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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: January 10, 2013

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Submitted: January 10, 2013







In conservative countries, adultery is admonished and forbidden which is alright though young men and women are expected to masturbate till they marry. Men are expected to use their hands or some toilet and soap to help them create that feeling that they are having sex. Women are also expected to use various means for achieving orgasms and for fulfilling sexual desire.

By the time, men achieve marriage age they have developed serious ejaculation and penile disorders with impotence being the mother of all problems.

And Peter was happy that he had been born in Britain. He had had sex when he was as young as eleven. So he had Infact achieved something that so many young people could have only imagined when they were his age.  But by the time he got married, he had already had sex so many times that it wasn’t anything new or special for him.

At first glance Betty looked quite masculine. That bull dog expression, that protruding and bulging stomach which made her look 9 months pregnant, those balloons for breasts, that double chin, those puffed up cheeks, that flat nose, those tufts of hair on her legs and her hormonal imbalances made her one of the most insipid looking women in Britain. When she had been born, she had believed that she should have been a boy. It was a gender disorder that she had. So she had dressed up like a boy for most of her young age till she had psychological help to set her right.

 On their wedding night, Betty who was a virgin, made a lot of hue and noise. She screamed out that the sex was painful. So Peter had to wait a week before he could even touch her. A week later she experienced an abdominal cramp and she declared that she thought she was pregnant. Peter told her that it was not possible but Betty was adamant and so he had to take her to a gynecologist. She returned a negative on her pregnancy test and her abdominal pain was diagnosed as a menstrual cramp.

For their honey moon, they decided to visit Bangkok, Thailand. They visited the beaches and the night clubs. And the beautiful women and lady boys had caught Peter’s attention but Betty had been quite disgusted especially on seeing women with penises. She had defined Thailand as a sex trap for the perverted.

 And so they spent much of their time sight-seeing and shopping things for Betty. It took years for Betty to decide upon what to buy. She had a sharp and caustic tongue and a desire for haggling and more haggling. You had to have patience dealing with a customer that asks you to show you all your wares and then abruptly decide an hour later that it was not worth the price. Much to Peter’s annoyance and irritation, Betty was pretty difficult to get along with. You had to be in agreement with whatever she said or thought otherwise you risked her blowing into one of her fierce and sharp tempers where no one was safe.

Some Thai women had dared to chat him up and Betty had suddenly arrived on the scene only to blow up in a fierce rage. She had jumped into the pool with her clothes on and it wasn’t long before she was involved in an ugly punching and kicking melee with the two Thai ladies. There was a lot of shouting and screaming involved which bought the hotel security personnel and manager to the scene. It took three men to break up the fight. Peter disappeared rapidly from the pool. He went upstairs and took a shower. It was in a hurry that he had worn a pair of Levis Jeans and a white T-Shirt. He had locked the door hurriedly and gone down to the hotel lounge where he had handed in his key.

He then asked the hotel manager about what had happened to the British woman who had been invited in a skirmish with the Thai women. And he told him that she had been let off with a slight warning. She was currently sitting in the security office. Peter thought initially of leaving without her but the good soul within him did not allow him to do so. When he entered the security office, he saw Betty flopped on a sofa. She looked up at him. Peter had thought she would lash out at him but she did not. It was evident from her wet eyes that she had been crying. She jumped up and hugged him.

The head of security called Peter over and told him in a low tone that he was letting her off on the condition that such an incident will not be tolerated in future.

So Peter left with Betty who was still wet after her skirmish within the pool. They went back to their room where Betty had a shower. She was wearing a pair of blue Levis jeans and an off-white shirt. They decided to head for a Pizza Hut branch that was a five minute walk from their hotel. Both Peter and Betty were extremely hungry. They were soon biting into the medium sized Chicken Fajita Pizza they had ordered.

