Word Positioning Consideration for Anna Therese

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is a critique for Anna Therese concerning the arrangement of the words in her poem "Tidal Songs".

Submitted: July 03, 2008

A A A | A A A

Submitted: July 03, 2008

A A A

A A A


A girl walked
down St Kilda beach
 
her eyes drifted
soft dreamy blue
like the summer sky
her hair shimmered
whispering silvery gold
like the shifting sand
and her smile warm and sunny
melted over passers by
like sweet, silken honey
 
A boy walked
up St Kilda beach
 
his eyes shone bright
dancing green
like the wild ocean
his hair tossed
in brown waves
bold with sea spray
and his laugh proud and young
spilled over passers by
like the bright and breezy sun
 
A girl met a boy
on St Kilda beach
 
the dreamy blue sky
merged
with the wild
green ocean
and locked arms
 
Two girls, three boys
a mother in child
a father with watchful eyes
walked along St Kilda beach
 
their eyes swum
dancing blues and greens
like the sun and sky
reflected water
their hair flowed and glowed
with cheeky light
and delicate shade
sunlit children’s laughter
echoed together melodies
and the woman’s eyes met
the man’s eyes
in peaceful harmony
 
A large, extended family
shared a picnic
upon St Kilda beach
 
children, grand children, great grand children
pulled towards them
(aware of the nearness
of the tide
tickling their toes
yet always
drifting back)
 
their beloved “Ma” and “Pa”
frail and old now
eyes dimmed
gentle and serene
like the aquamarine water
on a windless day
hair faded silver white
like the quiet sands
and smiles and laughs
wavering, hushed
but still reverberating
precious enduring memories
 
A man walked one last time
up St Kilda beach
searching for eyes
dreamy blue
for hair
whispering gold
and her smile
warm and sunny
melted over his aching heart
like sweet, silken honey.
 


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