He leaned forward over the desk to mess with his phone. Totally unaware that the closeness was shifting my heart into four wheel drive. My checks flooded with heat that I felt all the way down to
my toes. I forgot
how to breathe. My second thought was to immediately pull away. But it didn’t
matter because my first thought and gut reaction was to lean into him or touch
him somehow. Being that close to him and not touching him was killing me. I
can’t believe he still affects me so much. I thought I was over him. It has
been a year and a half since the last time I saw him and I don’t remember him
ever making me feel this way before. At least not this intensely. I looked at
him secretly while he text someone on his phone. Probably his girlfriend. Whydidn’t that bother me?
He looked up from his phone and caught me looking. I looked down and tried to hide behind
my hair. Lame. I had never been shy around him before. I could feel his eyes
burning holes into me as he watched me. I concentrated on looking anywhere exceptat him.
Could he see how much he was affecting me? Was I hiding any of the turmoil going on
inside me or was everything displayed clearly on my face? Could he tell that
I’d do anything to touch him? To kiss him? I would kill for him to tell me it
was okay. That my feelings didn’t make me crazy because he felt it to. But ofcourse that didn’t happen.
I remembered that my body needed oxygen to function and took a deep breath. I
looked up at him with every attention of telling him that despite how many
times I had told my self differently, I still needed him. But when I looked in
his eyes I saw the lazy mischief lingering like gold flecks in a sea of green.
I remembered suddenly walking in the hall and seeing him holding another girl.
His girlfriend. Had I almost lost at my own game? When the hell did he learn toplay?
It was unfair that he got close enough to drive me crazy knowing he has a girlfriend.
I wanted to get up and move to a different table. I knew it was what I should
do but I subjected myself to torture. I tried to be mad at him. But then the
easy smile that I loved so much surfaced on his face. That was the last straw.
I leaned in closer. I tell myself now that I wasn’t going to kiss him that I
was just getting closer. But that’s a lie. I had every attention of kissing
him. This boy with red hair and green eyes that had a girlfriend who I didn’t
even know. But I was saved by the bell. Literally, at the sound of the bell I
turned on my heels and rushed into the hall way with out saying another word
not bothering to explain myself. I clasped in my desk of my only class with asigh of relief.
I tried to remind myself that I knew first hand the game he was playing. If he hurt her he wouldn’t think twiceabout hurting me. Plus I didn’t even like him. ………..Right?
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