You're everything to me....always have been

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
What I think about when I think about us.

Submitted: December 09, 2012

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Submitted: December 09, 2012

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....Where do I even begin? From the beginning? sure.

We met over a year ago....it feels like I've known you for much longer than that though.

We had this instant connection, there is a lure about you that left me wanting to see you again...and after that first night we never left each others side.

I've never had such a strong "want" for a person....I fell for you fast and hard.

We talked as if we would just enjoy each other until you left and then go our seperate ways....its almost funny to think we even considered that a possibility.

I always knew in my heart that I'd wait for you, even if you didn't want me to.

I missed you more than I've missed anything or anyone in my entire life. I felt incomplete and lost without having you by my side when I woke up and holding me while I slept.

There were some nights I couldn't even sleep in my room because it was too sad, I would sleep on the couch instead. And almost every night I wrote you a good night text or facebook message because I couldnt sleep without talking to you. Even though I knew you couldn't read them, writing to you or about you made me feel closer to you because I knew that at that moment you were thinking about me too. I knew you missed me, I knew you loved me. I could see it in your eyes before you left.

I waited for you, stayed true and wrote you every day, looked forward to your 10 minute phone calls every week, the best part of my sunday was hearing your voice.

In those few minutes, all the pain of missing you was worth it because it reminded me what I was waiting for, you. Everything I went through was for you and I know you went through so much more, you endured so much more than I did. I will always respect you for what you do. I can't say I know exactly what you've gone through but I can say that I know you are strong and that it's been hard but you've impressed me a lot.

And These past months in between basic and now...a lot of shit has happened between us. At first I was just simply angry with you. I felt as if you had given up on us, but these recent couple months, especially these recent weeks I've come to accept and realized some things.

You never wanted or meant to hurt me, and every decision you made about us hurt you too. You only wanted the best for both of us, you were protecting me, or at least trying to. I know why you did what you did...I understand now. You went through major life changes and thought that was the right thing to do.

I regret the way I treated you when you tried to fix things between us...but at the same time, everything happened for a reason, I wasn't ready, I hadn't forgiven you yet, and I was angry. Very angry. And did not trust you at all. My feelings were never gone..I just didn't want you to know they were there and I was too upset to show them.

I had forced myself to change my mindset....before you broke up with me that last time I honestly thought we were going to go through with all our plans. and then I had to make plans with only me myself and I in the future....it was hard but I managed to kind of be ok...and as soon as i was ok you came back....I was just mad.

and I tried to keep you from hurting me again, I thought you just wanted me back as a temporary lonely phase. I went into full protection mode...appeared as a whole nother person to you, someone you probably thought I could never be.

And I tried to set my focus on other people, attempted to date again....and as fucked up as it was, Im glad I did because it made me realized how stupid I was being.

I spent sooo long missing you and wanting you, remembering everything we had and instead of forgiving you and jumping at the chance to fix things, I was too busy being angry with you....and I wasted time with some girl that didn't even matter. All that time did was make me break down, I broke myself down and finally saw that I belong with you and only you. I can't be with anyone else and I dont want to be with anyone else ever.

you are everything to me,

my future.....my life.....I am yours and you are mine, you have all of me Chris. You've had me from the beginning.

We have been through so much together, and the time apart we have grown into better people. I needed to see how sincere you were and snap out of my denial and anger, and you needed to see that we are better together.

One day we will look back and be able to tell our kids about our dramatic, passionate romance and struggles in our relationship. We will be able to say we made it out alive, we made it out together.....that is a day I look forward to....I can't wait to marry you, announce to the whole world that you are mine forever. That is all I want.

A life of happiness, spent with you.

It's always going to be with you.

 


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