2007
Submitted: March 16, 2007
Submitted: May 01, 2007
Submitted: May 01, 2007
Recent Comments
very nice story i really like your characters and i noticed that you yourself seemed to be in your story. very nice i am a fantasy and mythology lover myself. very good work. i loved it
Author
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I'm pretty much SynHawk really ^^, I'm glad you like it and it's always good to find a fantasy fan ^^ thanks!
Hawk ^^
I totally agree, I don't want to stop reading, but I have to if I want to get some work done in school. Great job.
~DarkFairy~
Author
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Haha i'm glad you guys are so fond of it, I'll have caught up soon and I should have some new stuff on. Hang around and i'll see what I can dig up ^^ thanks
Hawk ^^
Ooh suspicious ending with a shadowy figure who brought a rat back to life, is he a Necromancer? I guess I'll just have to read on to find out.
~DarkFairy~
Author
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One might think that you have read a fantasy novel before ;) or are writing one now ^^ good guess. But more is to come, as always.
Hawk ^^
I love fighting scenes they are always full of great description and yours is no exception. When I finish reading the old I'll read the new then decide which I like better. Hey me and Liathano were talking and we noticed that even though Erika is a teen she is so bubbly she is like a little girl, so sometimes we forget she is older than she acts.
Author
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I'm glad you approve ^^ one of my better aspects, description. I'm also glad that you sometimes forget, I wanted to have Erika with the whole cute and bubbly act. Anyway, thankyou and onto the next wave of writing ^_^
Hawk ^^
I had to refresh myself with what was going on, but now I remember, and by the way thanks for telling me how you write your stories like a movie i'm trying it on my story so it will be better. It is working so far. I just love your imagery in your chapters it's so vivid.
~DarkFairy~
Author
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Hey thanks ^^ I've always liked how vivid I can get things in certain places. I'm glad your stuff is going better, I loved reading your novel. I'll be waiting to read more of your work
Hawk ^^
oh man i don't watn to stop it is getting so good...
just a few grammar mistakes but the only natural...
can't wait for the next chapter...
Author
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Well, the next one is. Well interesting.
Thanks ^^
so suspenceful, great chapter...
my only suggestion would be to not tell your readers Argon's name until we actually meet him in the story.
Author
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Ah yes, Argon. Well... you'll see. Anyway thanks ^^ I might post a chapter or two in the next couple of days. But when I do it wont be this copy of the novel. I'm going to start working on the New Savor of Alowen, so you won't get anything 'new' to read untill I start to overlap whats already written. Anyway, sleep awaits. Thanks again
Hawk^^
I loved the ending. How Hawk was doing magic and Erika didn't even realize it, it was cute. Now I see how your writing can be read like a moive. I think that could help me with my descriptions in my story, it seems to help your writing a lot. And thanks for helping my friend, Liathano.
Author
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Thanks ^^ I was going for the cute feeling in Erika, in magic and after 'we' eat something
Together with how I see it as a movie, I tend to dictate to myself in my mind as I write. My writing sounds alot better in speech than it reads. Just a random thought.
Hey, no problem, I actually didn't notice the connection betwene you tow untill I went back and checked the comments on your novel ^^ its a small world after all ~grins~
Hawk ^^
it is really good, i hope that this isn't the end.
once again great job on the fighting! :)
Author
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Really, thanks. At the moment I'm up to about chapter 12 or so. But I'm going to be going through and re-writing the entire thing, I'm not too sure how much I'm going to scrap and replace, anyway glad you enjoyed and I'll post a little bit more up soon
I like it...
though i did spot a couple of errors...
small things like you wrote his and i believe it was meant to be this...
and i don't know if you missed a word here or you just meant something else, you wrote "...burnt down your in the last..."
but it is still good
Author
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Thanks, must admit I'm not one for careful grammar and typing, lol I have a whole lot of human error in my stuff.
Thanks ^^
just keeps getting better and better.
however at the end you said, "doesn't worry..."
should that be "don't worry..."
just a thought.
