Hold on to what you believe

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Flash Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
keeping dreams alive.

Submitted: July 19, 2009

A A A | A A A

Submitted: July 19, 2009

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A A A


Hold on to what you believe by Rosa Arlotto
I close my eyes, expose my hands and face to the sunlight(without slathering in the sunscreen) for at least 15 minutes a day, preferably before 11:30 A.M. or after 3:00 to absorb some vitamin D… take vitamin stresssupplements… and whenever a dark thought enters my mind visiolize a STOP SIGNand then mentally replace that stop sign with a picture that gives you hope… like a butterfly landing on a flower, or a grand slam home run…. Check the first inside page of your phone book for the toll free emergency mental health care crisis line….and remember quick fixes . like having a nice cold bruskie or a joint wear off and result in deeper depression because feelings are like a pendulum as high as they go up, is as low as they go down… strive for an even keel.
Does a tree fall in the forest when no one is there to make a sound?
For me this was the end. All my plans and hopes , all my nebulous dreams of the future had been cruelly dashed . I fear for my sanity.
This is the third rejection I received. Things get better. Hold on to what you believe[RA1].
How did he feel I wanted to know when a person looked at his work and said a child could do as well.
The publisher will never be fair to real artists as long as it fails to regard a work of art solely as a free and original interpretation of the artist.I’m deeply hurt but I understand, everyone including Charles my roommate says that my work is no good but that my whole work sometimes alsohas its strength and weaknesses.
Clearly the relations between I and my roommate Charles is deep and profound .I can’t think that I’ve heard such expressions of love between two people very often in my life. This roommate has kept me off drugs and living and I know I’m loved. I’m not knocking AA and NA they are fabulous for those who need them but I have had Charles to help me through.I heard someone say that self-destruction was made unnecessary because somebody really loved me and kept me living, Charles also tried to make allowances for my notorious temperament but I could tell from the look of his face that he himself felt that way that he did not understand my work and deliberately marked it down. The tears I had not shown him in my cheeks were in my voice.
Charles could not imagine whatthat was to someone who had lived such a different sort of life. I live in my own shadow , isolated , unsociable preoccupied with my own thoughts, I feel lost in the middle of a crowd , to everything I did Isought the individual everyday in every poem I worked to discuss the real person, Charles could not understand I had always written from the heart. I could not remember when I had started although my parents told me it was when I was seven years old that I was writing poems. During the years that followed writing had become a part of me , like eating, and sleepingand breathing. There had never been a doubt in my mind that someday I would be a professional writer.I wrote everyday, no matter where I was . I studied from books , I attendedlectures on writing , I took writing courses…
Still Charles was Charles .He made everything else worth it! Afterall I had to give him credit for my sobriety since I had set myself to go off the wagon though he still wanted me to go to see a psychiatrist but I did not want to go .It made me sound like some kind of freak.
“You’re wrong about that. It’s not freaks who go to the psychiatrist.It’s people who need help with their problems. And in your case you may discover the very thing you may already know. “
“But I don’tknow anything.I really don’t know anything.I would waste their time.”
“Then what about a real job?”Charles insists
“If you are good with learning fairly basic software, and you don’t have to worry about typing up your phone line for several hours at the time and can handle sitting at your computer for two to four hours minimum you might try checking www.pizzapizza.ca .They have some sub-contractors who train order-takers to work from home.Last I heard though you’d have to go to a location outside your home for the training. It depends on where you live and which sub-contractor you deal with. I would try going to the site and checking the employment opportunities linkif they still have one or call their man number during the day and find out from customer service who you can talk toSo that is all it ended up now,all my dreams all my work. I wishedI could emphasize the importance I attached to my work but I felt too depressed.Surely my dear Charles could hardly believe how difficult it was to write and place a solitary character in a story and concentrate interest in this character and keep it vital. Few weeks of work I had unleashed such fierce and war of words. I pointed out how much I respected writing with beliefs and motives and wisdom in religion.I challenged my readers to find a way to spread theChristian message in a way that inspire all of us to have more hope and joy.In my work I was defending the right of the Christian to write whatever, as well as encourage the person contemplating to write something that was helpful to them. How could I explain to Charles that what I was doing made me feel useful or that I was being helpful?
