Invasion of the Pony Tails Strippers
Part 5: What a Wonderful World
TERI: 'Hi, Teri'? Is that all you have to say, bitch? I can't leave you alone for a second, Gretchen. If you're not running off creating your own Booksie account, you're violating my copyright by appearing in Bruce's scripts.
BRUCEK: Hey! This wasn't my idea.
*Two miniature poodles come running up and jump up at Bruce and Teri*
TERI: Maul! Swallow! Did mommy's babies miss me? Huh?
ROSE: Oh, my achin' quartz! The ground is hard as a... me. You okay, Mary Jane?
MARY JANE: What a trip. That's it, I'm getting off the drugs. Sign, line, chair. Are you guys okay?
LINE: I'm straight.
SIGN: I currently read 'F'ed Up'. What do you think? And chair looks like one of those kneeling chairs.
CHAIR: A little reupholstering, I'll be fine.
BRUCEK (brushing off the poodle): You look like a disassembled exercise machine, chair.
CHAIR: No, honestly. A little fabric, some Scotchguarding, I'm ready for the Laz-Y-Boy showroom.
FRIEDA: I don't mean to be an ungrateful character, but get me the F*CK OUTTA THIS TREE!!
SHADOWCAT: Ain't no way t' treat yo' moneymakers, Teri.
BRUCEK: Hold on, ladies.
*Bruce whips out his notebook and starts writing. Suddenly, chair is restored, John is fine, and Frieda and Shadowcat are standing on the ground*
CHAIR: Star Wars fabric pattern. Cool!
TERI: Damn! I've gotta get me one of those notebooks. All these years, I've been doing it the hard way.
BRUCEK: It's available as an Android app, too.
TERI: I'll talk to Thea... So is this it? The end?
BRUCEK: I guess so. Huh! I thought there'd be a big bang at the end.
GRETCHEN: There would be, but I'm not much on group sex.
FRIEDA: I'll stick around for that.
SHADOWCAT: You would.
LI'L BIT: Hey, what about the car? It's still back in Arizona.
BRUCEK: Sorry, I'm out of room in the notebook.
BIANCA: You mean we have to walk? All the way to Arizona? Do you know how many kilometers that is?
GRETCHEN: No, but in miles, it's –
SHADOWCAT: Jus' start walkin', fellow-babies. They gonna be a ton of men who give us a ride.
FRIEDA: All of us? He better be driving a bus by himself.
MARY JANE: Can we come?
*Shadowcat grabs chair*
SHADOWCAT: A place to sit when we tired, a relaxin' smoke, and a rock to throw at drivers who don't stop. That all we need.
SIGN: We'll see you guys back in Arizona.
LINE: Just follow me.
JOHN: Wait for me. Five strippers all the way to AZ? I am SO there!
*All of the characters exit, leaving BruceK and Teri alone.*
TERI: The dogs are hungry. You wanna have lunch at my place, Bruce?
BRUCEK: Sure. What's cooking?
*They start walking toward the house*
TERI: All I have is dry toast.
BRUCEK: In a house that big?
TERI: Um, yeah. Sure. Just dry toast. Honest.
BRUCEK: I'll teach you how to make stone soup, kid. Then you'll never be hungry.
BRUCEK: Teri, why are we walking into the sunset when we're heading east?
TERI: It's a metaphor.
BRUCEK: Only women get that, when they get older.
TERI: No, that's menopause.
BRUCEK: I thought that was the button on a DVD player.
*Cue Louis Armstrong's “What a Wonderful World”*
© Copyright 2016 Teri Cross Chetwood. All rights reserved.