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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Bertie does not want to marry his cousin Marjorie...things change for the worse when Marjorie learns Bertie is not interested in marriage

Submitted: January 04, 2013

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Submitted: January 04, 2013





Bertie sat rather sad and sullen. He looked upto the heavens. Marriage was the last thing he wanted to step into and that too with Majorie. He did not want marriage for it was a damn responsibility and secondly Majorie may have been a close friend but he certainly had no attraction towards her. She was rather plump and motherly. Oh, she talked so loud and she wouldn’t know when to end.

Damn it, his father had always been rather someone who wanted it his way only. And Majorie was after all his elder brother’s only daughter. He had talked about his feelings to his father but the old retired colonel was rather a stubborn old ass. And his mother who had seeked a divorce when he was eighteen years old simply didn’t want to have anything to do with the affair.

He had been lost in contemplation whilst on flush in the washroom when he heard the front door downstairs open. And he heard his father talking with some female with a loud, booming and high pitched voice.

Of course it was Majorie. She was twenty five years old. With an expressionless chubby, round face, her lips were thin and small. The front teeth jutted outwards giving her an awkward expression.

She had deep blue eyes set in small slits which gave her the look of those ‘Orientals’. Unfortunately her slightly bulging stomach looked awful in the tight black dress that hugged her body. Her obesity and looks had never perturbed her. She was only too happy to learn that she was to be married to her cousin Bertie.

Bertie in the meanwhile had washed his hands and moved out of the washroom. As he stepped into his bedroom, he heard his father hollering out calling him downstairs.



He meekly made his way down the stairway towards the drawing room. There sprawled over the sofas was Majorie looking very happy. Her humongous body occupied more than a half of the two-seater placed in a corner of the room.

 On seeing Bertie, she let out a squeal as she leapt forward and flung herself onto an unsuspecting Bertie. Imagine 460 pounds of flesh jumping onto you. And Bertie unable to bear the load of Majorie fell down along with Majorie on top of him. The Colonel let out a loud cackle before he burst into a fit of laughter.

Bertie suddenly remembered the days when he had tried playing football. Memories of being nailed by the defense tackling him down on so many occasions so came flooding in. He had lost his breath for a while. And before he could get up, he found Marjorie trying to smother him with her kisses. It was with great difficulty and a lot of pleading before he could manage to wiggle out and place himself at some distance from Marjorie.

Colonel Sanders had left them alone. Bertie finally broke the silence and said “Marjorie, I  have something to tell you. Something really serious.”

“That you love me” asked Marjorie.

“No, not that. I don’t want to get married. I don’t feel that it would work. You and I are entirely different human beings. I just don’t have any feelings for you. I am sorry but that is the bitter truth. I don’t want to spend the rest of my unnatural life with you for I love someone.”

Of course Bertie was lying. However Marjorie had rolled up her sleeves and looked quite menacing with her clenched fists and her beady eyes popping out as she strode towards him apparently in a fit of rage. Her whole body quivered and her booming voice emanated a loud snort. She stood akimbo and then she suddenly leapt at Bertie and started pummeling him with a flurry of punches. Bertie was not expecting this and was surprised at the ferocity of her attack. She clawed at his face, tugged at his hair, she bit him, kicked him and Bertie was nearly helpless. She was now sitting on top of him and threatening to suffocate him. Luckily the manservant Holmes stepped in. He was a huge fella and he pulled off Marjorie. The noise brought Colonel Sanders onto the scene. Seeing Marjorie shake in rage and his son bleeding from a gash on his face, Colonel Sanders soon got to the bottom of the matter.

He did not like what he saw. And reluctantly he decided that it was best that Bertie not marry Marjorie though he adored her.

“She is quite spirited”, uttered Colonel Sanders.

“No dad, she seems to have a license to kill” replied Bertie.

“She mauled you”, said Colonel Sanders.

“No she has destroyed my manhood”, wailed a woe begone Bertie.

“I think I need a few sessions with a psychiatrist after this traumatic experience”, uttered Bertie.




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