The Fanfic to End All Fanfics

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fan Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
As the title says, this is the FANFIC TO END ALL FANFICS! It is basically a parody of every fanfic ever, based on the anime 'Ouran High School Host Club'.

This fanfic combines all the true things that make a good fanfic (However few there may be). It is so full of 'WTF just happened?' moments that by the end of the fanfic you will be wondering if this is even the same anime I started fanficing about in the first place... Yet, at the same time, it is so epically random that you can't help but love it.

So, to get this clear, before you complain 'What the Hell does any of this have to do with Ouran?' or 'Why isn't Haruhi in this?' and 'What the heck was that?' just remember... This isn't supposed to make sense. If it doesn't, that's just natural.

Submitted: June 03, 2009

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Submitted: June 03, 2009



It was a calm day in Ouran Academy. The kind of day that made you want to do something. The Ouran Host Club was sitting in the music room where they usually met, and Tamaki was staring out the window at the other students who were hustling and bustling about.

He stood up. "Men!" he said, "Today, after school lets out, the Ouran Host Club is going on a field trip!"

Kyoya, who was sitting at the table, looked up at Tamaki. "Don't be getting any ideas..." he said, "We're still short on money from that party you had last week... The one with the panda..."

Tamaki cringed at the mere mention of the party. Never in all his life had he seen so much destruction, caused by so cute an animal. He cleared his throat before responding. "No..." he said, "This will cost no money! We are going to the library!"

Most of the club sat there, unaffected by Tamaki's statement. The other members weren't particularly interested in this 'Field trip' as Tamaki called it.

"Come on!" Tamaki said, "Get excited! This is going to be great!"

The twins, who were sitting at the back of the room, yawned, Hunny and Mori continued with the tea party they were having (Which was, of course, Hunny's idea), and Kyoya continued sitting at the table calculating how much money they had gained that day.

"Hey!" Tamaki said, "Listen! I am the Host Club king, and you shall do as I say!"

The members shrugged, and looked at eachother to see if anyone had an idea on how to get out of this, but no one had more power over Tamaki's decisions, once he set his mind to something. "Alright," Kyoya said finally, "We'll go to the library after school lets out. If I'm correct, there should be one right down the street from Haruhi's house."

"It's a shame Haru-chan was sick today..." Hunny said, "She would have loved this."

"Yeah..." Mori said casually.

Later that day, once school let out, the Host Club was ready to head off for the library. They had to walk there, seeing as how none of their chauffers were familiar with that area of town, but they seemed to enjoy it.

Tamaki sighed. "Ha! What a beautiful day to have a nice walk outside!"

Hikaru and Kaoru were looking around at the town as they walked. "I can't believe they have so many of these commoner houses cramped into such a small area..." Hikaru said.

"Yes... Commoners tend to care more about how things cost than how elegant they are..." Kyoya said, "These 'apartments' as they call them are cheap, so Commoners don't really mind how small and cramped they are."

Once they arrived at the library, the members of the club immediately split up into groups. Tamaki went straight to the counter to ask where each section was, even though they were all clearly visible and marked with signs. Hunny and Mori walked over to the picture books, where Hunny could barely contain himself due to all the cute animals on the cover of each book. The twins and Kyoya both decided to search through each section in order, starting in the frontmost section and working their way back.

By the time they had worked their way to the mystery section, Tamaki had already finished with his discussion and joined them. There were very few people in the library, and the few that were there were in different sections.

Kaoru picked up a book. "Hey, Hikaru!" he called, "Look at this, 'The Doppelganger'..."

Hikaru joined his brother. "Oh yeah? Isn't a Doppelganger some sort of evil clone or something?"

"Pretty much..." Kaoru said, immediately flipping to the back of the book. "Hey, look at this... In this part the heroine has to determine which one of the doubles is the real one... Doesn't that remind you of something?" He turned to Hikaru, and smiled devilishly.

Two seconds later, the twins had put their plan into action. Hikaru ran up beside Kyoya and grabbed his glasses.

"Hey!" Kyoya said, "Give me those back!"

"Alright... But first..." Hikaru replied, just as Kaoru ran up, "You have to play the 'Which One Is Hikaru' game!"

The next thing Kyoya knew, the two had put on their hats, tossed his glasses back and forth a few times, and moved around so that he couldn't tell which one was which.

Kyoya sighed. He pointed at Hikaru. "You're Hikaru... And the other is Kaoru... Now can I please have my hat back?"

The twins couldn't believe that Kyoya had told them apart. "H-how did you know that!?" Hikaru yelled.