From an artistic point of view I know I have to pursue my work without regard to present circumstances Many artists ‘ work have been totally debated until the end of their lives but time did the work.What had once seemed outrageous gradually died downand revealed in the end nothing but geniuses.
What would Charles and the others think then and why did he speak out and not admit that he had been blind and unintelligent. That would be a lesson for him , perhaps it would teach him to understand that there are no rules, nor obligations of any sort, that I am bringing a liberal interpretation of life ,giving my flesh and blood becoming more positive as I became more individualistic an perfect.
Well I was still waiting for success.I didn’tthink I would ever see success but when I was dead they would realize that I saw and thought with accuracy.
Meanwhile Charles and I are being evicted at the end of the month.We don’t have enough money for the first and last month rent for a new place. I don’t have the energy to cope with all that. I tell myself to calm down and relax. We”ll have to count on the help of some charitable friend to put us up for the next month then we’ll see ...Things can’t always be gloomy.
[RA1]
Hold on to what you believe
I close my eyes, expose my hands and face to the sunlight(without slathering in the sunscreen) for at least 15 minutes a day, preferably before 11:30 A.M. or after 3:00 to absorb some vitamin D… take vitamin stresssupplements… and whenever a dark thought enters my mind visiolize a STOP SIGNand then mentally replace that stop sign with a picture that gives you hope… like a butterfly landing on a flower, or a grand slam home run…. Check the first inside page of your phone book for the toll free emergency mental health care crisis line….and remember quick fixes . like having a nice cold bruskie or a joint wear off and result in deeper depression because feelings are like a pendulum as high as they go up, is as low as they go down… strive for an even keel.
Does a tree fall in the forest when no one is there to make a sound?
For me this was the end. All my plans and hopes , all my nebulous dreams of the future had been cruelly dashed . I fear for my sanity.
This is the third rejection I received. Things get better. Hold on to what you believe[RA1].
How did he feel I wanted to know when a person looked at his work and said a child could do as well.
The publisher will never be fair to real artists as long as it fails to regard a work of art solely as a free and original interpretation of the artist.I’m deeply hurt but I understand, everyone including Charles my roommate says that my work is no good but that my whole work sometimes alsohas its strength and weaknesses.
Clearly the relations between I and my roommate Charles is deep and profound .I can’t think that I’ve heard such expressions of love between two people very often in my life. This roommate has kept me off drugs and living and I know I’m loved. I’m not knocking AA and NA they are fabulous for those who need them but I have had Charles to help me through.I heard someone say that self-destruction was made unnecessary because somebody really loved me and kept me living, Charles also tried to make allowances for my notorious temperament but I could tell from the look of his face that he himself felt that way that he did not understand my work and deliberately marked it down. The tears I had not shown him in my cheeks were in my voice.
Charles could not imagine whatthat was to someone who had lived such a different sort of life. I live in my own shadow , isolated , unsociable preoccupied with my own thoughts, I feel lost in the middle of a crowd , to everything I did Isought the individual everyday in every poem I worked to discuss the real person, Charles could not understand I had always written from the heart. I could not remember when I had started although my parents told me it was when I was seven years old that I was writing poems. During the years that followed writing had become a part of me , like eating, and sleepingand breathing. There had never been a doubt in my mind that someday I would be a professional writer.I wrote everyday, no matter where I was . I studied from books , I attendedlectures on writing , I took writing courses…
Still Charles was Charles .He made everything else worth it! Afterall I had to give him credit for my sobriety since I had set myself to go off the wagon though he still wanted me to go to see a psychiatrist but I did not want to go .It made me sound like some kind of freak.
