The subway
Reads: 178 | Likes: 0 | Shelves: 0 | Comments: 4
Short Story by: Talique Metz
In the New York city subway, a young woman is seen on her phone, reading, wearing a lime green jacket with a name tag that said "Hi, I'm Noemi Vilasenor". She looks away from her phone to see a little two year old girl, named Naria, smiling at her across from her. Noemi smiles back. Next to Naria sat the her father, Jose, who was closing up the diaper bag. As Jose looks Naria, he sees her staring at Noemi.
"She likes you." Jose said smiling.
"Mhm." Noemi mumbled.
"Peanut." Jose said to his Naria. "Don't worry. We're almost there. After, we can get a treat." Naria smiles. "I'm thinking ice cream."
Naria giggles and makes jestures with her hands. Noemi sees this and smiles.
"Good idea."
"You taught her to sign?" Noemi asked.
"Yeah." Jose replied. "Just a handful of things."
Noemi watches Naria play with her hands. "What's she saying?"
"Nothing." Jose puts Naria's hands down. "I'm Jose."
"Noemi." Noemi sees Naria trying to speak to Jose. Naria makes a fist and puts it against her mouth. "Okay, what's she saying now?"
Jose sighs and rubs Naria's head. "Um, well. She thinks that... you and I should have dinner together."
"Ah." Noemi blushes. She looks at Naria as she smiles at her.
Naria looks at Jose and shakes his arm. Jose chuckles. "I don't know what this is."
The train stops at Grand Central Station and Noemi gets off. "Well, it's nice to meet you." She said.
"You too." Jose looks at Naria. "Nice try, my little crazy Peanut."
Jose sees a note where Noemi was sitting. He gets up and picks it up. The said "call me: 555-7643 -Noemi".
Jose smiles and stares at Naria. "Well played, Peanut. Well played indeed." Jose cuddles with his daughter as the train takes off.
© Copyright 2018 Talique Metz. All rights reserved.
Comments
This was sweet and like a slice of life, I really liked it. Have you ever considered continuing the story?
Author
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I've given thought to it, but I don't know where to go from there
Continue this. I love the characters, I love the concept, I love the story. Beautifully written in such a short span of writing and just magical... ugh. Naria interests me. Maybe do something with her character? Like an elderly Naria who tells her grandchildren the story of how her 'parents' met (seeing as Noemi wasn't the birth mother, how her and Jose met. this could work well as the first chapter to a longer novel for that). I can't tell you enough how much I liked this. Please write more. I'll be reading what else you have soon enough for sure!
Author
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This was supposed to be like a short story, but I'll see what can do. I'm glad you love it. Thanks for reading and I'll be sure to update you on new content in the future
Naria is a little match maker. Playing cupid. Very cute!
Author
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Thanks for reading
Such a sweet story. I really like how Naria signs through the story, instead of talking. It forces Jose and Noemi to speak to each other, therefore making a tenuous connection, and it gives Naria an endearing innocence.
Author
Reply
Thanks for reading
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