I wrote this poem whilist at a summer camp it was actually wrote from what people would call a dream, a wish prehaps.

i would love to hear your feeback, whether negative or positive :)

Velvet Bliss
 
The whispering ocean, the smudged sand,
The salty lips, the holding hands.
The smudged ocean, the holding sand,
The whispering lips, the salty hands.
 
The burning sun, the velvet kiss,
The gentle waves, eternal bliss.
The gentle sun, the burning kiss,
The eternal waves, the velvet bliss.


Submitted: October 07, 2008

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Itsuwari

Bloody brilliant piece. The flow was great, the imagery wonderful. I love the structure and repititions. Very, very well done.

Tue, October 7th, 2008 7:39pm

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Reply

Thank you :D It really means a lot and also brightened up my day, so thanks :D

Tue, October 7th, 2008 12:45pm

AngelaSteele

Are you sure you're 11? You sound so sophisticated. I am impressed.

Sun, October 19th, 2008 3:57am

Author
Reply

I'm in year 11 :P
i think i' guna have to change my bio :)
Thanks!

Sun, October 19th, 2008 1:03am

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