When Betty ate anything, she made loud gurgling noises. She had a habit of greedily stuffing food into her mouth. Quite often she swallowed food without properly chewing it. The belching that followed later was simply horrendous and disgusting. Even today she her regular self and Peter knew beforehand that Betty would soon be commencing her belching spell.

He excused himself on the pretext of going to the washroom but took a seat in the corner of the restaurant that was hidden from view. And then the farting session commenced. It was loud enough for everyone to hear. Some of the people were amused whilst others were disgusted. Peter thanked his lucky stars that he was not sitting next to her.

On their way back, they entered a narrow lane which had a string of strip bars and dance clubs on either side. A number of prostitutes standing outside a brothel called Peter saying that they would give them a nice time. And Betty had growled in her deep manly voice ordering Peter to look ahead otherwise she would give him a good whipping when they got back to the hotel.

Peter felt like a prisoner. Where was his freedom?  He felt as if he was trapped in a bad nightmare. Those good ole bachelor days had been so much fun. Why had his mother married him to her? I mean what was the point. This bride from hell had ruined his life. It was if he was her puppy on a leash. She was a tyrant and a domineering woman. Or maybe this was Gods way of punishing him. Whatever the reason, he was in a bad fix.

Back in the hotel room, Peter slumped into one of the sofas and turned on the television. Meanwhile Betty or ugly Betty as Peter thought of her had jumped onto the bed. The spring mattress squeaked under her weight. She weighed over 350 pounds. It was lucky that the bed had not tipped over. And she was soon snoring. Initially Peter had not been able to sleep with her making those grunting and snorting noises. But he soon adjusted. He had to put in cotton balls into his ears to escape that din and noise. There were times when she would want to hug and kiss him. Though such occasions were few and quite rare, she often threatened to squeeze the life out of him.


Apart from that imagine having to sleep with someone who has dragon breath. Though she did brush her teeth, her breath still smelled most foul for she ate a lot of garlic regularly. Peter had expressed his displeasure at this routine but she had not been greatly concerned with his anguish.

Betty lay fast asleep. It was her evening nap. Now Betty lay fast asleep. And since Peter had married her, it had been a regular routine. She would sleep at exactly three in the evening and wake up around five. Rather bored, Peter decided to visit the bar downstairs. A lot of tourists from across the world were lodged at the Hyatt Regency. He spotted a number of British and American tourists. However Peter was usually a loner and an introvert. He was not the type who liked to mingle and interact too much. So he chose a remote corner of the bar.

He liked observing people. A waiter asked him if he would like something to drink and he settled for fresh orange juice and a plate of tuna sandwiches. There were so many different people from so many different nations and cultures present in the bar at the moment. There were short men and women and then there were tall ones. Some of them were young, some were old. Some very beautiful, some were average looking and then there were others who were not worth a glance. As he looked around, his eyes fell upon a young Thai woman who was petite and very sexy. She was wearing an open blouse and a miniskirt. With one hand latching onto a smoking cigarette, she seemed to be glancing towards him. Peter did not have the habit of staring at ladies anymore. He looked away for a moment and sipped his glass of chilled orange juice. When he raised his eyes, he was surprised to see the young Thai woman walking over to the place where he was seated. She placed herself in the seat placed opposite him. Ah! It was a beautiful countenance that his eyes looked upon. Alas when she started talking, Peter was shocked to hear a very male and masculine voice.

It was evident from Peter’s facial expressions that he was shell shocked. Now the so called Thai lady spoke and introduced herself as Kelly.

“Don’t be shocked”, said Kelly. “I am a lady boy”. ‘People also know us better as shemales and transsexuals.’

Peter had read about them and he could not believe his eyes. Here was a He-She or whatever this creature that looked like a woman in every way except she had a masculine voice and a small penis as well.

For a while Peter was lost what to say or what not to and the only thing he could mutter was “It’s been nice meeting you but I am not interested in knowing you any further.”

