Uncle Braddy's Fairly F*cked-Up Fairy Tales- The Tale Of The Creepy-Ass Dream Lady

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Once again, I delve into the realm of the fairly f*cked-up fairy tale! This one is my adaptation of a folk-tale that severaly scarred my 8-year-old brain when I first read it! Hooray!

(Note: Once again, the story is uncensored, so if you don't enjoy some random kid you don't know cussing you out, then don't read this)

Submitted: September 16, 2009

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Submitted: September 16, 2009



  Once upon a time there was a happy artist girl who lived in the magical land of Ohio! This artist girl was incredibly dumb, and rarely did anything that even hinted at her even having a logical bone in her body. She was lucky she was a good artist, otherwise she would be unable to keep a steady job, and would be forced to live on the streets because she never went to college, and probably never even passed High School.

  Anyway, one day, she decided that she should take a vacation. She had decided to go to Paris, because all freelance artists have enough of a steady income to go to Paris. She had her entire vacation planned out.

  However, about a week before she was going to go, she had a dream. In this dream, she found herself in some creepy-ass hotel, walking up a bunch of spiraling stairs that desperately needed oil. At the top of the stairs, there was a door, because all good hotels come completely stocked with one fucking room.

  She opened the door to the room and saw a red rug (No relation to REDRUM), a moth-hole covered four-post bed, and a boarded up window. Now, by this point, most people would leave because it's obvious this hotel fucking sucks, but our genius artisan decides to walk over to the bed and just lay down.

After a few minutes or so of sleeping she hears a voice. She opens her eyes to see a random creepy-ass naked lady staring right fucking at her! Now, in most stories, some naked lady hovering over your bed is a good thing, but in this case it's just fucking creepy. Like, seriously, if you saw the picture of this lady that was in the book with the 'Original' story, you would be scarred for life.

  Anyway, that's not important right now. The lady continued to stare at the artist girl, who I have decided to just call Petunia, and said "Leave this place... It is a place of evil..."

  Petunia then woke up. This is good, because I was never able to look at this lady for anything over 5 seconds without huddling into fetal position and crying in a corner.

  Petunia talked to her friend the next day about how she felt she shouldn't go to Paris because of that dream. So, the friend suggests she go to Chicago, because Chicago has much less creepy, run-down hotels than Paris does.

  Anyway, Petunia feels that this is good idea (Because she's an idiot), so she leaves immediately. Upon arriving at Chicago, she finds a hotel and checks in.

  It was a small run-down hotel, run by a wrinkly old lady. The old lady led Petunia up a creaky spiral staircase (Which is TOTALLY not the same exact staircase from the dream), and shows her a room... A room with a red rug, a moth-hole covered four-post bed, and a boarded up window (Totally coincidental...).

  Anyway, Petunia just walks calmly over to the bed and lays down, because, like I mentioned before, she is completely brain-dead. The old lady then shuts tthe door, saying that she'll bring tea up later.

  So, after the lady leaves, Petunia falls asleep for a few hours. She wakes up and hears a knock on the door. She figures it's the lady with the tea, seeing as how all tea takes hours to make (By this time, I would have left because of the fucking terrible service...).

  She gets up and walks to the door... Opens it up... AND GUESS WHO'S MOTHER-FUCKING THERE!!!

  That's fucking right! It's the creepy-ass lady!

  Petunia finally realizes that this is totally obviously the same hotel from her dream, and somehow checks out with no problem even though the hotel is evil and there was a creepy-ass naked ghost in the doorway.

  The moral of this story: If you're an idiot, then it takes a Hell of a lot of evidence before you accept something. 

Authors note: If you want to see the original picture, then go to Google and look up 'Stephen Gammell The Dream', then skip to the third page... Congratulations! You're now officially scarred for life! Now go away...

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