“You’re wrong about that. It’s not freaks who go to the psychiatrist.It’s people who need help with their problems. And in your case you may discover the very thing you may already know. “
“But I don’tknow anything.I really don’t know anything.I would waste their time.”
“Then what about a real job?”Charles insists
“If you are good with learning fairly basic software, and you don’t have to worry about typing up your phone line for several hours at the time and can handle sitting at your computer for two to four hours minimum you might try checking www.pizzapizza.ca .They have some sub-contractors who train order-takers to work from home.Last I heard though you’d have to go to a location outside your home for the training. It depends on where you live and which sub-contractor you deal with. I would try going to the site and checking the employment opportunities linkif they still have one or call their man number during the day and find out from customer service who you can talk toSo that is all it ended up now,all my dreams all my work. I wishedI could emphasize the importance I attached to my work but I felt too depressed.Surely my dear Charles could hardly believe how difficult it was to write and place a solitary character in a story and concentrate interest in this character and keep it vital. Few weeks of work I had unleashed such fierce and war of words. I pointed out how much I respected writing with beliefs and motives and wisdom in religion.I challenged my readers to find a way to spread theChristian message in a way that inspire all of us to have more hope and joy.In my work I was defending the right of the Christian to write whatever, as well as encourage the person contemplating to write something that was helpful to them. How could I explain to Charles that what I was doing made me feel useful or that I was being helpful?
From an artistic point of view I know I have to pursue my work without regard to present circumstances Many artists ‘ work have been totally debated until the end of their lives but time did the work.What had once seemed outrageous gradually died downand revealed in the end nothing but geniuses.
What would Charles and the others think then and why did he speak out and not admit that he had been blind and unintelligent. That would be a lesson for him , perhaps it would teach him to understand that there are no rules, nor obligations of any sort, that I am bringing a liberal interpretation of life ,giving my flesh and blood becoming more positive as I became more individualistic an perfect.
Well I was still waiting for success.I didn’tthink I would ever see success but when I was dead they would realize that I saw and thought with accuracy.
Meanwhile Charles and I are being evicted at the end of the month.We don’t have enough money for the first and last month rent for a new place. I don’t have the energy to cope with all that. I tell myself to calm down and relax. We”ll have to count on the help of some charitable friend to put us up for the next month then we’ll see ...Things can’t always be gloomy.
[RA1]
Hold on to what you believe
I close my eyes, expose my hands and face to the sunlight(without slathering in the sunscreen) for at least 15 minutes a day, preferably before 11:30 A.M. or after 3:00 to absorb some vitamin D… take vitamin stresssupplements… and whenever a dark thought enters my mind visiolize a STOP SIGNand then mentally replace that stop sign with a picture that gives you hope… like a butterfly landing on a flower, or a grand slam home run…. Check the first inside page of your phone book for the toll free emergency mental health care crisis line….and remember quick fixes . like having a nice cold bruskie or a joint wear off and result in deeper depression because feelings are like a pendulum as high as they go up, is as low as they go down… strive for an even keel.
Does a tree fall in the forest when no one is there to make a sound?
For me this was the end. All my plans and hopes , all my nebulous dreams of the future had been cruelly dashed . I fear for my sanity.
This is the third rejection I received. Things get better. Hold on to what you believe[RA1].
How did he feel I wanted to know when a person looked at his work and said a child could do as well.
The publisher will never be fair to real artists as long as it fails to regard a work of art solely as a free and original interpretation of the artist.I’m deeply hurt but I understand, everyone including Charles my roommate says that my work is no good but that my whole work sometimes alsohas its strength and weaknesses.
Clearly the relations between I and my roommate Charles is deep and profound .I can’t think that I’ve heard such expressions of love between two people very often in my life. This roommate has kept me off drugs and living and I know I’m loved. I’m not knocking AA and NA they are fabulous for those who need them but I have had Charles to help me through.I heard someone say that self-destruction was made unnecessary because somebody really loved me and kept me living, Charles also tried to make allowances for my notorious temperament but I could tell from the look of his face that he himself felt that way that he did not understand my work and deliberately marked it down. The tears I had not shown him in my cheeks were in my voice.
