Doubt--Part 2 of Uncertain (Poem)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
I don't know what I should do. My conscience screams that what I'm doing is wrong, but my heart and part of my mind scream that it's right. So what now?

Submitted: February 27, 2010

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Submitted: February 27, 2010

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Doubt

***

I asked you

Where we are now,

And you told me

That we're together.

I didn't know then

That I would feel anything but joy

That you are mine.

It's what I've wanted

For a long time,

But in my dreams

She was always there too.

In my fantasies, you were mine,

But she was my friend too.

In reality, that's not how it worked,

And now I find myself wondering

If this was for the better

Or for the worse.

I lost her so completely

When I took you as mine,

And at first I was fine with that,

But she was my best friend

Even though she was so unhealthy for us,

And losing her is harder than I thought.

I thought someday we would be friends again,

But now I've realized that won't happen.

I took you as mine,

I betrayed her trust,

I betrayed her in every way,

Because this is exactly what I said I would never do.

And yet I've done it.

I was so happy with you,

You are the only happiness I've ever known,

But is it really worth it to lose my honor?

Is it worth it to lose her too?

I gained one thing that I'd wanted to have,

But I lost several things I wanted to keep.

At first I didn't feel the regret,

But now I have to wonder

If I made the right choice.

Maybe I would have lost her anyway,

Maybe she would have stayed gone,

But I didn't have to betray her like that,

I didn't have to take you.

But if I hadn't, I would have lived in sorrow for a long time,

And is that worth keeping my promise to her?

She pulled me down and down into sorrow,

And you've brought me the only happiness I've ever known.

But that happiness comes at a high price.

People say that most things do,

But is this price too much for me to pay?

She was never good for us,

But maybe I'm not either.

I did everything I swore I'd never do,

And added insult to injury,

And I didn't even feel remorse for a while.

But I can't hide from what I've done,

I can't hide forever,

And now I can't hide at all.

Bound by my own tongue again,

I can't leave you for this,

And I'm not entirely sure I want to,

But I have to wonder,

Should I?


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