We Are All Idiots

Reads: 507  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 1

More Details
Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is a humorous piece that does deal with a serious issue in life in which a gay boy attempts to do stunts in order to get accepted in society while, at the same time, his best friend's parents deal with the reality of their son being best friends with a gay person.

Submitted: May 28, 2014

A A A | A A A

Submitted: May 28, 2014

A A A

A A A


We Are All Idiots

Right now I’m worrying myself to death as Trevor and Mike dare Angel, my best friend, to drive one of his mom’s cars at night for one mile while completely blindfolded. His real name is Taylor but he renamed himself Angel since he idolizes Criss Angel, the magician. Angel may not sound like a guy’s name, but Angel is gay anyways. His biggest flaw is his egotistical hobby of performing stunts. He hopes these stunts will make people like and accept him again.

Anyways, a week ago, Angel showed the three of us a clip of Criss Angel driving on the streets blindfolded, and Angel boasted that he could do it too. Out of his ten stunts, none have been successful.

“Angel,” I say to him as I brace myself for the worst, “you don’t have to do this.”

“Don’t worry Josh,” says Angel as he buckles his seat-belt and ties a blindfold to his eyes. “I’ll be fine and so will you. Besides, I’m a professional. No sweat!”

In order for the stunt to work, I have to be in the car with him. He says his mind will use my eyes to guide him. I don’t know what the hell I’m thinking, but I get into the car with him and off we go. I turn on the camcorder on my phone while praying at the same time.

The stunt is going well until he runs a red light after a half-mile. I try to tell him about the truck that is coming on his side but he hushes me. I brace myself. He doesn’t.

Angel’s stunt record now: 0-11.

***

It’s a miracle the truck was able to slow down before colliding with Angel’s car. The good news is I don’t have to stay at the hospital for long because I didn’t suffer any injuries from the accident since I was prepared. Unfortunately, Angel has to stay overnight. He’s suffering from a minor torn ligament and sprained shoulder. The thing that freaks me out about Angel is his ability to recover quickly from injuries. So, I’m not surprised he’s able to leave the hospital only three days after the accident. He claims he feels completely better, but I’m not buying it.

As I’m walking him home, he abruptly breaks the silence.

“Josh, I want to do the ultimate stunt.”

“Angel, you shouldn’t-”

“I’m gonna jump over a live-moving car. Something safe and easy.”

“Safe and easy? You’ve lost your mind. That’s not safe and easy. That can fuckin’ kill you.”

Angel doesn’t give a rat’s ass. To him, his stunt record is perfect. He jabbers on and on, and eventually I zone him out. He has to be bull-shitting.

***

I’ve known Angel for eight years now. Before third grade started, he became my first friend not too long after my parents and I moved to Harvest Grove. While I was outside tossing a baseball in the air by myself, Angel randomly walked by and gave me a unique stare. He didn’t look all that different from the way he looks now. He had this awesome gold hair that went down to his shoulders, and he was incredibly skinny. I feared the wind would blow him away since he was so freaken thin. What stood out the most at the moment was his warm and carefree smile. At that moment, I knew we’d be best friends. I had never seen anyone else smile at me the way Angel had.

It wasn’t until middle school that Angel talked to me about possibly being gay. I had noticed signs of this change a few months before. He would typically stare at a few of our male classmates for no reason at all, and it took him a while to realize what he was doing. Also, whenever we watched movies, there was an unusual twinkle in his eyes whenever an attractive male actor was shown. I don’t know how else to describe it, but I could obviously notice something was up. Despite this, nothing changed between us.

When some jackass found out about Angel being gay, he spread the news throughout school as if being gay was some sort of disease. In a matter of weeks, Angel and I noticed a drastic decline in the amount of friends he had. Pretty soon, he barely had any friends at all. Yet, Angel continued to be his positive self. He had some master plan boiling up in his mind to make people accept him. His master plan: stunts.

I thought he was joking at first, but he gave me his serious smile. For the first time ever, I thought Angel was a complete idiot. I never called him that because I just couldn’t. He was my best friend and I stood by his decision.

