Addictions are hard to release

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
One of my actual experiences. Explains one of my relapses. Enjoy!

Submitted: October 26, 2011

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Submitted: October 26, 2011

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She sighs, sitting in the fetal position on her bed. She doesn't know how much more of this she can take. She tugs the sleeve of her black sweater down, covering the scars that lie on her arm. No one understands, no one gets her pain. The razor sits on the edge of the mattress, only a few feet away, one cut. That's all she needs. Then she won't go back. Just ONE more. It'll help. With no other thought in her head, she reaches for the razor. It rests in her palm, cold and gleaming. The sun catches it, and it looks so beautiful. She sucks in a deep breath, preparing herself for what she's about to do. grabbing the dull end, she slides the blade smoothly against her skin. The skin opens easily and blood starts pouring out. She feels the ultimate bliss and closes her eyes, drowning in it. Knowing it'll be over all too soon, she glides it across again, quickly. This one is much deeper than the last. She feels ecstatic. Better than she has in a long time. She goes over her wrist once more, before moving on to her stomach. This routine she knows all too well. She sees the small dip of her stomach and sighs in frustration. She whispers almost silently, "This is what I deserve. I shouldn't be alive. I shouldn't be able to eat. I'm just a fatass." She then slides the razor quickly over her stomach, making a deep cut, she gasps in pain and waits for the bliss. When it comes she feels amazing. This addiction has been so hard to stop. Why should she? It feels so good to slice the razor over her skin again and again. But then she remembers why she's quitting. People are worried. Sam wants to tell. She can't have that. She won't go to rehab. She wraps up the razor, hiding it in a placeno one would think to look. Then she bandages her wrist, pressing a cool rag to her stomach. She knows what she did was wrong, but it's an addiction. It's almost as bad as drugs, except this one leaves scars. And they don't go away. She needs help.She just doesn't want it.


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