Through the Red Weary Eyes of Pain

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is what my thoughts are everyday. There is pain in everyone, but only the bravest can overcome it and become happy again. I am one of those people.

Submitted: April 09, 2013

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Submitted: April 09, 2013

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I lay on my bed, my red weary eyes releasing an army of tears down my pale face. It is one o'clock in the morning, and insomnia has once again pulled me under the water, and instead of struggling with the tide, I go with the movement of the water and let myself cry. My heart collapses, and it is as if I can feel it shriveling up and falling to the pit of my stomach. I cough from the pain, and curl my body into fetal postion as I snuggle with my love's jacket he gave me. I inhale his scent, and cry harder. I cry because although I saw him just a few hours ago, my emotionally attached body was ripped away, and it hurt like putting hand santizer on an open wound. Not all my sleepless nights start the exact same, yet they all end the exact same way: Crying myself to sleep. It usually starts with me lying in bed, waiting to become endorsed with soundless sleep. Unfortunately, my thoughts begin swirling around my head, and every happy memory I think about ends with a bad ending, to the point where I, for a moment, believe it actually happened. Finally, I looked it up to investigate if my behavior was normal. I concluded that it was not normal to cry yourself to sleep every night, for it was a sign or severe depression. This depressed me more, and it made me want to take off into the chilled air and not come back. At the same time, I looked up ways to stop crying. It didn't help, neither did sleeping pills. Even when I finally did get to sleep, my pain didn't stop there. Nightmares murdered my dreams and crushed my hopes. Events from my past, haunted me in my sleep. Even events that never happened, just my imagination creating them, trapped me down. It started causing trust issues, emptiness was all I begun to know, and if I felt like I wasn't getting enough attention from my love, I suddenly felt unwanted, and unloved. I know I have a serious problem, and I have yet to find an answer of what I should do. I smile, laugh, and be happy during the day when I can, to show that I am okay and that I will make my best effort to stay okay. Cutting used to be resourceful, but it no longer appeals, as it only makes others hurt. I'm working on becoming strong, it just takes time, for those who build up time with wisdom are those who make the wisest decisions. 


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