Charles could not imagine whatthat was to someone who had lived such a different sort of life. I live in my own shadow , isolated , unsociable preoccupied with my own thoughts, I feel lost in the middle of a crowd , to everything I did Isought the individual everyday in every poem I worked to discuss the real person, Charles could not understand I had always written from the heart. I could not remember when I had started although my parents told me it was when I was seven years old that I was writing poems. During the years that followed writing had become a part of me , like eating, and sleepingand breathing. There had never been a doubt in my mind that someday I would be a professional writer.I wrote everyday, no matter where I was . I studied from books , I attendedlectures on writing , I took writing courses…
Still Charles was Charles .He made everything else worth it! Afterall I had to give him credit for my sobriety since I had set myself to go off the wagon though he still wanted me to go to see a psychiatrist but I did not want to go .It made me sound like some kind of freak.
“You’re wrong about that. It’s not freaks who go to the psychiatrist.It’s people who need help with their problems. And in your case you may discover the very thing you may already know. “
“But I don’tknow anything.I really don’t know anything.I would waste their time.”
“Then what about a real job?”Charles insists
“If you are good with learning fairly basic software, and you don’t have to worry about typing up your phone line for several hours at the time and can handle sitting at your computer for two to four hours minimum you might try checking www.pizzapizza.ca .They have some sub-contractors who train order-takers to work from home.Last I heard though you’d have to go to a location outside your home for the training. It depends on where you live and which sub-contractor you deal with. I would try going to the site and checking the employment opportunities linkif they still have one or call their man number during the day and find out from customer service who you can talk toSo that is all it ended up now,all my dreams all my work. I wishedI could emphasize the importance I attached to my work but I felt too depressed.Surely my dear Charles could hardly believe how difficult it was to write and place a solitary character in a story and concentrate interest in this character and keep it vital. Few weeks of work I had unleashed such fierce and war of words. I pointed out how much I respected writing with beliefs and motives and wisdom in religion.I challenged my readers to find a way to spread theChristian message in a way that inspire all of us to have more hope and joy.In my work I was defending the right of the Christian to write whatever, as well as encourage the person contemplating to write something that was helpful to them. How could I explain to Charles that what I was doing made me feel useful or that I was being helpful?
From an artistic point of view I know I have to pursue my work without regard to present circumstances Many artists ‘ work have been totally debated until the end of their lives but time did the work.What had once seemed outrageous gradually died downand revealed in the end nothing but geniuses.
What would Charles and the others think then and why did he speak out and not admit that he had been blind and unintelligent. That would be a lesson for him , perhaps it would teach him to understand that there are no rules, nor obligations of any sort, that I am bringing a liberal interpretation of life ,giving my flesh and blood becoming more positive as I became more individualistic an perfect.
Well I was still waiting for success.I didn’tthink I would ever see success but when I was dead they would realize that I saw and thought with accuracy.
Meanwhile Charles and I are being evicted at the end of the month.We don’t have enough money for the first and last month rent for a new place. I don’t have the energy to cope with all that. I tell myself to calm down and relax. We”ll have to count on the help of some charitable friend to put us up for the next month then we’ll see ...Things can’t always be gloomy.
[RA1]
Hold on to what you believe
I close my eyes, expose my hands and face to the sunlight(without slathering in the sunscreen) for at least 15 minutes a day, preferably before 11:30 A.M. or after 3:00 to absorb some vitamin D… take vitamin stresssupplements… and whenever a dark thought enters my mind visiolize a STOP SIGNand then mentally replace that stop sign with a picture that gives you hope… like a butterfly landing on a flower, or a grand slam home run…. Check the first inside page of your phone book for the toll free emergency mental health care crisis line….and remember quick fixes . like having a nice cold bruskie or a joint wear off and result in deeper depression because feelings are like a pendulum as high as they go up, is as low as they go down… strive for an even keel.
