Weight of words

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic


What if this was the case, what if my feelings met reality

Submitted: January 19, 2018

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Submitted: January 19, 2018

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I’m counting down the days and I’m thinking of the ways that you will set yourself free, you love him more than me, the words falling from your mouth like a backpack off of a young student, finally free of the weight that has been attached to you far longer than you had ever hoped or even guessed, but at least you’re honest, and I can promise I’ll be watching your lips move as those words fall out and I’ll be thinking “is now a bad time for a kiss?” I have learned that love is hit and miss, it’s yes and no and let’s go slow, the middle ground is more of a battleground of emotion and wonders. “Why won’t you love me..?” “What don’t I have..?” By the time you are through saying what you have to say my heart will be trying to use my toenail as a shield against the inevitable pain, “I will never stop wearing the ring that shows I’m yours” “I will never belong to another for I as promised am forever yours” a tear rolls down your cheek and all I want to do is catch it and make that tear cry for causing you pain, but it’s not the tear that is making things hard, it’s the realization of truth catching us off guard. “We can work through this” “I promise I’ll be what you deserve” but I’ll never be him.. my mind at this point will be like a storm that will uproot my common sense and demolish my ability to speak. So there I stand, right in front of forever watching it slowly fade away. “I knew that forever would come and go fast, but I never would have thought it would be like this” “it was supposed to be an eternity of bliss”. Don’t worry, I’ll cry too, crumpling like a piece of paper left in the rain with nothing but sorrow rolling down my cheeks, I’ll try to understand but the storm will be too strong, I’ll try to make sense of it but by then I will be gone, my brain no longer sending signals but instead lying dormant. “Why..?” I’m so fucking sorry..” “I need you...” all the pleading will give me a deeper understanding of what it must have been like back when people were hung for their preference, I know it’s not supposed to be easy, but I’ve never been good at dealing with reality. “I’m married, we are just going through a rough patch” the ring gives me hope”. Something so small can be a tank when needs be and now I need it, each and every day looking at the pictures and wondering if the smile was ever real, wondering if the laughs and the I love you’s ever had any weight. “Please just tell me you love me one last time” “Please...give me hope” all the tears could form a pool on the ground, and right now it might as well because I’m about to drown, it used to be you would pull me out of the depths and breathe life into my lungs, but now my safety device is failing and I’m left falling into depths I never knew existed. “I will always be yours” I hope he treats you right” I’ll be fine” all but the first being the things you want to hear. “As long as you are happy” As long as you can smile again” “As long as he treats you better than I did..” the words will leave my mouth like air, casually floating to the ceiling and popping as they hit the roof. 

 


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