The Adventures of the Archangel Aubidray and Emo Kid

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
A humorous, and in slightly bad taste, tale of a teenage emo who dies and meets the Angel of Death

Submitted: July 12, 2008

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Submitted: July 12, 2008

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I wish my grass was emo so that it could cut itself…
 
***
To cut or not cut; that it the question
 
Dear diary,
Today I finally worked up enough nerve to cut myself. It had taken much mental preparation but I was at last able to gather up enough nerve to take a razor blade from the bathroom and have a go at my arm. It hurt really bad; so I don’t think that I will be doing it again any time soon…
Write again later,
Emo Kid
 
***
Josh had once been your everyday, average kid. He had had blond hair and blue eyes and lived in a large house that had a big lawn and a white picket fence. He was the pride and joy of his parents and couldn’t be a happier child. That was until, at the age of five, he happened across the movie Bambi. It was after watching this that he was forever emotionally scarred. He subsequently became a die-hard Emo. At the age of fourteen he dyed his sunshine-blond hair black, started smoking and wearing eyeliner. He also developed the disturbing habit of staring at people in a horror-movie like manner before actually talking to them. At the age of seventeen he was drinking wildly and had earned himself the nickname of Emo Kid. He never wore any colour except black upon his person and preferred to keep his own company. It was thus that he was crossing the street by himself listening to emo music. If he had had a companion with him he may have been alerted to the large automobile that was hurtling towards him, but he was not. As one can imagine, being hit by a car that was travelling at over a hundred kilometers and hour was quite painful, but Emo Kid was not to endure it for long. He was soon engulfed by the final darkness. Being a true Emo, he did not do anything about his present situation; he merely sat there and contemplated the horribleness of life, the universe and everything. It was then that a very cultured British accent cut through the air.
“Oh great,” It said, “Looks like I’ve got another Einstein here! Kid, it would really help if you took that jacket off of your head.”
Emo Kid frowned, touched his hand to his face and, lo-and-behold, his jacket was actually over his head. He pulled it off and found himself staring out over a rather unrealistic grassy knoll. He also found himself staring at what could be referred to as a ridiculously handsome young man. He had blond hair and too-blue eyes. He was wearing a smart black business suit with a black silk tie and waist coat. He looked quite holy with an unnatural wind blowing through his hair and a bright light shining from right behind his head.
“Do not be afraid,” the young man said commandingly, “I am the Archangel Aubidray; and I am an Angel of Death.”
“No you’re not.” Emo Kid replied rudely.
 “Yes I am,” Aubidray shot back indignantly.
“No you’re not.”
“Yes I am!”
“No you’re not.”
“Yes I am!”
“No you’re not.”
“Yes I am!”
“No you’re not.”
“Yes I am!”
“No you’re not.”
“Yes I am!”
“No you’re not.”
“Yes I am!”
“No you’re not.”
“Yes I am!”
“No you’re not.”
“Yes I am!”
“No you’re not.”
“Yes I am!”
“No you’re not.”
“Yes I am!”
“No you’re not.”
“Yes I am!”
“No you’re not.”
“Yes I am!”
The holy effects wore off and Aubidray put his hands on his hips angrily.
“I shall not suffer such insult from a mere mortal,” he hissed, “I have been an Archangel of Death for longer than you, or your parents or your grandparents’ parents have existed!”
Emo Kid gave him his horror-movie stare before replying.
“An angel has a halo and wings; you have neither,” he replied, “and, as far as I know, the grim reaper is a skeleton.”
“I didn’t say that I was the grim reaper did I?” Aubidray retorted, “And I do have wings!”
“No you don’t.”
“Yes I do!”
“No you don’t.”
“Yes I do!”
“No you don’t.”
“Yes I do!”
“No you don’t.”
“Yes I do!”
“No you don’t.”
“Yes I do!”
“No you don’t.”
“Yes I do!”
“No you don’t.”
“Yes I do!”
“No you don’t.”
“Yes I do!”
“No you don’t.”
“Yes I do!”
“No you don’t.”
“Yes I do!”
“No you don’t.”
“Yes I do!”
“No you don’t.”
“Yes I do!”
“Cease demon!” Aubidray hissed in contempt, “Fine then! You can see the wings, but the halo’s at the drycleaners.”
With that he snapped his fingers and in the blink of an eye he had a set of brilliant, pristine white wings.
Emo Kid gave Aubidray his hellish-stare again.
“Oh, you are an angel.”
“You are a freaky child, aren’t you?” Aubidray mused, “I suppose, being an angel and all, I should probably help you out, huh?”