Author
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oh thanks, i missed that
and thank you again ^^
not a whole lot of romance in this one is there? lol! but i liked it all the same, if not more then your others. i like the use of imagery in here. how do you get such describtion down on paper? i have been trying to do that for some time now, in fact i have a real intense fight scene coming up in my own novel and i can't find a way to visualize it like you do. maybe i can now?
Author
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Well... as for the way i get things down on paper... i guess i see the story as a movie, and since it's my own 'thing'. I can slow it down and I just write it as each second happens, plus I used to read a lot, and I watch a lot of anime. I guess it's influenced me on how I see things and describe them
and no, there is a distinct lack of romance ;)
- however i have currently re-written the first two chapters of Saviour of Alowen. i might post them up in a couple of days
I see you use yourself a lot in your stories. Pretty good read so far. Did you ever think of doing this professionally. I think you would make it big in world of fantasy readers.
Author
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I tend to influence my characters more than i would like ^^. I would like to be a writer as a profession, thanks ^^ now all i need is something finished
Yeah, yeah, I'm not impressed with the pretty lights. I am worse than Talkor! Just hit me.
Anyway, I like Thanos and Hawk talking in the kitchen. I did something like that in The Bane of Rendsberg Part IV. It gets some information out there (and one of my talkers was planning mischief).
Anyway, I meant to say in the last chapter that I think that you mean "drawer" when you write "draw" Weird quirky English words!
Anyway, I have finished reading what you have posted on this story. And it's okay.
Author
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Thanks, and if you like getting hit then you might enjoy the next chapter. Although it is once again based on magic.
Ok, I've made the new corrections and in about thirty seconds I'll be posting chapter four, Teaching.
Thanks again for your help, always good for my writing to *not* make peoples eyes bleed with pain... unless there is something you haven't told me ^^;
Okay, I'm back. Have to sleep sometime, you know.
It looks like Hawk is safe and sound and has fallen into the bit about the vampires. The story of Vachilli was interesting. I kind of thought that Avis would have heard something and gone to her room to find it empty. I know, too stereo-typical.
Valis seems to take it alright. It is funny that Vachilli has not returned to the village since then or there has been sightings of her. Vampires tend to do such things. After all, it seems she maintain most of her human characterisitics. She could have gone after her sister or something of the like. Oh well. Your story, and I figure that Vachilli's master had other plans for her than general chaos.
Just a curious thought. What does 'Valis' mean. I have a song on one of my CD's called "Valis", and I was just wondering.
Anyway, the story is moving along well. You have some awkward wordings here and there especially at the beginning, but if you do a re-write many times that will work its way out.
Author
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The word Valis is an interesting one, it in fact means... ok I have no idea. It was just something I pulled out of my head, pretty much like all the other names in my stories (Avia was first Asha, just for a random slice of trivia)
It's a good point about Vachilli not coming back to the town, I never actually considered it. I think, i'm not too sure. I started this novel about two and a half years ago and there was a break of about seven months. But anyway, I think the 'big bad' would probably have kept her away.
Again, thanks for the help
(I re-wrote chapter one a year ago, so it is in fact newer than the first six chapters I think. So this is probably the oldest and least improved of the novel... in theory it should just improve)
Well, this was a good exciting read for a first chapter, and I will say that you caught the reader's attention with the action and mystery.
You have a few grammar issues. You use 'your' when you mean 'you're' a couple of times.
You have this typo, "“Not quite ruining, I intend to finish this” ". I think you mean running.
YOu slip into present tense on this line "Throwing her back he swings his blade at her again, "
And finally, there is "Vachilli glared at SynHawk as their bodies slowly moved, their feet as fluid as a cat.' I think it should be 'cats' because it refers to both of them.
Again, the story was really good, and I enjoyed this first chapter. I must be off to bed, so I will try to get back to this story later.
Author
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Hey Alteng, Thank you so much for the help. I know that grammar... is not quite my strong point. But hey no ones perfect. Thanks for the pointers, i've made the changes to the master document and will continue to do so whenever you or anyone finds something. Now, onto the next comment!
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