I hate you. I hate you like a woman can. I hated the way your eyes could captivate me, unrelentingly, wholly, unto you. I hated the way your laugh thrilled through me like a shot of some addicting drug. I hated your lips, so tender, so sweet, so full. You made me crazy with desire and I despised it.
I loved the way you looked at me. It said nothing but revealed all. I loved the way your hand would feel in mine, closing through each finger, holding on like you loved me. I loved looking at the stars with you, just looking and saying nothing. I loved the way you cried like you meant it. I loved the way you'd try and find me in a crowd whenever I was lost. I loved the smell of your hair, always the scent of my favorite shampoo.
My heart breaks when I think about you. Though time has passed and you and I are no longer even friends. I see you now and the pull I once felt is hollow and watered down to a weak and heart broken yearning. I see the girl who you chose and I wonder what I ever saw in you.
The memory of you is still fresh in my mind, a haunting ghost that will never go away. You see, I don't love you, but I always will. I don't love who you've become, but I always will love who you once were.
Remember when people would make fun of me for hanging out with the supposedly "gay" kid? We both know you weren't. Remember? I didn't care. You were my other half. Remember when you said we would grow old together? Remember when you said we would love together and no one would ever stop us? I was going to wait for you when I graduated and we would go to the same college and share the same classes and never leave one another.
But like all good things, it came to pass. But don't think I'll ever forget you. Don't think your voice ever stops talking, whispering to me in my sleep. Don't think almost every night I don't dream of you rushing into my arms and holding me. Don't you fucking think I will ever stop loving you.
You left scars on my body. You left your wounds, and now they bleed, crying for healing. They will never heal though.
You are poison but you are wine. Killing me but bringing exciting drunkenness to my system. You are the death of me but the life to my dry heart.
My only wish is that you are happy. And in the process you make her happy. Love her and don't break her like you did me. Whisper in her ear and mean it. Tell her you love her and stroke her hair and hold her hand when she's scared.Look into her eyes and say nothing and be contempt.
The only thing that I could say now is thank you. For bringing joy to my life. . . even if for a short time. I can never resent that. I can never resent and hate and want to kill you. Because for a short time, you brought me something no one will ever be able to. Even if I grow a hundred years old, I will never forget you. So thanks. For your poison. And thank you. For your wine.
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