Does a tree fall in the forest when no one is there to make a sound?
For me this was the end. All my plans and hopes , all my nebulous dreams of the future had been cruelly dashed . I fear for my sanity.
This is the third rejection I received. Things get better. Hold on to what you believe[RA1].
How did he feel I wanted to know when a person looked at his work and said a child could do as well.
The publisher will never be fair to real artists as long as it fails to regard a work of art solely as a free and original interpretation of the artist.I’m deeply hurt but I understand, everyone including Charles my roommate says that my work is no good but that my whole work sometimes alsohas its strength and weaknesses.
Clearly the relations between I and my roommate Charles is deep and profound .I can’t think that I’ve heard such expressions of love between two people very often in my life. This roommate has kept me off drugs and living and I know I’m loved. I’m not knocking AA and NA they are fabulous for those who need them but I have had Charles to help me through.I heard someone say that self-destruction was made unnecessary because somebody really loved me and kept me living, Charles also tried to make allowances for my notorious temperament but I could tell from the look of his face that he himself felt that way that he did not understand my work and deliberately marked it down. The tears I had not shown him in my cheeks were in my voice.
Charles could not imagine whatthat was to someone who had lived such a different sort of life. I live in my own shadow , isolated , unsociable preoccupied with my own thoughts, I feel lost in the middle of a crowd , to everything I did Isought the individual everyday in every poem I worked to discuss the real person, Charles could not understand I had always written from the heart. I could not remember when I had started although my parents told me it was when I was seven years old that I was writing poems. During the years that followed writing had become a part of me , like eating, and sleepingand breathing. There had never been a doubt in my mind that someday I would be a professional writer.I wrote everyday, no matter where I was . I studied from books , I attendedlectures on writing , I took writing courses…
Still Charles was Charles .He made everything else worth it! Afterall I had to give him credit for my sobriety since I had set myself to go off the wagon though he still wanted me to go to see a psychiatrist but I did not want to go .It made me sound like some kind of freak.
“You’re wrong about that. It’s not freaks who go to the psychiatrist.It’s people who need help with their problems. And in your case you may discover the very thing you may already know. “
“But I don’tknow anything.I really don’t know anything.I would waste their time.”
“Then what about a real job?”Charles insists
“If you are good with learning fairly basic software, and you don’t have to worry about typing up your phone line for several hours at the time and can handle sitting at your computer for two to four hours minimum you might try checking www.pizzapizza.ca .They have some sub-contractors who train order-takers to work from home.Last I heard though you’d have to go to a location outside your home for the training. It depends on where you live and which sub-contractor you deal with. I would try going to the site and checking the employment opportunities linkif they still have one or call their man number during the day and find out from customer service who you can talk toSo that is all it ended up now,all my dreams all my work. I wishedI could emphasize the importance I attached to my work but I felt too depressed.Surely my dear Charles could hardly believe how difficult it was to write and place a solitary character in a story and concentrate interest in this character and keep it vital. Few weeks of work I had unleashed such fierce and war of words. I pointed out how much I respected writing with beliefs and motives and wisdom in religion.I challenged my readers to find a way to spread theChristian message in a way that inspire all of us to have more hope and joy.In my work I was defending the right of the Christian to write whatever, as well as encourage the person contemplating to write something that was helpful to them. How could I explain to Charles that what I was doing made me feel useful or that I was being helpful?
From an artistic point of view I know I have to pursue my work without regard to present circumstances Many artists ‘ work have been totally debated until the end of their lives but time did the work.What had once seemed outrageous gradually died downand revealed in the end nothing but geniuses.
What would Charles and the others think then and why did he speak out and not admit that he had been blind and unintelligent. That would be a lesson for him , perhaps it would teach him to understand that there are no rules, nor obligations of any sort, that I am bringing a liberal interpretation of life ,giving my flesh and blood becoming more positive as I became more individualistic an perfect.
