Suppose I was THOR!!!

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You ever get tired of always being the good guy?

Submitted: July 29, 2015

A A A | A A A

Submitted: July 29, 2015



“I don’t get it..." I stated with a hint of genuine confusion.

"I’m a black man, and as a man of color there is no way I could be Thor.” I said.

“Is that so?” Odin the All Father said.

“I have never heard more foolishness in my life. What does the color of a man’s skin have to do with the content of his character?” He continued.

“Are you serious right now? You’re paraphrasing Dr. King...really?” I was kind of upset at the thought but still the old shit was amusing.

“So you would be more comfortable if I called you Set or Shango?” Odin said with a grin.

“Well at least then you would be in the right continent and skin color.” I retorted.

“Ah...I see, so I guess you would be offended if I called you Zeus or Tupa or the hundred other names you have gone by throughout the eons.  But the truth is it would not matter, because you are all of them and none at the same time. ”

“You ARE Thor...and you are my son. You were born as Thor the Transcendent out of Freya of Iza by Odin Prime. Or so the story you have established has gone.”

“It is who you are; nothing you say can change that, especially something as basic as the color of your skin. Especially since you can take any form you wish.”

“Did you know that the Native Americans in the U.S. North West named you the Thunderbird because of the sound your ship made when they first encountered you?” Odin continued.

“It was the same ship you took before your Rite of Ascension as protest for the treatment of the humans here on Midgard by the gods.  You claimed this sphere not as dominion but as protectorate.  Anyone that would seek to conquer or harm its inhabitants would feel your wrath.”

“Look old man can you kindly get your crazy ass out of my hardware store. I have other people here who need my help.” I said. I was starting to get frustrated.

It was a good thing that at that very moment, a woman who was young, nubile and glorious in stature was quickly approaching and seemed to be in need of my assistance.

“Hey Dude, can you help me out?” she asked as she dug around her bag not really looking at me.

Yeah sure...” my voice bellowed unexpectedly.

“Wow you have a really nice voice I’m looking for a back-up singer for my…” her voice trailed off as she looked at me.

“Oh my word…you’re…stunning…” she mumbled as she handed me a crumbled piece of paper with one hand and placing the other lightly over her ample bosom.

“Your arms are so huge and you have the chiseled features of a g…” she continued.

“We have these down near the end of isle seven to your right, I’ll show you.” I quickly interjected.

“I’m…Sif…I mean Rebecca but my band name is SifLady Sif...” she said.

“Nice to meet you Rebecca…I mean…Sif” I said as we walked off down isle seven.

“Well actually they call me Widow…Lady Widow. The name of the band is Sif She continued.

I could see Odin from the corner of my eye smiling like he just ate the canary.

“I see you still possess the power of charming.” He said smiling as I walked back toward him and the register a few minutes later.

“Did you get her number?” He asked.

I looked at him with more than a little bit of contempt.

“Of course, you did you are THOR!!!” He bellowed.

He looked at me oddly as I stuffed Sif’s…I mean Lady Widow’s…Rebecca’s number in my pocket.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. So unless you’re gonna buy something I have a lot of work to do?” I said; my voice rising slightly.

“The power of charming, the gift of gab, the ability to talk a woman out of her panties, whatever you want to call it…ironically enough it is a power you inherited from your mother.” he said

“And do not be fooled boy she is NOT the Lady Widow. The Widow you imagine is a great beauty. She is A’laness out of Iza by Iza wife of the Raven God and Mother to…”

THOR…!” I bellowed oddly.

“Son of Raven yet also Raven…” I whispered almost inaudibly.


The Great Odin simply smiled at me as he stood there in his 3-piece suit.

“You are beginning to remember, my son. You are beginning to remember your true nature. This is a good thing because there is need of you and Mjölnir.”

For some strange reason I instinctively reached for the Mason’s Hammer in my carpenter’s belt. Odin eyed my belt oddly not so much with the desperation he feigned so well in his voice.


I thought it to myself being sure not to reveal my suspicions on my face. Loki is a known trickster.

What a sec…

What the fuck am I thinking? Why am I thinking like this like


I bellowed again.

This time the man calling himself Odin literally shook as the items in isle six went flying off the counters, as the doors and windows rattled.

“Suppose I was Thor.” I said in my normal voice.

“Well then Thor you’d be…” he said smiling.

“There are many ailments and evils of this world that only someone like Thor…could heal and avenge…” he said.

“Like an Aven…” I started but was abruptly interrupted.

“More like a god…” He said, waving away my last comment.

“Besides we don’t wanna get hassled for any kind of copyright nonsense…” He continued as he motioned his arms like he was waving away some bothersome fly.

“What does being a god have to do with copyrights...” I trailed off as Rebecca walked up to the register.

“My point exactly...” Odin said.

“Hey...” Rebecca said waving quirkily.

“Hi did you find everything you needed?” I asked.

“Yeah you even had some stuff I been looking for, for a while.” she said.

I rang her up.

“Thanks...” She said airily as she walked out.

Then she stopped at the door and looked back with her big light brown doe eyes.

“Call me...” She said softly and walked out with a look of utter submission.

The sunlight bathed my body in a godly glow as it came though the shop windows. I smiled at her knowing she was already conquered. I turned and noticed Odin looking at me with great pride. He smiled a big wide toothy smile. He was Cheshiring...y’know like the cat from Alice in Wonderland.

“What do you want from me?” I asked as I began closing up my store for the day.

“I want you be to be Thor!” He said flatly as we stepped outside and I locked the hardware store door.

“You know what I want?” I paused to gauge his reaction.

“I want the man who was my father to claim responsibly for his inaction as a parent. I want for my family to be whole, for my brother whom I have loved unconditionally from childhood NOT to be my greatest adversary.  I want for the people I have chosen to protect to live their lives in peace instead squandering their lives killing each other over coins and paper and remains of animals that had more heart and compassion than any human I have come across in over a millennia.” I yelled.

“What I want FATHER is to no longer be THOR.” I said vehemently. Then I paused as the venom of old anger born of disappointment drained out of my blood.

“What good is a god to people who no longer believe? To a people who no longer love? What good is saving people who don’t even want to save themselves?” I said.

“I am tired of Midgard. I am tired of protecting these...these creatures that would rather stab each other in the back for money or drugs; Or even worse over something as stupid as the color of their SKIN than defend and protect each other.” I said tiredly.

“I HATE humans and I’m tired of their bullshit. I am no longer their defender.” I said as I reached for my hammer, my true form emerging as armor and cape both an extension of the mighty Mjölnir covered my body.

“Then all is lost and Midgard will be destroyed in a fortnight...” Odin said.

“So be it...” I said as I walked off and took to the air knowing I would later regret the decision.





© Copyright 2020 Ted Gerard. All rights reserved.

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