Kelly stared at him and said “Aren’t you interested in sex? I will give you a blow job for free. Come on I have had sex with so many Western gentlemen like you. They did not think twice about it. Now you are a very handsome gentleman and I have developed a liking for you.”

Peter was lost for words. He remained quiet for a while. Here he was in Bangkok, Thailand and of all the people in the world, a transsexual had developed a liking for him. Oh my God! He looked around and he saw interested faces peering at him. This could not be happening. What would the people say or think about him. He felt his heart racing. He looked up to Kelly and said in a low voice “Listen tell me how much do you want and I will pay you but please leave me. Please go!”

Kelly looked amused at first. However the smile that had been pasted on Kelly’s face suddenly gave way to anger. She slapped him on the face and left. The ferocity of the blow caught Peter by surprise. Everyone wheeled about to see what had happened. Some were laughing. Others were perhaps as shocked as he was.

After paying the bill, he hurriedly left the bar and made his way to the lifts. His room was located on the second floor.

Meanwhile Betty had been sound asleep. However she had this peculiar habit of rolling around and well she tipped over the side of the bed and fell down onto the carpet below with a thud. For a while she had screamed and moaned but she recovered rather quickly and pulled herself up. She looked about and Peter was nowhere to be seen. At first she thought that he might have been in the washroom but when she found it happy, she guessed that Peter was probably enjoying himself somewhere. What if he had gone down to a strip bar or to one of the unlimited brothels in Bangkok? What if he was trying to chat up women behind his back? After all he was so handsome.



Her mother had told her to keep a tight eye and reign on all his activities. “You can’t trust handsome men, Betty my love” she had said. “Keep an eye over him”.

For a while Betty was filled with a fear and panic. She was wearing a black skirt. Hurriedly she slipped on her slippers. She was about to leave when Peter suddenly strode in. For a while she just remained quiet and glared at him. Her face was screwed up in one of her bull dog expressions. Those beady eyes rolled about as she snorted and decided on a future course of action. Peter looked upon her with a fair degree of confidence and assertiveness and told her that he had been down in the bar having some orange juice and sandwiches.

She had now stood up and her hands were placed on her hips. Her face had assumed a brutish expression and the tip of her nose had reddened. Peter had somehow realized that she was about to blow up in one of her fierce tempers. The volcano was about to explode and he was not safe. Peter had been attacked by his wife with slippers and shoes on many previous occasions. This time Peter ran out of the hotel room at top speed. Betty had just started cursing and swearing at him threatening to give him a good hiding. And Peter had been in no mood to be involved in any such altercation that usually ended in his wife trying to hit him with whatever came in her hand.

Peter ran downstairs and Betty was too fat to come after him. However Peter had enough. He wanted a divorce. He had gone back to his room with the aid of the hotel security. They had understood his predicament. When they opened the hotel room, they found the entire room in a mess. The lamps that had been hurled in anger upon the bedroom walls had broken into many pieces. A mirror placed on the dresser lay shattered. Broken pieces and shards of the mirror were strewn on the carpet and on the dresser. The Television lay on the floor. Its screen had been broken into thousands of pieces. The sofa set lay overturned. The whole room was a big mess. And Betty lay seated on the carpet. She shrieked and screamed on seeing the security personnel. And she launched another volley and round of swearing and cursing. However it did not affect them. There were five of them armed with taser guns. They asked her to come along with them but she had refused to do so.


At the moment Betty was like a dangerous animal that had been unexpectedly cornered. And she was about to strike back when she was tasered by one of the guards. She shook violently for a while before being conked out temporarily.

Betty was put in jail for three days before being deported. Peter had decided to divorce her and had left her a letter stating that the marriage was over. He had left for England a day after Betty was jailed in Bangkok.

Strangely he felt relieved and like a new man. He was a free man now; free to do whatever he wanted.

Though his aunt and mother had initially disapproved of his behavior but his mother had later silently approved when she heard about her antics and tales.






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