An Almost Unrequited Love

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Two people affected but what they think is unrequited love, but is really just unacknowledged.

It started off as something about me, that I was writing just cuz, and then I turned it into this weird little story thing.. O.o

WARNING : Not a happy ending!!

Submitted: April 30, 2008

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Submitted: April 30, 2008

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A A A


I laughed when he told a joke, blushed when he touched my chin to make me look at him, and then frowned, when his attention turned to that girl, the other girl. The girl that has everything I have ever wanted.. him. I love him, I have always loved him. Ever since the day we first met. At first it had seemed like everything was going spendidly. We saw each other all the time, and I thought - I hoped - he loved me back. Then that one day.. The day I didn't see him. The day I thought I lost him. The day everything changed. I died inside that day.. and I die a little more every day. He never comes by anymore, he never calls anymore, hell, he never even messages me anymore. Now I wander around wondering when, if, he'll ever realize how much its hurting me to see him with that girl. Oh of course, shes perfect. She's a model and she's exactly his type.. And she makes him so happy. Thats why he doesn't know. Its because I don't wanna take that happiness away from him. It seems his happiness is dependant on my misery.

I used to dream about how I'd tell him. I'd march right up to him, and kiss his perfect lips, and make him realize exactly how much better I was then her. Then I saw reality. She's the kind of girl guys dream about, I'm just the girl next door. The cute one who's there when you need her, but not the girl you wanna spend your nights with. Funny, how, as I'm writing this he's staring at me. He knows somethings wrong, he's asked only a billion times, and I've brushed it off every time. Saying its nothing.. I'm just not feeling well. Or say I had another fight with my father, or some bull shit like that. Anything but the truth. I pull my sleeve farther down, as he walks by, trying to hide the cuts. I know if he sees them, he'll worry, I don't want him to worry. He already worries enough, and he doesn't even know the half of it.

I told him once. About how I used to cut myself, when I lived with my dad. When I had no friends, and no life, just a dad, who liked to yell at me. I haven't told him that I started again, because I can't tell him why. I can't tell him that I'm cutting myself because of him. It seems so pathetic. To do this to myself because of a guy.. but I can't stop. I keep telling myself that one day I will stop, but it never happens. I don't think it ever will. Here he comes.. I close my diary quickly.

"Hey Alex. Whats up?" He slides into the seat beside me. I can see the concern in his eyes, and I pull my sleeves down yet again. Holding them in place by making fists under the table.

"Nothing really. You?" I fake a smile. I've gotten so good at that, I should really get into acting, not writing.

"Just waiting for Alice." The smile becomes harder to keep in place, but I manage. I twist my head so my hair falls over my face, so he won't notice how hard I'm trying.

"Kewl."

"So whatcha workin on?" He reaches for my diary.

"Nothing. Just a personal response for my english class." I roll my eyes as I grab the diary first and shove it in my bag. He looks suspiscious but he knows better than to push it.

"Hey Alex. I wanted to ask you a favour." I nodd, fake smiling again. "Me and Alice are getting married and we want you to be the maid of honor." The smile on his face is so big, and I'm struggling to hold back tears.

"Oh thats so awesome." I manage to make it sound sincere, and I pull him into a hug to hide my wet eyes. "Congrats! Of course I'll be your maid of honor." My mouth says words it doesn't want to. "But I have to jet." I pull away, blinking fast.

"Mmk. I'll call ya later."

"Ok." I smile and try not to run out. As soon as I get outside the tears drop like rain. I run all the way home and pull out my trusty razor. Thank god, no one else is home yet. I slice across my arm.. The tears mixing falling on it, mixing in with the blood. The release is amazing, but its not enough. The high fades as fast as it came. So I cut, again and again, deeper and deeper.
Eventually I stop, falling on my bed, too weak to stand anymore. The tears have even stopped, all I can think of is him as my eyes close and the world goes dark.

His Version


I notice Alex sitting over there, she's writing furiously and I can tell she's upset. Her eyes are wet and she keeps grabbing her sleeves. I wonder if she started cutting again. I hope not, she almost killed herself the last time, and I'm afraid of what will happen if shes at it again. I wonder if she knows how much I love her, I wish every day I could tell her, but she seems so happy for me and Alice. It doesn't make sense to me. I always thought she cared for me.. I'm starting to think she was just faking. Now everytime I talk to her, she finds some excuse to leave. Its so frusterating.

Don't get me wrong. Alice is awesome. She's everything I've ever wanted. But she's no Alex, Alex is the one who's always been there for me. And if I wasn't so afraid of messing up our friendship I would push her up against the wall and kiss her untill we were too weak to stand. The problem is, I don't think she feels that way about me and I value her friendship more than anything. Now it seems like I don't even have that anymore. I decide I have to tell her, me and Alice are getting married, and I want her there. Its going to hurt like hell, but shes my best friend. It would hurt more for her not to be there.

"Hey Alex. Whats up?" I slide into the chair beside her and notice she's closed whatever she was working on, like she doesn't want me to see it, and she tugging on her sleeves again. Theres no doubt in my mind shes cutting again, I just wonder why.

"Nothing really. You?" She flashes me one of those dazzling smiles, and my heart starts to beat faster.

"Just waiting for Alice." The smile quivers a bit, and I can tell she doesn't like Alice, but I already knew that.

"Kewl." Her hair falls in her face, and she looks so amazing.

"So whatcha workin on?" I reach for her diary, just to see if she'll let me read it.

"Nothing. Just a personal response for my english class." She rolls her eyes and shoves the diary in her bag. I know shes lying but I decide not to push it.

"Hey Alex. I wanted to ask you a favour." Another huge smile. "Me and Alice are getting married and we want you to be the maid of honor." I smile as big as I can manage.

"Oh thats so awesome." She sounds honestly happy for me, and I feel my heart sink. I was hoping that she'd be a little unhappy or something, anything. She pulls me into a warm hug. "Congrats! Of course I'll be your maid of honor." She pulls away. "But I have to jet."

"Mmk. I'll call ya later." She walks out fast, just as Alice walks in. I tell myself that this is good news, that Alice is the one who really wants me.

*****


I call Alex's cell phone, and her roommate answers. "Hey. Is Alex there?"

"No." Her voice breaks and I hear her cry, and people crying in the background. "Alex is dead."

"What?" I feel my world start to shatter, Alex can't be dead.

"She cut her wrists when no one was home, and.." She pauses, trying to collect herself. "We didn't get to her in time."

I fall to my knees.. "Why?"

"I think you should come here and see this for yourself."

I jump in my car and head over as soon as I can see well enough to drive. Alex's roommate takes me too her room and hands me the diary from eariler. Its already opened to the page where she last wrote..

I love him, I have always loved him...



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