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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is for the Self Harm/Injury Awareness Contest, but it is also to show my support, as a past cutter myself, I know how hard it is, I really do, and so I hope you get better, anyone and everyone. Here's to support and love.

Submitted: March 16, 2013

A A A | A A A

Submitted: March 16, 2013




We live in a world where smiley faces have to be drawn on sun’s to make it brighter

See, my mother said ‘smile’

She picked me and she said ‘smile’

I went to school the next day

Afraid and alone

I made friends and the teacher gave me a lollie

But then a boy called me ugly

I cried for two days and now I’m a crybaby

A crybaby cries because you made it cry

Yes, I’m a crybaby but you’re the monster who scared it

I was fine, it was fine, all fine

I moved on, yeah

Then I got into third grade and a girl called me stupid

Only because I forgot to subtract the five

Forgetting doesn’t make me stupid

So then why do I double check everything now?

Why do I look out for a five when I’m using a three?

A five a five, it’s all fine

But then in fifth grade someone said ‘loser’

Somehow I ended up alone at a table one day

And the next thing I know I am a loser

But what game did I lose?

Then eight grade there were so many words

Ugly and fat and stupid and weird

But I didn’t want to be a crybaby

And so this time I wasn’t

And so I made red

My mother tries to hide them

The scars

But I see them and for a moment I was curious

I couldn’t bear to ask her if it helped

It does

It does because every time I take a strike I’m two percent


I’m less fat and less ugly and less stupid and less weird

So take that voices in my head

Tell me all the words you want

Because words do hurt and if it takes scars to prove it to you then fine

Look at them!

Except I don’t show them

I get why my mother hides them

They aren’t for you, they’re for me

They’re for me because I’m ugly and stupid and fat and weird

Because I’m a crybaby without the tears

I hide them well, except one day I was changing

And she walked in

And I hated myself more than ever

Because I made my mommy cry

But it helps mommy!

No, it doesn’t

You understand mommy!

I do, but I don’t

Fuck you mommy

I tried to end it there

But she’s my mommy and so she sat me down

And asked me

‘Am I ugly, or stupid, or a whore, or a slut?’


Then why do these scars say I am

Why was I paying for a crime I didn’t commit?

Because it helped

Am I ugly?

No mom, you’re the very definition of beautiful!

When I think beautiful I think of a mother who works everyday

A single mother who shines so bright I have to look away

A brave mother who—

I start crying then because nothing makes sense anymore

It’s not okay, she says

Look, really look at me

I want you to look at me and see the reflection off my eyes

See the wonderful, brave little girl I love

My beautiful child

See how I see you and don’t you dare ever see yourself as anything less

I’m not telling you to love yourself at once

Just love a piece of yourself everyday

Love your nose

And your thumb

And your left eye

Love a piece everyday so that one day you’ll love every piece of you

And if you don’t that’s okay, no one ever does

And when the girls start calling your slut

And the boys are saying ugly

I want you to cry

Because those are mean, nasty words

Because they hurt and so hurt the right way

This isn’t the way to hurt

 The tears, the tears fall when you’re hurt

And you hurt

So cry

Cry at home because I will never think any less of you

 I will only think, my brave, brave child

Taking ahold of her hurt so she can heal

Uncurling her tight grip on her tattered heart

Every tears is a kiss

So baby, kiss your heart please

Please hurt the right way

The right way

You don’t need these scars to know it hurts

You don’t need these scars to get better

It’s not a question of knowing better

It’s about getting better

I was crying the whole time

And man, did it feel good

Fine, world, listen up

I am a crybaby!

I cry every time it hurts

Because it hurts

And it will still hurt afterwards

But it gets better


And that’s all anyone could ask for

And so I will be such a great mom

That my daughter’s or son’s child

Will never think it’s okay

She will cry when it hurts

Because that’s what tears are for

Little kisses to the heart

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