Jim The Fedora

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is a comedy shoer about a one-night adventure of Jim the fedora. Enjoy!

Submitted: January 16, 2015

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Submitted: January 16, 2015



Albert was in his bad, waking up. He vaguely remembered a dream of him kissing Emma Watson, but he feared to remember what happened next afraid he might not want to leave the bed. Though his blissful thought wouldn't last forever he enjoyed them while they were there. The Alarm on his phone was ringing for half an hour now but Albert couldn't find the inspiration in him to turn it off, or press the snooze button. of course even if he wanted to with this new touchscreen technology humans invented he had little chance of pressing the right corner of the screen. So he just stayed in bed reliving the dream of kissing Emma Watson until he fell asleep again. 

A few hours passed since Albert returned to the dream world, and now he was waking up again. The alarm on his phone was off since the battery went out a few hours ago. As usual he was late for work, which didn't really matter because he worked as a journalist. Albert jumped to his feet and started to panic. He didn;t know the time but he knew he was late. He put on his jeans, a white plain shirt and a fedora that said: "I work as an amateur journalist" Well it didn';t really say that but it might as well have. However this story is not about Albert, oh no not at all. This story is about his fedora. For our porpoises we'll call it Jim. So Albert put Jim the fedora on his head, and left to find some interesting stories that he could publish online.

Albert got out of the house, the day was beautiful, the sun blocked by the fumes of cars, the clouds were pure grey and the cheerful sounds of traffic overwhelmed the city. Albert liked it here, but Jim the fedora didn't.  He never liked this place, he never liked Albert not his job, Jim the fedora wanted something bigger, something grander! Like a burger! Albert made his way down to the square, a lot of people were there for an event Albert wasn't informed about. Which wasn't unusual because he's a journalist.  The event was a feminist rally. Albert didn';t like the feminist, one bit him once. So he wanted to get away from there, but Jim the fedora didn't. All he wanted was to stay here far away from the busy streets. So Jim the fedora fell off Albert's hat fell from Albert's head as he walked away to find a new story to write about and take some pretty pictures. Jim the fedora stayed there on the street for some time. The feminists all around him didn't want to wear a fedora. -How strange- thought Jim -I thought everyone liked fedoras- The night fell and the feminists all went home to their Tumblr, and Jim was left all alone on the square. Suddenly a hand picked him up, it was a man.His was tall and manlike, his muscles sticking out of his ribs. He was also black. Jim the fedora was afraid of black man, while he was with Albert he saw a lot of Fox News reports.  The black man, who from now on we'll reefer to as Jo for political correctness reasons, put Jim on his bold head. Jim was never before on a bold head and thought it was quite a new experience. Jo walked down a dark ally, and than another dark all filled with ladies dressed like they were in the shower, and another with guys dressed as Eminem. And than another that was empty, until he reached a small green door. Jo opened the door and entered a dark staircase. He went down further and further. And father he wend the more anxious Jim became. Finally they came to a large room ,with pink walls. It didn;t take much for Jim to realize that they were at a My Little Pony fan club. Since Albert quite enjoyed watching the show. However Jim the fedora was very scared now, since everyone there was a big manly black dude. Jo wasn;t scared he met some of his friend at the bar. Unfortunately only things that were sold there were My Little Pony toys and collectibles and soft drinks. Jo drank and drank, and just kept on talking and talking. And Jim the fedora found everything here very boring. He never went to a club, except for that one time when he was just a young kid fedora that accidentally ran into a strip club.But the atmosphere here was totally different. Everything was so very....PINK! Jim decided he wanted to leave, so he fell off his owners skull again. Jim now felt like hitchhiker, just looking for heads to ride on and see the world! That;s the spirit Jim! Jim stayed there on the floor for a few minutes alone with his thoughts. He thought about a lot of stuff. Like how there weren't any girls here, strange he though. He also questioned his sexuality, yes he was a fedora he had no sexuality but than again who are you to judge him! Jim the fedora decided in that small My Little Pony fan club that he was a straight/gay bisexual with asexual tendencies. He was comfortable with that. Suddenly someone picked him up again. It was another black guy, this time a skinny one which Jim the fedora found slightly less frightening. He put Jim on his head and got out of the club, going back through all those allies and back to the square, and from there he made made it down to another door, not bigger than the last one, but this one was red, Jim's favorite color. Jim and the new lack guy, who we will call Karl, entered the door. This time there was no staircase, just whips and handcuffs. They seemed to have entered a dominatrix's workshop. Karl made his way to the big hall with toys and than to a door with a sigh: "411B" he entered into what seemed to be a dungeon. There an attractive young woman waited for him. "Hello there" The woman spoke in a Russian accent. Hello mistress." Said Karl, Were you a bad boy? Do you need to be punished?" Said the sexy Russian woman who will in a few moments be breaking karl's balls. "Yes mistress." Karl said foolishly and out Jim the fedora on a table. Jim liked whatever was going on, he would have gotten an erection, if he had a penis. The "Playing" Lasted a few hours, during which the sexy Russian dominatrix broke Karl's balls, had anal sex with him with a dildo, and did some weird stiff with a My Little Pony doll, that Jim couldn't understand. At the end the sexy Russian lady locked Karl in a device that was made to stop him from jerking off, and had him pay her a ridiculous amount of money before he left. Jim and Karl were outside again, and the sun was starting to rise.

-I Had a great time, but I would really love to return to Albert now.- Thought Jim. Suddenly the wind blew Jim off Karl's head. And Jim flew and flew and he flew through an opened window of a house. And laded right on the night table. Soon Jim heard the alarm ringing, it kept ringing for hours and hours, until finally the battery was dead. "Oh there;s my fedora!" Jim heard Albert say as he was getting ready for work. And Jim the fedora was happy wiht himself once more.

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