Looking through the looking glass

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
The title say it all

Submitted: August 16, 2012

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Submitted: August 16, 2012

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I never say I was sad ... But looking back I guess I was wrong

I was sad little child then

How couldn't I be? My life was like a horro story cam alive every day was a test to see if I will survive ..

..mostly..

Because every day I think about taking my life..

You most understand I hated my life .. I hated how weak I was I hated how forgiving I was I hated how I how I accepted things I hated how the pain I feel I hated how the feeling controlled my whole life

Making me into something I was not

..cold hearted..

I lost all sense of my emoution .. my humanilty I stop caring .. I stop feeling .. I stop ... being me

My true self

Which nothing couldn't bring me down I was happy little girl .. no matter how much I got beated .. scream at .. made fun of .. or anything

Nothing couldn't bring me down .. because I always believe in a tomorrow and how people could change

Haha how did I change so much I wonder..

But as I sat here typing I realize how couldn't I change so much

As age 8 I realize how to cool my anger down.. How to control my emoution

By cutting myself .. By causing myself pain .. By taking pills .. By burning myself.. By stabbing my self ..

I done all this to stay sane .. but I guess I also done all this to punish my self

How dare me get my grandma angry How dare me think that I can do anything How dare me being happy

I punish my self that how I was taught you do something bad like pee in the bed you get punish .. and I most punish myself

But when I stop after making a promise myself because I thought I was in love back then .. I begin to feel once again.. .. and the feeling I felt was saddness and anger

(Sigh) I don't want go through this .. I happy now and that all that matter

It been almost 3 month that I have no cause harm to myself physically and I proud to say that I am happy and know now how to control my emoution.

So thanks for coming with me through the looking glass ... I am in love again but maybe this time it will last longer and if not so what then I will be hurt but I still will live on .. we all need a little emoution in our life and it time for me to think that the sign of emoution is not a sign of weakness..


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