There once was a tall, lithe young man who, despite his luck in many other ways, had the incredible misfortune of being called The Wind. Master Wind was, incidentally, an irrefutably fast runner. However, while he broke records as fast as he created them, there were many popular lines following him around the track. “As fast as The Wind!” and “You can’t pass Wind!” were some such explications, among many others.
The Wind took it all in his stride, for he was a very popular boy at school. He would breeze through his tests and blow away his teachers. Even the principal acknowledged the fact that he did nothing without gusto.
Due to the confusion that arose when The Wind’s first name was used on its own, he was simply known as Wind. (Wind’s English teacher sounded particularly grammatically incorrect when she announced, “The is finally here!”).
You might think: ‘Well what kind of parents in their right mind would name their child ‘The’?’ A good question deserves a good answer. The’s mum was both blind and deaf, and his dad had a rare disease in which he would totally ignore the existence of the letter ‘o’ in written form. So, while attempting to name his newborn son ‘Theo’, Mr. Wind lacked the ability to write the ‘o’ on the end, even though it was his every intention. Failing to point out any potential error, the horrendously bashful and polite nurse picked up the paperwork and the deed was done.
Aside from this, it seems even more unlikely that The’s middle name would be “North-Easterly”. Which is why it was not. His father was not stupid.
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