"I could always tell..." Kyoya said, "You just never asked until now... Also, don't you know it's rude to shout in a library?"

Hikaru and Kaoru were shocked. First Haruhi was able to distinguish them, and now Kyoya?

"It... It's not possible..." Kaoru said, falling to his knees.

"It's not that difficult really..." Kyoya said, "I don't see why this is a big deal."

"No... No..." Kaoru continued to mumble.

"You... You just be quiet! You have no idea how big a deal it is!" Hikaru yelled.

"And why exactly is it such a big deal?"

"Just... Just shut up!" Hikaru screamed.

Suddenly, the ground started to tremble. Kaoru stood up. "If anyone can tell us apart..." he said, "Then they will know which one is me..." When he said 'Me', his voice changed dramatically, into a sort of low-pitched growl. That of a monster.

Then, the rest of Kaoru started changing. His skin started to turn a dull gray color. His hair changed color as well. He started growing taller. He walked up to Kyoya and yelled at him, "This is why that is a big deal!"

Suddenly, Kaoru pulled out a sword. He swung it at Kyoya. Kyoya fell backwards onto the ground with a hard thump in an attempt to dodge it. "Damn it!" he thought, "What the Hell happened to Kaoru?!"

"Hikaru!" Kaoru yelled, upon which his brother walked up to him. Hikaru touched his now demonic brother on the shoulder and suddenly disappeared. The next thing Kyoya knew, Kaoru was growing again.

Kyoya turned around and ran. He turned the corner into the next aisle of books. He looked through the slight gaps in the books and saw Kaoru's new, fully-developed form. Kaoru was nearly 5 inches taller than him now. Before he could think of what to do next, Kaoru immediately thrust his sword through the books, nearly hitting Kyoya.

Kyoya jumped out of the way of Kaoru's sword just in time. "Damn it!" he thought, "Tamaki's still over there with him!" He had no time to worry about him though, because ten seconds later, another blow came through the shelf, nearly hitting him.

He turned around and started running, but turned around upon hearing a crash. He saw Kaoru, who had busted a hole in the bookshelf, and was now coming straight at him. He rolled backwards out of the aisle, and started running down the edge of the mystery section towards the corner of the library. "Tamaki must still be back in the first aisle..." he said to himself, "He should be safe now..."

Suddenly, Kyoya heard a clang from behind him. He turned around and saw Mori dueling against Kaoru, Hunny on his shoulders. He sat there watching clang after clang of colliding swords, until he finally asked, "Mori! What are you doing here!?"

"I heard a crash..." he said, "So I decided to investigate..."

"Are the other people here safe?" Kyoya asked.

"Yes..." Mori replied, "I told the other people... Along with Tamaki... to evacuate the building, and warned the librarian what had happened..."

"How did you even know what happened?"

"I've seen this before..."

Kyoya was dumbfounded. "When was this!?"

"About a month ago... I saw Kaoru in an alley on the drive home, his body disfigured like it is now..."

"I knew it!" Kaoru said, "I thought that was you!" The two were still battling, so it was odd to hear Kaoru speak like that without stopping his pace.

Suddenly, Mori jumped backwards. "Mitsukuni! Now!" He yelled. it was the first time Kyoya had heard Mori talk in anything other than his normal monotone.

Upon hearing Mori's command, Hunny jumped off of his cousin's shoulders and straight towards Kaoru. He pulled his arm back and recited a bizarre incantation. He then struck Kaoru right across the forehead with his palm. There was a bright flash of light, and when it cleared, Kyoya could see Hikaru and Kaoru- Both back to normal- laying on the floor. Hunny was holding a weird, almost ghost-like being in his hand, grasping on firmly. He recited some more incantations and the being disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Relax..." Mori, who was now standing next to Kyoya, said, "It's over... The thing that was in Kaoru is gone... They will wake up in an hour or so, completely forgetting this ever happened..."

"W-what... What was that?" Kyoya stammered, looking at Mori.

"It's a Haninozuka family technique for exorcising evil spirits, like the one that was in Kaoru..." Mori explained, "Judging by how large it was, it was probably part of the twins for a long time... Probably since they were born..."

"If they've had this spirit since before they were born... Won't removing it affect their personality..."

"No, they'll act just like they normally do... Once they wake up, that is..."

"I... I don't understand..." Kyoya said.

"You don't have to..." Hunny said, walking towards him, and placing his hand on his forehead, "You just have to forget..." After that, Hunny recited more incantations, and Kyoya fell into a deep sleep, just like Tamaki, the librarian, and anyone who was in the library had before him.

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