Who am I?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
Life will be the death of you

Submitted: July 01, 2015

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Submitted: July 01, 2015

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Here is a thought. Who I am?  What's to actually come?  All this was planned before time itself. I could destroy all I have right now. Everything, change my history all of a sudden. Speaking of destroying everything and changing my life randomly wouldn't even come close to being possible. My emotions would never let it happen. I am bound to what I do and what I will be doing later on cause no matter how random a decision I make, it is what it will be. If you make a decision and then change it all of a sudden to change what was going to happen to a different outcome does not mean you out smarted the course of your life. You are and will do what is supposed to happen because it was going to happen. It's already in the books for you. Say you had a thought, you did a action, you randomly skipped off to Alaska but guess what....you are where you are supposed to be. It will because you did it, yes. It is where you're supposed to be regardless how random or planned you made it. Sure, you have the choice to pick where you want your life to go. You believe it matters what you decided because you have all the freedom in the world to make any decision you want and sometimes those thoughts can be stressful. People feel so many emotions in life. With choices people make they can be hard or tedious but you deal with it. Why did you choose to be wealthy? Was it for your happiness and security, really? Does it make you wonder why we have to deal with the emotions we do and thoughts we have if you are destined for what is to come? We have the consciousness, we have the body, the feelings, the sickness, the decisions, and all that makes a human have a personality because it's what makes us people. It's why we live. To go through our story.. You will always have that heartbreak and those hard choices. Time passes to let what is waiting take place. BUT, You lived it. Say you wrote a book, everything that happened was planned by you. Describe everything that happens to the person in your story. At the beginning of this book you are introduced to a character. You don't know what's gonna happen next until you flip the page and continue. As you read you get to mentally experience this characters life. Their emotions and the unknown of what is to come would make their actions and what takes place around them seem meaningless if they didn't exsist. All their thoughts and who they are will make it worth continuing to know what happens next. The idea of life is living it. Take that as my explanation to the book that is your life. You live it. Life would only be an event and not your life without those thoughts and feelings. So you watch something happen to someone else, to you that is an event because you didn't live what that person just experienced. All the decisions and the feelings that go with the thoughts that person gets to experience for what is leading up to what's going to happen. It's played out for you but you don't know a single damn thing that will happen next and you have accepted that or maybe you haven't accepted it. Some people struggle more than others because the world turns upside down to them instead of going forward. But it's how they are supposed to live the life they were given. Maybe some have it in their life to come across a easier way to accept living and continue pushing. Maybe someone will read this and it changes their view on life. Hopefully, some people have it in their cards to understand and not just hear what I am saying. Some of those who struggle live at a steady pace until they pass on. Some have nothing to look foward to but living a life that gets worst and worst. I feel bad for them cause they can't do a damn thing about it. It's as if sometimes our "writers" are so bored they make a joke out of someone's life using fate against them before they were even thought of being born. I doubt the "writers" though. Maybe it's all kinda random and there are so many ways to live and so many things to happen to you that it's like a roll of dice before you come to exsist. Makes me think of grabbing a really shitty gun in the game Borderlands. You pick up a gun with a very shitty random combination of effects....This gun has a high recoil rate and it fires all bullets at once. That gun will shoot, it may even score you some kills but you're going to waste a whole clip in one shot and it's gonna spray straight up in the air because the recoil is awful. Imagine that gun with a extra bad property. View that as the people who have it worst than the people that already have it bad. A more enjoyable gun can be the same type and it only fires two bullets, low recoil, +1 ammo regeneration. The struggle is real but this gun is gonna get you through your mission easier. ANYWAYS, I guess that was a fun example.  The though of this could possibly help some people accept things that happen to them in their life a little easier if they can accept the view. With this theory,  for those who want to accept it, Things for them might go somewhat easier. Ever have this thought? "I could have done something to prevent this and that from happening if only I did this or that." Knowing that sentence can never be true should make anyone feel better, to start accepting and moving on. Stop thinking you can change that of which you have no control over. It happen, you know your decision was wrong, you don't know why the hell you did what you did, or you knew of a different option and could have fixed it all if you had went with the other choice. You are where you are, accept it. You can't change it, it's over. For people who have accepted life from this view point might can accept bad times a little easier and take wrong decisions with anger or sadness but still know inside that they really can't change something that's already happen because they made the wrong choice. It's about accepting your life and living what you are given. Knowing if it's really bad that maybe you can try a different view on what really happen. Maybe there is a reason. You should always keep in mind everything happens for a reason and sometimes things don't happen until you need it the most. Life will test you all the time but through living your life you will eventually pass any given test. Treat your body as the gift it is. Make those spontaneous choices, enjoy every moment you get when the life you are living allows you. Events that take place in your life shape you and your mindset for what is to come so think about that next time something takes place and stay strong. You gotta fix what you can fix, learn from what you do wrong, stop making those mistakes and better yourself. Emotions such as greed or temptation for example can make you aware of your wants and needs but non of which you work to get so it doesn't happen. Those thoughts and emotions are there to show you how much freedom you actually have. Take for example, I really want to be skinny but no matter how many thoughts I have about it or even the amount of times I have attempted to work at being skinny I stay the same. I never continue working at it or I lose a pound and gain a pound. After all these years, I have not been able to accomplish that goal. It's cause it hasn't happen yet, not for me at least. The want is there but it's apart of my thoughts and emotions and only if it actually happens would I know it was supposed to happen. I'll make myself work out, and eat right but before changes are made I stop or stuff comes up or I don't feel like it or I forget. Always a excuse to take place. That doesn't stop me from wanting it and trying when I do. Those thoughts you have are all you, they make up parts of who you are, what you want them to be. It's your free will. Dream big!!  You don't know where you are going so don't doubt anything you think. I have determination for all kinds of things in my life. Something will come up. Always. The life you're living will be the death of you. I can't do anything but love my life because I should. It could be worst.


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