***

 My parents haven’t liked Angel for three years now. It’s more because of his homosexuality than his hobby of doing stunts. I’m not gay but my parents think Angel will influence me to be his boyfriend or some crap like that. I still remember the day my parents found out about Angel being gay. My relationship between me and my parents, especially my dad, has not been the same since. Hell, I can’t remember the last time we had a decent or heart-felt conversation. Things between me and Dad have been tense throughout the past three years.

A few weeks ago, Mom tried to ease the tension between me and Dad by making an announcement to me.

“Josh, your dad is having an important banquet at his police station. We all need to be there.”

Mom is making me go to this banquet because Dad is supposed to receive this highly decorated award. I have to be there because the award recipient needs a family member to present it to him. Dad already volunteered me without my permission. Maybe he thought this would prove my manhood since his friends at the station think I’m a queer.

“I don’t think imma go,” I said.

“Nonsense,” said Mom. “You’re going. Your Dad has already chosen you. Imagine how humiliating it will be if you don’t show up.”

I asked if someone else could do it. Apparently, no one else can but me. But whatever, no big deal. I wasn’t in the mood to argue.

***

I’m still in denial about Angel going through with his car-jumping stunt. This stunt has to be the craziest out of all his stunts, even crazier than most of his earlier ones.

For his first stunt, Angel attempted to walk through twelve feet of thumbtacks with his bare feet. After taking four steps, he somehow lost his footing and fell on his back. In his next stunt, he tried to levitate in mid-air. After five minutes of nothing happening, I thought he was taking a dump in his pants based on his squinting facial expression. He was seriously looking constipated. His third stunt ended with him getting stuck in the middle of a fireplace chimney. I don’t know how the hell our friends and I got Angel out of there, but we all learned that only Santa Clause can perform such a biblical stunt.

One of the craziest stunts he attempted was his fourth stunt. At this point, Angel showed me dozens of Criss Angel’s stunts and I figured there were some stunts Angel wouldn’t dare attempt, but I was wrong. One day, Angel dragged me to Barrett Park. He said he had a huge surprise for me and it was gonna be the best thing I’ve ever seen.

When we arrived at the park, there were about a dozen random people from school waiting on us. What freaked me out was a girl about five years older than us with her face down but, at the same time, abnormally had her eyes staring intensely at Angel. She was wearing a pitch-black trench coat while holding a box of matches. I thought she was either drunk or was suffering from years of excessive drug-use.

“Angel,” I said to him in fear, “what the hell is going on?!?”

“Don’t worry,” said Angel. “She’s only gonna burn me alive for a few minutes.”

“You shittin’ me? What is that demon sorceress gonna do?”

“Burn me alive.”

 Lord, I couldn’t believe what was going on. He said this as if this was typically normal. This was the first stunt Criss Angel did in the clips Angel has shown me and it was the number one stunt I thought Angel would never attempt. This had to be some sort of joke.

“Angel, come on. You can’t just waltz your way into getting set on fire for a few minutes. Stop fooling around.”

“Don’t worry Joshie boy. Criss Angel did this and came out okay and so will I. Besides, I’m a professional. No sweat.”

“No sweat?” I said as I directed my attention to the dope-headed sorceress holding the matches. “Why’d you even agree to do this?”

“I don’t know,” said the girl monotonously. “It looked cool on TV, so why not?”

This was unbelievable. I tried to talk Angel out of doing the stunt but to no avail. Before I knew it, the damn girl lit some matches and lit the bottom of Angel’s pants. Of course, this stunt became a disaster a minute later when Angel huffed and puffed and attempted to blow the fire out. While Angel pranced around like a hyperactive Indian, the people from school laughed their asses off while the sorceress from Hell continued to stand there frozen without emotion. After I helped Angel extinguish the fire, the spectators yelled derogatory words at Angel while they left the park.

I could tell Angel was a little upset at his failure, but as usual, his positive facial expression didn’t show it. He just shrugged it off and moved on. Here was his chance to possibly be popular for performing the impossible, but in the end, he couldn’t take the heat. Angel would still be known as the gay guy who no one wants to be around. I never forgave myself for not stopping the stunt. I could’ve saved Angel from being humiliated but, like Angel, I failed. Together, we failed.

