I don't like boys, not really.
I don't like girls either.
I mean, I see people, and I see them swoon for whomever catches their interest and I just don't understand.
I see a guy and I can think 'yeah, he's cute', but I don't really care, not really, and I can see a girl and think 'yeah, she's cute', but I just don't care.
I've been asked if I'm gay.
I'm not, not really.
My friends or people ask me becuase I'm not interested in guys.
I just don't want a relationship.
Its not one of those 'woe is me' and 'love me not 'sort of things, I just don't want a tongue shoved down my throat.
I don't see why I should make an effort to persue a relationship in high school if all it'll ever amount to would most likely be sex based.
I don't want to kiss people.
I don't want to talk to people becuase people are annoying.
Its not like I'm waiting for anyone, its really not that.
I just don't want anyone right now.
I'm not waiting, not really.
Sex is gross.
I just can't wrap my mind around it.
Or attractive features.
People do realize they are just a blob of fat right?
Boobs are just skin and fat?
A face is skin.
I just don't know.
I wonder if that's normal, not wanting people.
I know I'm not asexual, I'm pretty sure I'm not.
I'm just not interested.
I can't ever explain it though, when people ask me out
Do you want to go out?
What do I say then?
Why should I? What benefit could come from persueing a relationship with you? How could this prove to be advantageous to me?
Sometimes yes, I'd like a relationship, but just for someone to talk to, someone to care.
I don't want anything physical.
Do people in highschool want phsycial?
Not if they only think of it, or if they only want that in a relationship, but do they desire it?
Is that normal?
I don't know.
I don't know a lot of things, least of all love.
Phsyical love just eludes me.
I can't ask my friends becuase they won't tell me.
She says that she hates phsyical contact and people, and yet I've seen her make out with her boyfriend.
She pins after my brother and after other crushes.
I've hadn't have a crush in years.
Is that normal?
I just, don't want people.
I wish someone would just explain it to me so I could spend time doing more productive things, things that are not wondering about if its normal, if that's just how everyone feels.
Its maddening, that's what it is.
Absolutely and completely and utterly maddening.
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