How To Piss Off A Hipster

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Sure-Fire Ways to Get a Death Glare Through Thick-Rimmed, Nonprescription Glasses

Submitted: October 02, 2013

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Submitted: October 02, 2013



Hipsters are one of the easiest groups of people to infuriate. From my own experience, usually just being alive gets the job done. This article will either help people find more ways to piss off their hipster friends, or it will help people avoid the wrath of the angry hipster.

Since high school, I have always enjoyed being friends with as many hipsters as possible. I find them intriguing. I still do not understand them, but through my experiences, I have learned (usually unintentionally) how to seriously annoy them.

Step 1: Call The Hipster A “Hipster.”

I don’t completely understand why this makes them so mad, but oh, how it does. I think it is because they like to believe they are entirely individual and nonconformist. If society has created a label to describe them, their dreams have been crushed. If you are a hipster, just remember: “The first step to being a hipster is not admitting that you are one.”

Step 2: Be In An Organized Group.

I am in a sorority, and hipsters absolutely hate that. They especially hate the members who fit the stereotypes they have of them. So, if you are a female, make sure to wear your oversized sorority t-shirts, say the word “literally” in every sentence, tell everyone they are the “sweetest” person, and tweet #blessed as much as you possibly can.

Step 3: Talk About Clothes.

One of the times I unintentionally made a hipster mad was during high school. I told her I loved the way she dressed, and I wanted her to teach me how to dress like a hipster. I can see now why this made her so mad. I not only insulted her by calling her out for being a hipster, but I also mentioned clothing in the same remark.

She responded with a snarky, “I am not trying to dress like a hipster. This is just the way I dress.” She definitely did not respond the way I hoped she would.

Anyways, she then rolled her eyes and left me standing there with the newfound realization that she hated me, and that I should probably never talk to her again if I wanted to live.

To make things worse, I never even learned how to dress like her. I was honestly trying to give her a compliment, but I was young and naïve and did not know the wrong I was doing.

Step 4: Talk Music With Them.

Let me make this perfectly clear: if you say anything about music, you will make a hipster mad. If you don’t like their music, they will be mad. If you do like their music, they will be mad. If you say you like Mumford and Sons and list “Little Lion Man” as your example song, they will kill you.

Step 5: Imitate What They Do.

I am not proud to admit this, but I intentionally did something to annoy my hipster friend, Kirby, during high school.

OK, I am kind of proud of myself. She never caught on, which brought me much joy. The thing I did was this:

Whenever I was fortunate enough to get in a car with Kirby, I would take note of her music. Would I comment or ask her what song was playing? No. (See step 4 if you forgot why.)

I would simply listen to her obscure music and write as many lyrics as I could get down in the notes section of my cell phone. Then, when I got home, I would type the lyrics into Google to find out what song it was. Obviously, I had never heard the name of the band or the song before. But, as soon I found the song, I would immediately download it onto my iPod.

Then, the next time I would be driving with her in the car, I would play my new purchases. She would look disgusted and confused as she asked me, “You know this song?” Since she knew how un-cool and mainstream I was, she would be ashamed to have anything in common with me.

Oddly, I never heard her play the songs I knew ever again.

Step 6: Hate Cats.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I like the idea of cats. I like looking up funny pictures of cats and the YouTube video of the cat dancing to dubstep music as much as the next guy. I just don’t like the actual animal. In fact, cats terrify me.

But the majority of hipsters are huge cat fans. Loving puppies is too mainstream, so they are obsessed with cats.

Last year, I was rooming with my friend, Sara, who was a hipster. Naturally, she loved cats. I tried my best to never let her know I did not like them.

This plan was going great until she found a stray cat, named him Oliver, and brought Oliver home to live with us.  From that moment, I was a prisoner in my own home. I have never hated a cat more.

Oliver would eat fur off his back, scratch and hiss underneath my closed door to try to get into my bedroom, and constantly appear out of nowhere and scare me. I would crack my door open and peek to see if I could leave my room, and he was always there: silently staring up at me.

After I told her I was tired of living in fear, and the cat needed to stay with her parents, I don’t think she ever viewed me the same way again.

This list included six ways to piss hipsters off, but trust me, there are many more. But don’t fear hipsters. They are exactly like us—just angry versions of us. But remember, if you have pissed off a hipster, do not fret. Just bring them a black coffee, compliment their longboard, and call it a day.

















© Copyright 2020 Tessa Martha. All rights reserved.

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