The Red Diary - Chapter 1

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

Every one conceals even the simplest secret. This is a story about a fragile, non-social schoolgirl and the red diary she was given by her dead grandma for times of emotional breakdowns. After the death of her mother, this girl unleashes her feelings of pain and suffering caused by her sick abusive father by writing passionately upon the frail pages of the booklet.

Present day;

Selena’s POV

I continue packing my bag for the first day of my new high school which happened to be tomorrow; a place filled with the worries of fitting in, the drama of “so called” best friends and the constant PDA of newly romantic couples. I placed my paper-filled backpack on my bed and headed towards my dresser to finish brushing my hair. I was going to go to the library so I could get a new book. I had just finished reading The Notebook and was so engaged with this author; Nicholas Sparks that I decided to buy another one. I was not a fan of love, I hated it actually, and the useless crying over someone, the constant PDA they show everywhere and it irritated me to a point where I was disgusted by it. I just thought that if I read books about it, maybe it would make me like it better but it didn’t. So I decided to just continue reading it for the sake of it, not the hope of finding love like within these books.

As I was about to reach for my hair brush I noticed a bruise along my wrist, a single tear fell from eye as the memories from the previous night replayed in my mind.

5 years ago when a fire struck my parent’s work building my mother had died, my father had survived but was diagnosed with an unknown brain damage. Once my father had found out that my mother was dead his mind developed a scene in which I was in the building and I had started that fire which caused my mother’s death. Ever since that night my father would constantly and brutally abuse me thinking that I’m the reason that my mother is dead. I have tried my best to stop it but the more I fight the harder he abuses me. The only people who knew were my neighbors as they would hear my shrill shriek as my father would abuse my body as if I were some ragdoll. They have tried to convince me many times to call the police and have my father arrested but it just wasn’t in me to do that. I had already lost my mother I didn’t want to lose my father as well; I would just have to endure the pain until my father’s health got better.

Last night I had come home late from studying at the library, my father got angry and began to swear at me and say how I hated everyone and that’s why I killed my own mother. I knew none of it was true, I was at home with my babysitter at the time but there was no use in convincing my father of that, he was mentally ill. He grabbed my wrists with such force and threw me to the ground as he began to kick my body with all his might. My cries became loud sobs and the pain was striking all over my body with immense sharpness. That night I cried myself to sleep praying that my father would go back to man I loved, the man who would always stand up for me when my mother was being unfair, the man who never stopped loving me even after all the mistakes I had made. That man was my father not this man who would physically and mentally torture me every night.

I wiped my tears and placed my brush down as I had finished brushing through my dark brown hair. I then walked over to my bed side table and took out my red diary. This diary meant everything to me; it had my deepest secrets of which I told no one. On nights when I felt trapped and my father I would write in here about my pain and how I felt, this was the only thing I had to keep me sane. I opened it, reading through the many pages of my darkest secrets and then carefully placed it back down as I headed downstairs to go to the library. My father stopped me in my place, my heart started to beat quickly worried of what his actions were going to be.

Dad: What do you think you’re wearing?

I looked down at my clothes unsure of what he was talking about. I was wearing a plain black fitted t-shirt with navy blue skinny jeans, I was sure there was nothing inappropriate about this outfit. I gazed back up at his stern face and had seen that his facial expression had not changed.

Me: What do you mean dad?

Dad: What did I tell you about calling me dad you worthless piece of shit!

A single tear falls from my eyes as those four words pierce my heart “worthless piece of shit”…I knew that ever since the accident my father has had his mind made him hate me, but it’s just so hard to not call him father.

Me: I-I’m sorry Da- I mean, I’m sorry, but why can’t I wear these clothes?

I said it as gentle as I can so it wouldn’t seem as if I was complaining.

Dad: (Grabs Selena’s wrist and points to one of her many bruises) this is why! If people see this mark on your arm, they’re going to know that I’ve been abusing you! And I am not and I repeat NOT going to jail just because I gave you what you so rightfully deserve.

My heart is shattering as continuous tears are streaming down my face. I give him a slight nod then go back upstairs to grab my wool grey sweater. I walk back downstairs and quickly rush out of the house before I have to face my father again.

1 hour later…

I unlock the door worried that my father would scream at me for being so late. I cracked open the door and said a broken “hello”. I received no response, so I walked in slowly and looked into the living room to see my two neighbors, Cathy and Steven.

Cathy and Steven had been my neighbors for a long time, they moved here the same time that we did. They were a happy couple, young, accomplished but they couldn’t have children of their own so they would treat me like their daughter. They and my parents were very close until everything happened and my father went insane. Ever since then they haven’t spoken to us a lot or they never visited. But they would always hear my cry for help when my father would torture me. One day Cathy appointed me and asked me to call the police so I wouldn’t have to have to continue living with this, but I refused knowing that I would be broken without my father even if he was the reason as to why I was so fragile.

I continued to walk in as my eyes scanned the house looking for my father.

Me: What are you guys doing here? W-Where’s my father?

I had a hesitation in my voice as I saw them give a slight exchange of looks to one another. I knew where my father was. There was no way that they would be able to sit here so peacefully if my father was here as this very moment or expected to come.

Cathy: Selena sweetie, we... (Clears throat) we, called the police and they uh…arrested your father.

They both looked at the ground like two children who had eaten the last of the cookies from the cookie jar.

My heartfelt both relieved and hurt; I was confused and couldn’t grasp what had just happened. Was I free? Or would the memories he had given me, still haunt me?

Me: H-How could you do that to me? He was my father?

The pain of being without my father had taken over and made me angry and bitter towards the people who were just trying to free me.

Steven: Sel, we were only trying to help! He would abuse you as if you were nothing, you didn’t deserve to be treated like that and we weren’t going to sit around and hear your screams every night unsure of what might happen.

I knew they were talking about him possibly killing me but although my father abused me immensely, I knew that my real father was still in there; a man would never ever possibly think of taking my life.

Selena: He would never do that to me.

I kept my face calm to make sure I wouldn’t break down crying.

Cathy: How can you just say that Selena? I understand that he’s your father and I know that you love him still even after everything he put you through but, now it’s over. You can finally get the peace that you need especially with you going to a new school tomorrow.

I knew they were both right and I was happy that I wouldn’t have to deal with abuse anymore but I was also heartbroken that I was to now survive on my own.

As if reading my mind, Cathy offered for me to stay with her for a while. I refused knowing that I couldn’t make myself a burden on them and that I truly felt more comfortable in my own home.

Cathy and Steven had gotten up as to silently announce that they were leaving, until Steven actually mentioned it.

Steven: Well, we better get going. You take care of yourself Selena and once again, try to find the positive in this. If you need anything, we’re just next door. (Placed his hand comfortingly on Selena’s shoulder)

Cathy: Make sure that you call us if you need anything and you never have to ask before you come over, just ring the doorbell. (Kisses Selena’s forehead as a tear falls from her eye.)

Me: Goodbye and thank you

I say it so softly it sounds almost inaudible, but I’m sure they hear it because they turn around and give me a sweet smile and then walk out the door.

As soon as they leave I run upstairs and into my room and tuck myself under the covers of my burgundy blanket and quietly cry myself into a peaceful nap. I was officially alone; I had no mother, no father…no one.

To Be Continued...

Submitted: March 31, 2012

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