Well I was still waiting for success.I didn’tthink I would ever see success but when I was dead they would realize that I saw and thought with accuracy.
Meanwhile Charles and I are being evicted at the end of the month.We don’t have enough money for the first and last month rent for a new place. I don’t have the energy to cope with all that. I tell myself to calm down and relax. We”ll have to count on the help of some charitable friend to put us up for the next month then we’ll see ...Things can’t always be gloomy.
[RA1]
Hold on to what you believe
I close my eyes, expose my hands and face to the sunlight(without slathering in the sunscreen) for at least 15 minutes a day, preferably before 11:30 A.M. or after 3:00 to absorb some vitamin D… take vitamin stresssupplements… and whenever a dark thought enters my mind visiolize a STOP SIGNand then mentally replace that stop sign with a picture that gives you hope… like a butterfly landing on a flower, or a grand slam home run…. Check the first inside page of your phone book for the toll free emergency mental health care crisis line….and remember quick fixes . like having a nice cold bruskie or a joint wear off and result in deeper depression because feelings are like a pendulum as high as they go up, is as low as they go down… strive for an even keel.
Does a tree fall in the forest when no one is there to make a sound?
For me this was the end. All my plans and hopes , all my nebulous dreams of the future had been cruelly dashed . I fear for my sanity.
This is the third rejection I received. Things get better. Hold on to what you believe[RA1].
How did he feel I wanted to know when a person looked at his work and said a child could do as well.
The publisher will never be fair to real artists as long as it fails to regard a work of art solely as a free and original interpretation of the artist.I’m deeply hurt but I understand, everyone including Charles my roommate says that my work is no good but that my whole work sometimes alsohas its strength and weaknesses.
Clearly the relations between I and my roommate Charles is deep and profound .I can’t think that I’ve heard such expressions of love between two people very often in my life. This roommate has kept me off drugs and living and I know I’m loved. I’m not knocking AA and NA they are fabulous for those who need them but I have had Charles to help me through.I heard someone say that self-destruction was made unnecessary because somebody really loved me and kept me living, Charles also tried to make allowances for my notorious temperament but I could tell from the look of his face that he himself felt that way that he did not understand my work and deliberately marked it down. The tears I had not shown him in my cheeks were in my voice.
Charles could not imagine whatthat was to someone who had lived such a different sort of life. I live in my own shadow , isolated , unsociable preoccupied with my own thoughts, I feel lost in the middle of a crowd , to everything I did Isought the individual everyday in every poem I worked to discuss the real person, Charles could not understand I had always written from the heart. I could not remember when I had started although my parents told me it was when I was seven years old that I was writing poems. During the years that followed writing had become a part of me , like eating, and sleepingand breathing. There had never been a doubt in my mind that someday I would be a professional writer.I wrote everyday, no matter where I was . I studied from books , I attendedlectures on writing , I took writing courses…
Still Charles was Charles .He made everything else worth it! Afterall I had to give him credit for my sobriety since I had set myself to go off the wagon though he still wanted me to go to see a psychiatrist but I did not want to go .It made me sound like some kind of freak.
“You’re wrong about that. It’s not freaks who go to the psychiatrist.It’s people who need help with their problems. And in your case you may discover the very thing you may already know. “
“But I don’tknow anything.I really don’t know anything.I would waste their time.”
