Self hate

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
"Self hate" is about the worst feeling to live with, hate. Hatting someone is hard enough, but, you can ignore them or try to no longer have any contact with them, most of the time. however there are a few special cases where you can not ignore that person, a case where you have to live with that person or die. this case is self hate, when you hate yourself and are forced to live with it, this is the worst feeling in the world.

Submitted: March 10, 2015

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Submitted: March 10, 2015

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I have restarted cutting my arms. Only 4 thin slits. But still, I am scared that it might escalate, become more and more and eventually cover my arm like it used to. I didn't tell my friends because I told them that I had a very good day and they were very happy for me, I don't want to ruin that for them, I just want to let them keep that image of me happy in their heads for as long as I can. I will probably warn them before I see them for my birthday this week end and we will deal with it then. They already know that I'm not doing too good since my boyfriend broke up with me. Why does love have this much power?! It shouldn't be able to fuck us up this bad. It's not fair. It's just a stupid feeling, what is love? Love is pain. When you fall in love, you suffer because you don't believe that you will get the person you love, when you get him/her, you suffer because you miss that person every time you are away from that person for more than a few days, then finally the inevitable happens, that person who by this time means the world to you breaks up, that is the worst pain of all. You are so blinded by love that you forget a big fact in life: love never lasts. You start to believe that you will be with that person for ever, you want it so much that you start to believe it. Near the end of the relationship, you start sensing that the other person in the relationship is starting to drift away, you tell yourself that it is all in your head and that that person still loves you because he/she loved you so much at the beginning. You tell yourself that but inside your head there is still a small voice telling you that she/he is going to break up with you at any second and there is nothing you can do to stop it. When that day comes and that person breaks up, you wonder what you have done to deserve this, you blame yourself, that is why love hurts so much, when it ends, it turns into self hate. That is one of the worst things to live with, such a strong hate for someone that you can't even get away from, you can't forget about this person or make them go away because this person is yourself. You either live with yourself or you die, this is a decision, the decision is based on how much you hate yourself, it has nothing to do with strength, the strongest people in the world could kill themselves as fast as the weakest. If anything, it has more to do with courage. It takes a lot of courage to end your own life, don't get me wrong, I am not encouraging killing yourself, I believe that you can get better, you can get help. I am just saying that you shouldn't think that people who choose to die earlier than expected are not weak, they so not get more scared than the rest of us, they are the strong ones, they have just been through more than us, they have had more shit happen to them. They were strong enough to make this tough decision, they were strong enough to go through with it. May they all Rest In Peace. And we should help them. Help them choose to live, try to make life just a little bit easier for them, if they need a friend or someone to talk to, or someone to stand up for them, we should be there and respond to there cries for help. Be there, I a not saying make your life all about them, don't expect to make everything better in just a few days, all you need to do is be there for them and you will be surprised at what big a difference that can make.

 

Stay strong, keep on surviving, see you, I love you!

XXX

Teen nobody.


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