***

It’s a week before the banquet, but Angel brings me to his room to tell me his exciting news.

“My stunt is gonna be next Friday night at 7:30 behind the old Food Depot. You’ll be there, right?”

“Next Friday? That’s the day I gotta go to my Dad’s stupid banquet to present this stupid award to him.”

“No no no! That ain’t gonna work Joshie boy. I’m not changing this date. Don’t want people to think I’m scared or anything.”

Apparently, a lot of people in our Junior class are going to watch the stunt. They just can’t resist seeing an idiot get his body butchered in half by a moving car.

“Angel, I can’t.”

“No, you can and you will. So you’d rather go present an award to the person who’s been talking shit ‘bout me for three years? That’s messed up sweetie.”

I can’t hold it in any longer. I have to tell him the truth.

“Angel…you can’t do this stunt. It won’t work.”

“Joshie, I AM going to do this. Besides, I’m a profess…”

“You’re not a professional! You’re a stupid idiot who can’t do a damn stunt. What have you got to prove? Everyone doesn’t accept who you are, and they sure as hell won’t accept you if you go through with this stunt. They don’t and they won’t give a shit about you. Listen to me: If you do this, you’ll die.”

A part of me feels like I shouldn’t have told him the whole truth. For the first time, he isn’t smiling at me. He’s showing actual remorse and anger at me.

“Oh,” he said, “is that all I am to you? Well fuck you Josh! Get outta my face!”

“Angel, let me explai-”

“Leave! You’re a traitor, just like the rest of them.”

I can’t believe Angel is doing this to me. With my head tucked down in shame, I listen to Angel and leave his room.

The truth hurts, but betrayal hurts more.

***

I’ll never forget the day of Angel’s fifth stunt. It continuously haunts my dreams and hurts me whenever I think about it. What happened that day is the reason I hate my parents.

That evening, Angel and I were walking to my house after his fifth failed stunt. I don’t care what mind trick Criss Angel did when he walked on water, but as far as I know, Jesus is the only one who can do such a thing. Unfortunately, Angel proved my point by humiliating himself. Some of the kids from school were about to give up on seeing Angel’s stunts, especially after this disaster.

Anyways, when we got to my house, my parents were sitting in the living-room watching TV.

“Hey Mr. and Mrs. Evans,” said Angel.

Oddly, my parents turned around with frustrated looks on their faces. They weren’t staring at me. Instead, their attention was towards Angel.

“Okay,” I said, trying to divert their attention to me, “I swear I didn’t do anything this time. I have no bad grades to hide.”

Again, all they did was stare at Angel. If I didn’t know my parents, then I would’ve thought they were about to stab Angel to death. Neither Angel nor I knew what was going on.

“Hello?” I said. “What’s wrong with y’all?”

“Josh,” said Dad as he stood up pointing at Angel, “he needs to go home this instant.”

“What? Go home? He just got here.”

“I won’t say it again. He needs to go now or I’ll force him out.”

Angel was looking terrified. Never before were my parents showing this much hostility and animosity towards Angel. They’d always been nice to him, but this time was totally different.

“I’m sorry,” said Angel, “is there a problem?”

“You damn right there’s a problem!” yelled Dad.

“Dad, this is uncalled for,” I said. “What’s wrong with you?”

“With me? No no no. What I wanna know is what’s wrong with him!”

Dad was still pointing his boiling finger at Angel. His face was turning demon-red. He was absolutely furious.

“Me?” said Angel. “Nothing’s wrong to me sir.”

“Liar! We don’t want your kind in this house. For the last time, get out.”

I couldn’t believe what was happening. They must’ve found out about Angel being gay. I never knew Dad had this dark side to him.

“Mom,” I said as her pale face began to look down, “do something. Dad’s out of control. Go on, tell Angel he can stay.”

Mom never lifted her face up. All she did was stare straight down, looking disappointed and disgusted.

“Mom! Dammit mom, tell him!”

That finally got her attention. With her same expression, she looked at me, then at Angel.

