Ici, je suis

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
It's a compilation of the many poems I wrote while I had a lot on my mind. It's not much, but it's not bad either... The title is in French and it means "Here I Am." Enjoy. If you like it, you can email me at roxas4804@hotmail.com or amw2778@email.vccs.edu and I can email you some other stuff I've done. Look forward to future publications. *Note: This short publication includes everything from spoken word, to actual rhyming poetry, to random rants that were somewhat poetic.*

Submitted: November 21, 2011

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Submitted: November 21, 2011

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I'm Not Angry, I Am Anger

I'm not Angry, I am Anger.

Completely personified

Finally realized,

The World hating itself

Killing itself

Passively Active

Euthanasia

 

I am not Sad, I am Sadness.

The tear of the Angels above looking down at what I've done,

shaking their heads in shame

Asking, why you.

 

My grandfather looking from above, 

disappointment in his eyes,

I'm Sadness Personified

 

I am not Envious, I'm Envy

The personification of pure evil emotion.

Causing pain to all those around me,

Wanting what she has,

But never giving away the things you have,

Just because it would be nice.

 

I am not Suicidal, I am Suicide.

 

Killing myself,

Slowly but surely,

drugs, alcohol, hate, sadness, envy, and pain

run throughout me

like a Black Widows venom

slowly killing me

 

 

Dead Man Walking

I'm just a Dead Man Walking.

 

Scarred from the inside out,

Gun shot wounds, full of hate, pierce my mind.

Cuts from a knife, filled with the acid of manipulation, cit my throat.

Lashes from a whip laced with anger, scar my back.

 

Yes, I'm a Dead Man Walking,

 

I fear no evil, because I've been there

Been that

Lived It

And came out stronger.

 

You can't kill me cuz I'm already dead.

 

Fear me not,

For I would never hurt you

 

Real Lines

I use these real lines 

to help you realize

and relive the real times

 

I'm gonna just let go,

Release the things locked within my rib cage,

Let out all the sadness, hate, tears, and rage...

 

 

I wanna teach myself to live a better life,

No one could ever teach me that.

 

Want me to teach you a lesson?

Teach you about a white boy runnin the streets?

Learned how to use a gun at the age of 14?

Locked up in jails, institutions, and death.

Fluid friendships runnin in and out of my life like the cold blood streaming thru my veins.

 

I wanna get intimately closer to you.

Not your typical sexual encounter, get inside your mind, learning all I can.

Engage every thought.

 

But you DARE tell ME about a harsh life?

I haven't had it the worst, but you dare tell me you had it worse.

You must remember darling, everywhere you go, someone's had it worse than you...

 

 

So, I spit these real lines

to help you realize 

the hard times

 

 

So you never have to go there

 

Crying bloody Geisha tears

For my fallen comrades

and unrealized dreams.

 

 

Crashing together and bursting at the seams.

 

My pain goes beyond the occasional frown you see, when you ask me whats wrong...

I say nothing because to YOU, it really is,

because you have no idea

the pain

the aches

the overwhelming work load that it takes

and the shakin off snakes

 

The tears I cry, no not for you.

Don't get it twisted.

These tears are venomous, and only meant for me.

 

 

I really like this one, I'm happy for the way it turned out.

 

Dear Drugs

Dear Drugs,

 

You weasled your way into my life...

Now, slither your way back out.

You ruined friendships, destroyed the memories with my family that I never had the oppurtunity to have, but you taught me some of the greatest lessons about life.

 

I can't lie, if you were to personify, the vicious, twisted, wicked, cruel, ugly, horrendous things I would do to you, are quite undescribable.

 

 

Our relationship is bitter sweet, you know exactly how to calm me down, get me furious, keep me coming back, and how to tell someone everythign I've ever wanted them to know.

The times we had may have been fun, in the moment, but the aftershock of prison, institutions, and near death experiences, bring me pain, literally to every joint in my body.

 

The things you made me do for you, just to be able to see you again are disgusting.

 

My first love, you ruined it.

I fought that girl, used some of the harshest words known to man.

She called the cops, and left me it hurt my heart so bad,

That I was the one under cardiac arrest.

 

You knock ar my door, begging to come back in. 

And every time my dumb ass lets you back in. 

When will I learn?

 

If I Die Today

If I were to die today, how many of you would honestly care?

Would you?

How about you?

 

I envision an all white funeral, maybe a little splash of red...

I want everyone to know how I came from complete, total, black darkness to something as pure as the color white itself.

The red will signify the blood I shed to get here, where I am today.

The blood and the tears, when I spent most of my years,

crying out endless fears, chasing that with endless beers.....

 

I write and I write and I write, to get out all the pain...

It never ceases to amaze me, how much can actually be contained in a fist-sized heart...

 

But maybe, the heart is bigger than that,

Maybe the fictional, two half-circle hearts we like to imagine, really do exist....

 

Back on track, if I died today,

I'd want to be remembered as the person, who would give anything for his friend,

Just to see that they never went down the road he went.

 

I want to be remembered as someone fun, who could always make you smile.

I don't want one tear shed at my funeral...

It's a happy time, my pain is over, and I'm in a better place now.

 

If I die today, I want a reception after my funeral,

Where I'll be buried right next to my grandaddy, so I would be able to be with him,

As I wasn't allowed to be as he suffered before he died...

 

If I die today, I want my grandmother to make my family a dinner.

One like she would always make on Thanksgiving, Easter, and Christmas...

I always loved those...

 

If I was to die today,

I just want you to remember,

 

 

I Love You...

 

9.11.11

 

Monster

The Monster, The Devil, whatever you wanna call it.

Takes you for a wild one night stand, then leaves you stranded the next day.

Then he calls you back, makes you beg for him to come see you again and again

 

Body quivers, tremors racing throughout

Blood boils, brain pounds, congested.

Can't keep one thought for more than 30 seconds,

Drives you insane, but makes you want more

 

The best worst feeling of your life

Brings you up, slams you down

Elephants stampede over your body, the pain is that bad...

 

Can't be caught with the Devil, would make you look to bad....

 

 

The Devil makes you lose everything, draws you in,

You'll want nothing but him when he's done with you...

 

 

I wrote this poem about my ONE TIME experience with meth...

Tried to explain it the best I could and be as descriptive as possible.....

I hope adn pray none of you get intertwined with the Devil...

 

The Perfect Love

I wanna scream my love for you, from the highest peak I can find,

Scream it like a horror movie

Curling your blood

creating passion with a sensual type love

 

Love you like, little post-it notes all over the house,

making you guess how much I love you

 

That type of love that we used to joke about on the elementary school playground

The type of love all my friends will hate on me for,

the kind they could never find themselves...

 

I wanna love you like Dinosaurs RAWR, like crack heads like crack, and like pot heads like munchie food

 

Baby, my love for you is multi-dimesnional...

Expanding beyond everything and anyhting Aristotle could have ever thought up...

 

The Theory of Forms, if you know what it is,

Describes our love perfectly....

Plotting out every little move, our love is the perfect love.

Above all other loves, 

The "Perfect Form of Love

 

My First Poem For You

The way you make me smile

The way you make me laugh

The way you make me cry

Its all on your behalf

 

As irritable as I get

I can never stay that way

You’ve got my heart forever


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