Gone and Dead

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic

Just read and find out for yourself.

Note: I reccomend listening to Hero/Heroine when reading this. It sets the mood. If you can't read while listening to music then ignore this.



His lips part slightly, his thick eyelashes flutter softly at the graze of my hand down the length of his sharp cheekbones. I am leaning over his body, watching him sleep, peacefully. This warms my cold heart for an instant before it twists in pain. My chest shutters when his voice whispers my name. The tears are pooling in my eyes, bulging slightly until they slip over the side.
"Oh God," I moan, feeling the sob worm up my throat. I clamp my hand over my mouth as it pushes against my lips. I take a deep shaky breath, hitching a couple of times before I let the gust of air fly quietly from my mouth. 
Some would have called me selfish. Some would have glared at me in disgust if they knew I was leaving the most sweetest, caring, loving, incredible, beautiful, boy in the entire world. Knew I was leaving my entire existence.
I could hear the jeering. The snickering. The gasps. The tickers. The moans. The laughing of glee as other girls found out he would be single soon.
My arms tensed, as another sob escaped. It was loud. Adam's eyes wrenched open at the sound, searching dizzily through the subdued light at the side of the bed. The lamp's soft lighting caressed his light tan skin, enhancing his features.
My gaze flickered to the mirror behind his bed that adorned his dresser. It displayed the scene, in it's square reflection. My agonized eyes looking at myself, kneeling beside Adam's body laying on his bed. My plain face, my irritated eyes red eyes swollen around the brown. My messy brown hair that hung to my elbows, curling in wild places. 
Adam's back was to the mirror, but I could still see his tall and lean body, still wearing the day's clothing. His reddish brown hair curled sweetly around his surprised face, I noticed when I looked back to him.
His bloodshot eyes were looking up at me like I was a dream. His quiet and sweet face had turned once more tortured. The pain that weighed on my chest was unbelievable. It felt like the wind had been knocked from my lungs. One look into his glowing blue eyes had me sobbing again. This time I couldn't stop myself. 
His hands grabbed my shoulders, shaking me roughly.
"Hannah, what's wrong!?" He yelled shooting straight up so we were eye to eye. I knew his slumbering parents probably heard that, but he didn't seem to care. His hands reached for my face, reading my it. His own registered with more shock.
"Hannah, why are you here! Why are you crying?! Where have you been? Why are you here?" I didn't want to reply. I wished I hadn't woken him. God, I was an idiot. I just wanted to get one last glance at his beautiful face before I left for good.  Now I had to deal with this. 
The pain pulled at my heart again. I didn't want to tell him I would be leaving in three hours, at six, to leave forever, and to my Aunt's house on the other side of the country. I didn't want to tell him I was breaking up with him. I didn't want to tell him I loved him so much I would die for him. I didn't want to tell him I was useless, that he didn't deserve me and he didn't deserve someone who would interfere with his dreams.
"I-I-I," the answers all flew from my stomach, lodging in my throat, leaving me silent. He watched this for a moment before he leaned down to crush his lips against mine. More tears spilled from my eyes as I kissed him back. More guilt. More shame. More pain. I was only making it worse for both of us.
My arms wrapped around his neck with their own accord. Our breathing was ragged when he departed to sharply inhale for air. His eyes never left mine. He looked terrified.
"Why are you crying?" I shook my head, ducking my head so my hair could fall over my shoulders and hide me. I needed to leave. But I felt stuck. I felt stuck to his presence. Like I was a magnet. As soon as I would leave the agony would engulf me, swallowing me whole. 
"Why do you want to hurt me more?" He whispered roughly. I shook my head again, as my hands flew to my eyes. I was a selfish. So selfish. He continued. "You leave for weeks, return, tell me you will never leave again and then leave a note saying you are never coming back again?" His voice was hitching to. I didn't want to look up. I didn't want to see the pain I was inflicting.
"Don't you love me?" His voice was pleading. I looked up at his watery eyes, feeling the bile rise in my throat. I pushed the tears from my eyes frantically, climbing into his lap. His hands do not curl around me like usual but lay limply at his sides.
"I do! I do I do I DO." I sobbed. But his eyes were somewhere else, suddenly glazed over. His face dripped from the moisture in his eyes.
"You're leaving for good," he whispered so softly I could barely hear him. He didn't look over at me to see if I shook my head or not. The silence was enough. "You are breaking up with me. You are leaving me. You. . . are. . . ." His eyes slid over to mine before his hand went to touch my face. They searched hungrily over it before it dropped with a soft thud to the mattress. They were unblinking, and only staring at me with a hollowness that was far worse than his questions. I needed to leave. I had to leave. I could see myself giving in to another minute. Another hour. Another day. Another week. Another month. Another year. I could see myself veering him off the path of his dreams. See the vibrant look in his eyes begin to fade slowly until they were lifeless like they were now. My mouth reached for his for a second, before i backed up. He was still staring at me.
My feet touched the cold wooden floor, before I turned around. My eyes glued to the floor. I made my way without thinking to the window where I would climb out. Where I could reach my house; only a few feet away and through my own window. To my bed I would never sleep in again. 
"Don't go," he croaked. I didn't allow the sound to escape from my mouth. I stomped over to the window. The wind slipped through, raising goose bumps on my arms. Strange. I didn't feel it's icy touch. 
I swung one leg over the lip of the window as slowly as possible. I was taking my time. Waiting to see if he had anything else to say.
"Don't leave me," he begged. This command almost had me twirling around and into his arms. But my shaking body bent down to squeeze through. I paused at the window to whisper.

Author's Questions
I have only 1 request when reading my work. To leave a comment. I don't care if its critism or hate. I want to hear it. At least have the decency to do so. I really appreciate them. And from writer to writer, I know you do too. It helps me see what's wrong, and what I can do to improve. So please. Leave a comment telling me your honest opinion. Don't worry. I'm a big girl; I can take it. You can even leave a number, 1 through 10. 1 is awful, 10 is extraordinary. It would mean a lot.

And if it's not too much trouble, you can tell me if you want me to continue or not.

Submitted: August 06, 2011

© Copyright 2021 TheBlankThought. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:



That was good. You've captured the emotional turmoil that the guy was going through well. It's hard to write upset male characters, on account of how men are supposed to be so stoic and all, so you've managed that task with aplomb.

Thu, August 18th, 2011 5:21am


thank you so much, i appreciate it:]

Thu, August 18th, 2011 8:25pm

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