“Angel, I’m sorry, but you must go. We can’t have you here anymore.”

Hearing that from Mom hurt Angel the most. She’d always liked and cared deeply for Angel. But now, things have changed. Angel was about to break down in tears.

“You heard us,” said Dad. “Go on. What you waiting for? You’re not gonna turn my son into a fag the same way you turned yourself into one.”

“But Mr. Evans…”

“For the last fucking time! Get your faggot ass out this house or I’ll throw you out!”

Angel instantly turned around and ran towards the front door. My life was shattering before my eyes. I tried to catch up to Angel, but when I got to the door, there he stood with his back towards me.

“Angel, please. You shouldn’t leave.”

Before I could say anything else, he shoved his right arm towards me. He slightly turned his face around, revealing tears streaming down his face but with a smile.

“Ah, don’t worry about it Joshie boy. This isn’t the first time I’ve been rejected like this. I’ll be fine. Besides, it comes with the territory…I’ll see ya tomorrow at school.”

I watched him walk away until I couldn’t see him anymore. I felt pathetic just standing there while my best friend had been rejected and humiliated by my own parents.

***

Ever since the day my parents kicked Angel out the house, things haven’t been the same between me and my parents. I’ve been getting frustrated with my parents asking the same damn question about whether I’m still hanging out with Angel or not. I lie and tell them no, but they never believe me. I don’t care though because my parents are dead to me.

The same goes for all the friends I’ve lost since I continued to hang around Angel. Before I started my Junior year in high school, I was down to about five friends. No one wanted to be around a person who had a gay guy as his best friend.

I also lost a few friends from either sticking up for Angel whenever people made fun of him or by choosing to hang out with him over most of my other former friends. No one understood why I bothered sticking with him. I gave everyone the same simple reason: he was my first friend.

But, there’s just more to it. I can’t quite explain it, but there’s something about Angel that makes me stay by his side. Maybe it’s the way he always attempts to stay positive even through all the crap he goes through. Or maybe it’s his ‘never give up’ attitude. Or maybe it’s the heart-warming smile he gives me all the time…

Whatever it is, I promised myself that I would never abandon Angel. He’s always been there for me, and I will always be there for him.

***

I never missed any of Angel’s stunts in the past, but this will be the first.

This could be the last he’ll ever do.

Angel is counting on me to come to his ground-breaking stunt tonight, but my parents are counting on me to present an award to my Dad. I really don’t wanna go to the banquet, but now I have no other choice since I broke the truth to Angel last week. We haven’t seen each other since he kicked me out of his room. At this point, he probably doesn’t want to have anything to do with me. Yet, am I really gonna let him go through with this stunt by himself?

While I’m finishing getting dressed for the banquet, I begin to regret abandoning Angel. My parents seem to notice a problem when I walk into the living-room where they are waiting for me.

“What’s wrong?” said Mom. “You shouldn’t be looking so down. You should be proud. It’s not everyday you get the chance to honor your Dad.”

“Nothin,” I said with my head down.

“Nothin?” said Dad. “You look disturbed.”

“I’m not disturbed. Nothing’s wrong with me, so don’t worry about it.”

The thing I hate about my parents is they can see through my bullshit all the time.

“You don’t want to go, do you?” said Mom. “You must have other plans. Probably with that gay boy.”

“He has a name.”

“Boy,” said Dad. “You listen here: I want you to have nothing to do with that faggot.”

“Don’t you dare call Angel that.”

“He is a damn fag-”

“Shut up!”

I don’t know where all this anger is coming from. Never before have I defended Angel so strongly, so passionately, and so lovingly.

“Josh,” said Mom as she stands up from her chair, “don’t you ever tell me or your Dad to shut up again. You better show some respect to us in this house.”

“Respect?” I said in amazement. “Respect? Really Mom? Y’all expect me to respect y’all but neither of you can respect the way Angel is. What makes him so different from everyone else? So what if he likes other guys? Big fuckin’ deal.”

“Joshua James Evans,” said Dad in anger as he bulldozes toward me, “you better calm yourself down. I will not take this sort of tone in this house. You understand me?”

