His Music is my Poison
I always felt I did not live life to my true meaning; thus, I was a seed in a damp, dark earth that cover my body and to afraid to bloom. Thus, the world was the flowers that stood so confidently and their eyes face the sun. I felt alone as I was a little ole’ country girl from North Carolina; thus, I have been here all my life and never seen the outside of these southern walls. My days were a routine, home and school however, nothing in between. I was not the most outgoing student but the girl who walk the hallways alone. One friend I did have move away; thus, my brown eyes could not see.
My only friend is my writing; thus, a friend that is dear to my heart. My writing is a friend that has a shoulder that I can cry on and can share all my struggles and fears to. Thus, my writing will never abandon but stay by my side. One feature I hatred about myself was my shyness. My shyness covers my body like a disease and through my writing I could tell what I was really feeling; thus, I was unable to say with my mouth. With the help of my pen I could create a conversation with my paper; thus, my writing was a passion of mine; however, I wanted more.
I wanted to see the world; thus, I wanted to taste, hear, smell but most of all have a life in the world. No longer did I went to spend my hours alone in my school’s tiny library reading a book that was alternative to my unhappiness; however, I wanted what my peers had…a life. I wanted to be social and to have a connection with my peers. I wanted to have meaningful friendships and to have the high school image, which I never achieved. The memories that my peers will cherish will be a dream to me, which will fade as time goes on.
Graduation day I walked across the enormous, blank stage and all eyes were on me, which once never seem to notice. I received my diploma; thus, a simple piece of paper was the gateway out of my misery. I was about to start a new chapter and was accepted to a local college. I was going to major in writing and maybe college will be different. I even landed me a part-time job at the local coffee shop; thus, the shop seems to have a nice crowd there. As I thought about my new journey a smile began to form.
Couple weeks into the job and I loved it; thus, it was not rocket science and anyone could learn. I finally managed to make a new friend and Ava was her name. Ava work at the coffee shop and was in my English class; thus, she was my twin and I could not believe we had so much in common. I could tell her anything and she would just listen and never judge.
I even had a secret admirer; thus, he was not a secret. He was handsome and extremely tall about 6’4 I guess. His skin was white as snow; however red bumps that glow on the surface. His hair was blonde as the sun and cut low; however, his hair looked so soft like a pillow I lay my head to rest. He was build, broad shoulders; thus, a size of a linebacker. When he smiles, his smile melted me away. First time I saw him; thus, I had an attraction towards him. He was looker through my eyes. He looked at me through his olive, colored eyes that could of burn a hole through my delicate, caramel skin. Thus, when I made his Frappuccino I forgot to put the lid on the blender and all the mixture ended up everywhere but in the cup. I never had been so embarrassment.
He came in the coffee shop everyday, right about closing. Thus, he pretended to study his music however, I know in the corner of my eyes his eyes were fixated on me. When I looked his way, he would turn away and go back to his pretend studying. We play this game for quite a while until one day he gain the courage to approach me and ask me out on a date. It was the sweetest moment I ever experienced; thus, it was Friday night and the shop was about to close. I was cleaning the tables and I saw my admirer get ready to leave.
I flash him a smile and he smile back; thus, he started to walk my way. I started to become nervous and wanted to run; however I was excited. He stood in front of me and had a huge smile that me feel so much calmer than before. He told me his name and I did the same; thus, he asked if I wanted to hear one of his songs he had just finished writing. Of course I said yes and he told me the name of the title, “Beautiful,” and the words made me feel special and woke my lonely heart. Thus, this stranger could come into my world and create a feeling I never felt before. Finally after the performance, he told me that I was beautiful and that he could not go another day and not asked me out.
Our first date turn into a year together; thus, I would never imagined I would have been with someone that long. He and I first date was to see a local band and then we had coffee at the shop where our meet all started. Each day grew stronger and he became my best friend; thus, he took the place of my writing. His music was joy to my ears; thus, he play was such emotions, which escape through his soul. He was a bit older than I and was an inspiring musician; thus, he always said his guitar is his heart and he played it to keep him alive.
Brad Day was a true player and he found his true song. I fell in love with him and I could not see myself without him. Brad was a man that I could tell anything to and a word would never leave his mouth. I felt safe when I was around him; thus, he was my soldier and my struggles was war and when I became weak and could not go on any longer; thus, he was there. He loved me for me and did not care about the way I dress; however, appreciated my curves that define me so well. When a person with that many qualities adored me, for I finally felt like I was the seed that was beginning to grow.
My story is not the reflection I imagine but the mirror that shattered into a trillion pieces. Brad stop being my dream guy that brought joy into my world; however, he gave me a dose of unhappiness. Many days I sat alone or I would go out with Ava and all I could think about was Brad. When I did see him; thus, he was a figure who split out harsh words; thus, like a knife that cuts through bread. He was mean and his new normal hurt so much; thus, many times his mouth lingered with alcohol and I wanted to leave; however, I was stuck. I was weak and needed a man to be around, because I been so lonely for so long. The other part is that I loved him and he was my first love. It is hard to find a man that seemed to have it all.
A day I will never forget I came home after finals. My mother was at work and I went to kitchen to fix me something to eat and out of the corner of my eye I spotted a letter on the counter and my name plastered on the front.
I picked the letter up and started to read:
I know I have been a jerk; thus, my drinking and the failure of my music career have taken a toll on my life. I did not mean to hurt you and I love you so much my darling. I wanted to be a better boyfriend; however, I did not know how too. We have been together for a while and my love for you will never change. I need to discover myself; thus, I sorry, however, I have to leave and find my dream. I hope you find a better man, whom will love you and bring you joy in your life. For as you brought so much joy to mine.
I rip the letter; thus, it was lies. Brad does not love me because if he did he would be here. What a coward as I thought to myself; thus, he is selfish and cares more about his career than me. I started to cry and fell to the ground as my tears were the rain and the pain roam my body was the thunder. I really loved Brad and his music made me feel so special and it woke my heart; thus, now it tears my heart open and steals my joy. I tried calling his phone; thus, he never pick up. I swear his music is my poison.
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