“Help me out?” Emo Kid queried.
“You need to learn how to smile,” Aubidray declared.
Emo Kid simply stared at him.
“Anyway,” Aubidray continued, “As my good dead for the day, I will brighten up your pathetic emo existence by teaching you how to smile.”
He walked towards Emo Kid and pulled him up roughly by the arm.
“And to do this, I will teach you the lesson of Mona Lisa’s smile.”
“But she’s dead,” Emo Kid replied blankly.
“And I’m an Angel of Death,” Aubidray replied curtly.
With that he summoned a large mean looking scythe, and with an easy flick of his wrist the grassy knoll disappeared. For a moment there was naught but darkness, but soon they found themselves in Leonardo da Vinci’s studio.
“Wow,” Emo Kid said unenthusiastically, “This is, like, history.”
Aubidray frowned, “You humans are all the same. Here you are experiencing one of the most fantastic things that will ever happen in your dull and idiotic life, and all you can say is: “Wow, this is, like, history.”
Emo Kid just stared at him blankly.
“Darn it, it’s at times like these that I wish I could swear!” Aubidray complained, “I really hate humans.”
For a moment they just stood there and watched Leonardo paint.
Emo Kid yawned, “Is there a point to this?”
“Of course,” Aubidray replied, “Did you know that Mona Lisa never smiled?”
“But she’s smiling at the moment,” Emo Kid noted nonchalantly.
“Yes, but it took a lot of convincing before she did,” Aubidray explained.
“Did Leonardo convince her?”
“No,” Aubidray replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm, “It was St Andrew the patron saint of Scotland.”
Emo Kid shot Aubidray his creepy stare again.
“There’s no need to be sarcastic,” he sniffed.
Aubidray sighed, “In any case, do you know how Leonardo made a woman who would not smile, smile?”
“No,” Emo Kid answered.
“That was a rhetorical question,” Aubidray chided, “I know perfectly well that you do not know the answer. Nevertheless, before Mona Lisa met Da Vinci not a smile crossed her lips. She wore the same, slightly bored, expression. Come hell or high water she neither smiled nor frowned.”
As Aubidray spoke these words the appropriate images flashed before Emo Kid’s eyes.
“One day Mr. Da Vinci spotted our lady friend in a large crowd and knew at once that he must paint her. The only problem was that she would not smile. The painter tried many a different and elaborate method to get her to smile, but all failed,” Aubidray continued, “But then he got an idea. He took her to his studio and began showing her the beauty of the world. He showed her the great forests, and the wondrous oceans that spread out as far as the eye could see. He showed her the ice caps and the great deserts as well as all the wondrous creatures that inhabit these places. When he finished showing her all these things he turned to look at her, and to his delight she was smiling broadly.”
Emo Kid frowned, “Really?”
Aubidray cursed internally, he had banked on Emo Kid not questioning him. Since he was an angel he could not lie, so he had no choice but to tell Emo Kid the truth.
“No, not really,” Aubidray said grudgingly, “He made her an offer that she couldn’t refuse, but that’s not the point, it’s the principle of the thing. You see, the world aint that a depressing a place, you just need to smile every once in a while. After all, it’s not like something bad is going to happen to you if you do.”
Emo Kid nodded, “I think that I understand.”
“Good,” Aubidray smiled, “For this reason I have decided to give you a second chance at life, so that you can live it better.”
With that everything went out of focus and after a few moments, Emo Kid found himself standing on the pavement getting ready to cross the road. He immediately pulled the earphones out of his ears and took a good look at the world. It had just rained and everything seemed very clean and new. As he regarded his surroundings a smile began to creep across his lips.
”Maybe the world isn’t so bad after all,” He thought, “There might even be a lot to smile about. And maybe, just maybe I don’t have to be-“
As he had been having a major revelation, he had failed to notice the car that was hurtling down the road at break-neck speed. Thus, as he was about to have the greatest revelation in his life, the car hit a large puddle in the road and soaked him in mucky water. The smile fell from his face and he put the earphones back in his ears.
“It’s not like something bad is going to happen to you,” He said, doing a perfect impression of Aubidray’s posh accent, “Ya right!”
He then lit up a cigarette and went home.


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