“Neither of y’all have answered my question.”

Now Dad is really about to lose his mind. He grabs my arm with excessive force as if I were a criminal.  

“I don’t have to answer a damn thing about that fag. Why do you even care about him so much?”

I somehow break free from his grip as I hear my heart finally speak for once.

“I care because I love him! There! You satisfied?”

I can’t take it anymore. After saying all that, I made up my mind. My eyes capture the image of the priceless look of disbelief and shock from my parents right as I storm outside. I don’t care what everyone else will think of me. I might lose a lot of respect from a lot of people, but I will finally gain my personal pride.

I may be an idiot for choosing Angel. Angel may be an idiot for all the stunts he does. And my parents may be idiots for how close-minded they are. But now I realize we are all idiots. Each and every one of us.

So, screw my parents. Screw my friends. Screw the rest of the world. The one I love the most needs me now more than ever.

I need him now more than ever.

***

I arrive behind the old Food Depot a few minutes before Angel’s stunt. An overwhelming number of people from school and even people from other neighboring schools are circling around the stunt area. Angel picked the best possible spot to perform such a big stunt. A lot of people don’t even know this spot exists. As I brush my way through the crowd, I finally reach the spacious center of the area.

There he is: My Angel; standing there looking as gracious as ever before. Never before has he worn a completely white-colored outfit. His leg-crushing tight pair of white jeans and his ultra-bleached shirt makes him look like an actual angel. About 300 feet away from Angel stands a 2010 bloody-red Chevy Cobalt. What’s most striking out of all the images of this scene is Angel’s arm gesture. One arm is slouching on his side, but the other arm is standing out as if he’s holding the hand of an invisible person.

That invisible person is supposed to be me.

Somehow, someway, he knew I would come. He must’ve known I would choose him. He must’ve known all along how I truly feel about him.

Without hesitation, I continue to walk out of the crowd and glide my way towards Angel’s hand of fate. The closer I come to Angel, the more the surrounding crowd begins to disappear. This is no longer about them. This is just about me and Angel.

Neither of us has to say a word as I come up to Angel to accept his invitation. Here we are, side by side, facing the challenge ahead of us together.

“Angel,” I tell him while facing the car, “did you actually think this would be the way things would turn out?”

“Of course,” he says without moving his eyes from the car. “I knew this from the very first time I performed a stunt. I knew you wouldn’t resist letting me do this grand finale stunt by myself. And boy, do I know how to gather a crowd, eh?”

“You got that right. You should be proud. You’re about to make a major impact not only on this city, but on other cities nationwide.”

“We, Joshie. We are about to make an impact together.”

After about a minute of silence from us, the Chevy finally roars its engine. I’m not thinking what brave soul volunteered to drive the car. I don’t care what’s happening at the banquet. I don’t care what everyone is thinking about my open love for another man. Only Angel is on my mind because I love him. Always have and always will.

“Angel, do you think they will accept us after this? Not only me and you, but everyone else out there who’s like us.”

“Who knows.  Hopefully, they will. Hopefully, this will help.”

Louder and louder, the engine roars loud enough to ignite the speed of my heart rate.

“Joshie, all we can do is have faith.”

The moving of the tires signals the beginning of the rest of me and Angel’s life.

“A leap of faith is all it will take.”

The brightness of the car’s headlights grows bigger and bigger as the seconds go by.

“A leap of faith can have the power to change what everyone else thinks of people like us.”

The Cobalt’s seventy-miles-per-hour speed is hammering its way toward us now with a blazing trail of toxic smoke blistering our way.

“A leap of faith can make it one step closer…to worldwide acceptance.”

***

To my body, the last thing I remember touching is the gentle hand of Angel’s.

To my eyes, the last thing I remember seeing is the engulfing flash of headlights.

To my mind, the last thing I remember seeing is the crisp and loving smile Angel does best. This time, I can finally show him my smile too. The smile Angel and I have been waiting all our lives to see.

 

 

 

 


© Copyright 2019 tdthomas12. All rights reserved.

Add Your Comments:

Comments