Her death, her departure

Reads: 174 | Likes: 0 | Shelves: 0 | Comments: 6

Poem by: The Eternal Flame

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Status: Finished | Genre: Poetry | House: Booksie Classic

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How it feels like, when some beloved one leaves the green world...

Submitted: August 08, 2012

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Submitted: August 08, 2012

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Her death, her departure

Sitting by the side of my beloved,
I weep, tears of blood I shed,
On her lifeless bosom, in eternal sleep she be...

Her limbs unable to embrace me more,
I painfully gaze upon death's dark door
Through which she went forever away from me...

Like the wintry snow, she's serene and still,
Rosy lips lacking smiles that could kill
Deepest of my worries, my sharpest pain...

My tears fall on her cheeks, drop by drop,
Won't she anymore, with her kisses, stop
My cries, my tears, my sorrow again?

Winters of death come and end,
As springs's fair winds arise and lend
Life to the lifeless trees everywhere on earth..

But no winds of spring can bring her back,
I sigh, with my strength's evident lack,
I wait for death to stop my heart...

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Poetry love death nature pain winter kiss spring charm

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Comments

deminiles

Comment | 16 words

Wed, August 8th, 2012 11:50am

Aweh, this is very good ! read some of my work ! & comment what you think! thanks xx!

Author
Reply

Comment | 4 words

Wed, August 8th, 2012 11:33pm

Thanks, and sure I'll.

DLCannon Reprise

Comment | 8 words

Thu, August 9th, 2012 1:42am

I don't want death to stop your heart.

Author
Reply

Comment | 11 words

Thu, August 9th, 2012 7:18am

Thanks, me neither. :) But to be honest, we all must die.

moonphish

Comment | 4 words

Fri, August 10th, 2012 10:10pm

breathtakingly sad and haunting

Author
Reply

Comment | 6 words

Tue, September 25th, 2012 12:07am

Thanks. A reflection of my pessimism. :)

pateatminds

Comment | 5 words

Sat, August 11th, 2012 6:44am

Wow! nice very nice! :D

Author
Reply

Comment | 2 words

Mon, September 24th, 2012 11:57pm

Thanks. :D

My Ria

Comment | 2 words

Wed, August 15th, 2012 11:10pm

Good poem!

Author
Reply

Comment | 1 words

Fri, September 14th, 2012 3:17am

Thanks. :)

CRoberts

Comment | 110 words

Fri, September 14th, 2012 4:00am

Nice poem, good language use. The ryhming scheme links the stanzas well, and its clear people enjoy it.
If I can make a couple of minor observations:-
a. In the second line, tears of blood doesn’t make sense - one could say you were just trying to find a word to fill the void. There is no metaphorical link, nor is there a physical injury discussed.
b. The last two stanzas break away from the rhyming scheme, which is a bit of a shame as the rest is so consistent (referencing heart and earth.

Hope you don't mind the critique - after all, without critiques we can't improve.

Author
Reply

Comment | 35 words

Tue, September 18th, 2012 7:39am

Certainly, thanks for your time in reading my poem and suggesting further improvements. You're very right, about critique, and it's nice to know how a fellow poet feels about what I manage to write.

Thanks.