“Then what about a real job?”Charles insists
“If you are good with learning fairly basic software, and you don’t have to worry about typing up your phone line for several hours at the time and can handle sitting at your computer for two to four hours minimum you might try checking www.pizzapizza.ca .They have some sub-contractors who train order-takers to work from home.Last I heard though you’d have to go to a location outside your home for the training. It depends on where you live and which sub-contractor you deal with. I would try going to the site and checking the employment opportunities linkif they still have one or call their man number during the day and find out from customer service who you can talk toSo that is all it ended up now,all my dreams all my work. I wishedI could emphasize the importance I attached to my work but I felt too depressed.Surely my dear Charles could hardly believe how difficult it was to write and place a solitary character in a story and concentrate interest in this character and keep it vital. Few weeks of work I had unleashed such fierce and war of words. I pointed out how much I respected writing with beliefs and motives and wisdom in religion.I challenged my readers to find a way to spread theChristian message in a way that inspire all of us to have more hope and joy.In my work I was defending the right of the Christian to write whatever, as well as encourage the person contemplating to write something that was helpful to them. How could I explain to Charles that what I was doing made me feel useful or that I was being helpful?
From an artistic point of view I know I have to pursue my work without regard to present circumstances Many artists ‘ work have been totally debated until the end of their lives but time did the work.What had once seemed outrageous gradually died downand revealed in the end nothing but geniuses.
What would Charles and the others think then and why did he speak out and not admit that he had been blind and unintelligent. That would be a lesson for him , perhaps it would teach him to understand that there are no rules, nor obligations of any sort, that I am bringing a liberal interpretation of life ,giving my flesh and blood becoming more positive as I became more individualistic an perfect.
Well I was still waiting for success.I didn’tthink I would ever see success but when I was dead they would realize that I saw and thought with accuracy.
Meanwhile Charles and I are being evicted at the end of the month.We don’t have enough money for the first and last month rent for a new place. I don’t have the energy to cope with all that. I tell myself to calm down and relax. We”ll have to count on the help of some charitable friend to put us up for the next month then we’ll see ...Things can’t always be gloomy.
[RA1]
Hold on to what you believe
I close my eyes, expose my hands and face to the sunlight(without slathering in the sunscreen) for at least 15 minutes a day, preferably before 11:30 A.M. or after 3:00 to absorb some vitamin D… take vitamin stresssupplements… and whenever a dark thought enters my mind visiolize a STOP SIGNand then mentally replace that stop sign with a picture that gives you hope… like a butterfly landing on a flower, or a grand slam home run…. Check the first inside page of your phone book for the toll free emergency mental health care crisis line….and remember quick fixes . like having a nice cold bruskie or a joint wear off and result in deeper depression because feelings are like a pendulum as high as they go up, is as low as they go down… strive for an even keel.
Does a tree fall in the forest when no one is there to make a sound?
For me this was the end. All my plans and hopes , all my nebulous dreams of the future had been cruelly dashed . I fear for my sanity.
This is the third rejection I received. Things get better. Hold on to what you believe[RA1].
How did he feel I wanted to know when a person looked at his work and said a child could do as well.
The publisher will never be fair to real artists as long as it fails to regard a work of art solely as a free and original interpretation of the artist.I’m deeply hurt but I understand, everyone including Charles my roommate says that my work is no good but that my whole work sometimes alsohas its strength and weaknesses.
Clearly the relations between I and my roommate Charles is deep and profound .I can’t think that I’ve heard such expressions of love between two people very often in my life. This roommate has kept me off drugs and living and I know I’m loved. I’m not knocking AA and NA they are fabulous for those who need them but I have had Charles to help me through.I heard someone say that self-destruction was made unnecessary because somebody really loved me and kept me living, Charles also tried to make allowances for my notorious temperament but I could tell from the look of his face that he himself felt that way that he did not understand my work and deliberately marked it down. The tears I had not shown him in my cheeks were in my voice.
Charles could not imagine whatthat was to someone who had lived such a different sort of life. I live in my own shadow , isolated , unsociable preoccupied with my own thoughts, I feel lost in the middle of a crowd , to everything I did Isought the individual everyday in every poem I worked to discuss the real person, Charles could not understand I had always written from the heart. I could not remember when I had started although my parents told me it was when I was seven years old that I was writing poems. During the years that followed writing had become a part of me , like eating, and sleepingand breathing. There had never been a doubt in my mind that someday I would be a professional writer.I wrote everyday, no matter where I was . I studied from books , I attendedlectures on writing , I took writing courses…
Still Charles was Charles .He made everything else worth it! Afterall I had to give him credit for my sobriety since I had set myself to go off the wagon though he still wanted me to go to see a psychiatrist but I did not want to go .It made me sound like some kind of freak.
