Sunset of the Heart

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
A story of a woman , who is looking back at her life ....

Submitted: June 24, 2014

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Submitted: June 24, 2014

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The sky was an awful grey color. It seemed like the sky was feeling what she had in heart a dark shadow, a sadness that was indescribable. Nadia sat outside the house she had lived in for 85 years on and off. Now that she was losing her memory it seemed like it was only a few days ago when she would play in that same garden.

As a young girl she would pick up little rocks and throw them across the garden acting like they were shooting stars. All of a sudden there were tears in her eyes she started to  laugh thinking of all those  memories and dreams she had all those years ago or maybe she was crying the thought of all those dreams gone, a life wasted or the loneliness she felt .What happened? She asked herself what went wrong. Was it her own wrong decisions, or was it something called fate? Or was it God? But could God who created her be so unreasonable, she didn’t think so.

 She was born in the lap of riches, had maids to do everything for her she was beautiful, she could buy anything her heart desired .Nadia remembered her father who always smiled and treated her like a princess. She could see her dad walking with her in the garden talking, laughing.

“I am really losing my mind , how can I see Papa ", she said out loud. But the vision was so clear it startled her. She laid her head back on the back of the garden chair with her legs extended in front of her. And fell back into the world of memories....
 

 At that moment the emptiness and loneliness in her heart felt like a time bomb waiting to explode. Why did she feel so empty? What was it her heart yearned for?. All these thoughts made her tired and cold she decided to go inside and sleep.

The next time she opened her eyes she felt weird, different .The room wasn’t hers it was a white room with a few flowers on the table. She tried to get up but her head was so heavy, it felt like a metal bar was holding her head down. Yet she felt no pain at all. Instinctively she tried to raise her hand to her forehead but the same feeling. Was she dead? No if she was dead she would be in a coffin not in a white room. Was she paralyzed? Just as she was thinking a lady walked in, someone who looked familiar but she couldn’t exactly remember. Nadia tried to say something but her tongue froze. What was happening to her?

Just then her son walked in and asked the lady “Is she still in a coma, any progress?” At that moment she realized that she was in a coma, she tried to get the attention of the people in the room by using all her strength to scream but to no avail. All of a sudden she felt very tired and fell into the deep darkness of peaceful slumber.

She woke up after what seemed like eternity. She was still in the hospital. Her son was sitting next to her holding her hand and talking to her” I’m sorry mom, I don’t know if you can hear me or not but I want to tell you I’m sorry, very sorry for always resenting you, for blaming you for everything that went wrong in my life” and started sobbing uncontrollably .  Nadia thought wow  the  son the one who actually tried to kill me is now crying for me.

That thought brought her back to the day when Kamal was 16 and came home and ran into his room. She had a feeling something wasn’t right so she went after him and without knocking on his room door walked in. To her horror Kamal was holding a gun in his hand” Mom go away ill kill you” he had screamed “I hate you for giving birth to me and I hate dad for treating us the way he does and if I kill both of us we will be able to get away from this hell” she had screamed " No Kamal please give me the gun and we will talk about this". He was just about to shoot her when she ran to him and grabbed his hand and turned it towards the ceiling and the bullet went straight up

After that incident she had distanced herself even more from Kamal. It was easier that way. She had loved his dad with all her heart and what did he had only given her grief and heartache. So it was just easier to keep her feelings to herself and act like robot that way no one would expect anything from her and she wouldn't either. But living all alone for so long now made her believe her decision was wrong maybe if she had showed her love for her son maybe things would have been different. Nadia had tried but she just couldn’t show how much she loved her son,  maybe because he was the son of the man who had hurt her so much. At that moment Kamal got up and left the room. He was 62 now single and childless and as lonely as she was.

 

Just then she woke up by the sound of someone sobbing. She couldn’t move her head or open her eyes so she just had to try to recognize the voice. It took her a few moments ……..it was her sister who was younger than her in many years but was more mature. She was saying

” Im sorry Nadia for your sickness but im also sorry for your life. You had an apparently healthy life but I know how unhealthy and sad your heart was from inside” she begin to sob again and Nadia said in her mind “But you never tried to help me or ease my pain”

Just then her sister started again” Let go Nadia leave this world of pain and misery maybe the life after this will give you all you wanted stop holding on. I know God will give you rewards for your sufferings on earth” she rose and left the room.

How weird thought Nadia, what did she want? Her thoughts started to wander yes she wanted to be smart and beautiful, she wanted a handsome husband, but most of all she wanted to be happy. Yes she had happy times in her life. Her birthdays as a young child, the nights when their mother would tell all the children stories , also her graduation day maybe even the first year of her marriage. Her graduation day was the only day in her life when she held her head up high in pride of her achievement. After that she did everything either for her parents and then for her husband. After him it was all about Kamal.

So come to think of it she had been in a coma the whole of her life. She could never express what she wanted or desired. She had lived like a robot saying yes to everyone but her heart.

COMA what did the word mean? A prolonged state of unconsciousness, but wasn’t that the story of her life. As a walking, talking person in a coma no one had sympathy for her but now that she was on her deathbed in a physical coma everyone cared. The thought made her laugh. It’s now time to leave she heard this voice in her head her heart felt light and she felt a presence close to her slowly she felt warmth all over her body and a beautiful light flashed in her eyes.

She felt love, she felt her hear beat really fast and then it started to beat slower and slower” Yes this is my end, This is my God .this is so much better than life, so all this time it was my creator I wanted to be close to his presence his light his warmth and now in death I finally found it” with this lovely thought in her heart and mind she slowly slipped away to where she came from leaving behind the hatred, misery, jealousy and negativity that her life was about.

 


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