“You’re wrong about that. It’s not freaks who go to the psychiatrist.It’s people who need help with their problems. And in your case you may discover the very thing you may already know. “
“But I don’tknow anything.I really don’t know anything.I would waste their time.”
“Then what about a real job?”Charles insists
“If you are good with learning fairly basic software, and you don’t have to worry about typing up your phone line for several hours at the time and can handle sitting at your computer for two to four hours minimum you might try checking www.pizzapizza.ca .They have some sub-contractors who train order-takers to work from home.Last I heard though you’d have to go to a location outside your home for the training. It depends on where you live and which sub-contractor you deal with. I would try going to the site and checking the employment opportunities linkif they still have one or call their man number during the day and find out from customer service who you can talk toSo that is all it ended up now,all my dreams all my work. I wishedI could emphasize the importance I attached to my work but I felt too depressed.Surely my dear Charles could hardly believe how difficult it was to write and place a solitary character in a story and concentrate interest in this character and keep it vital. Few weeks of work I had unleashed such fierce and war of words. I pointed out how much I respected writing with beliefs and motives and wisdom in religion.I challenged my readers to find a way to spread theChristian message in a way that inspire all of us to have more hope and joy.In my work I was defending the right of the Christian to write whatever, as well as encourage the person contemplating to write something that was helpful to them. How could I explain to Charles that what I was doing made me feel useful or that I was being helpful?
From an artistic point of view I know I have to pursue my work without regard to present circumstances Many artists ‘ work have been totally debated until the end of their lives but time did the work.What had once seemed outrageous gradually died downand revealed in the end nothing but geniuses.
What would Charles and the others think then and why did he speak out and not admit that he had been blind and unintelligent. That would be a lesson for him , perhaps it would teach him to understand that there are no rules, nor obligations of any sort, that I am bringing a liberal interpretation of life ,giving my flesh and blood becoming more positive as I became more individualistic an perfect.
Well I was still waiting for success.I didn’tthink I would ever see success but when I was dead they would realize that I saw and thought with accuracy.
Meanwhile Charles and I are being evicted at the end of the month.We don’t have enough money for the first and last month rent for a new place. I don’t have the energy to cope with all that. I tell myself to calm down and relax. We”ll have to count on the help of some charitable friend to put us up for the next month then we’ll see ...Things can’t always be gloomy.
[RA1]
Hold on to what you believe
I close my eyes, expose my hands and face to the sunlight(without slathering in the sunscreen) for at least 15 minutes a day, preferably before 11:30 A.M. or after 3:00 to absorb some vitamin D… take vitamin stresssupplements… and whenever a dark thought enters my mind visiolize a STOP SIGNand then mentally replace that stop sign with a picture that gives you hope… like a butterfly landing on a flower, or a grand slam home run…. Check the first inside page of your phone book for the toll free emergency mental health care crisis line….and remember quick fixes . like having a nice cold bruskie or a joint wear off and result in deeper depression because feelings are like a pendulum as high as they go up, is as low as they go down… strive for an even keel.
Does a tree fall in the forest when no one is there to make a sound?
For me this was the end. All my plans and hopes , all my nebulous dreams of the future had been cruelly dashed . I fear for my sanity.
This is the third rejection I received. Things get better. Hold on to what you believe[RA1].
How did he feel I wanted to know when a person looked at his work and said a child could do as well.
The publisher will never be fair to real artists as long as it fails to regard a work of art solely as a free and original interpretation of the artist.I’m deeply hurt but I understand, everyone including Charles my roommate says that my work is no good but that my whol


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