The Unemployed Resume

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Several persons' resume. SMH

Submitted: December 26, 2014

A A A | A A A

Submitted: December 26, 2014



1342 Anyplace Lane, Southeast, US 20000·865-675-6933·

Unemployed Man


To find a position that will pay me at least $15 an hour and require me on average to work no more than 45 hours a week. Lengthy negotiation will be undertaken if offered salary position.


Aug. 2013 – Present Self-EmployedSoutheast, US

Basic Computer Games Czar

  • Claimed a 9% winning percentage on Solitaire(Solitaire has grown in difficulty since the last

time I seriously played it in 1995)

  • Performed competitively on level seven of Chess Titan

Aug. 2013 – PresentSelf-EmployedSoutheast, US


  • Counseled a depressed person for fifteen minutes between the hours of 7 and 9 each morning except for some weekends
  • Created activities to prevent depressed person from becoming suicidal

  Aug. 2013 – Oct. 2013Network TelevisionSoutheast, US

Daytime Television Commercial Analyst

  • Analyzed and scrutinized daytime television advertisement (Some companies are shameless)
  • Deducted that 70% of people that watch daytime television are in need of a lawyer

May 2011 – Aug. 2013Retail HellSoutheast, US

Various Positions

  • Allowed ambition to erode
  • Completed assignments no matter how long it took without an adjustment in pay (Salaried positions are a hindrance to  the job market)
  • Completed typical retail tasks for less than ten dollars an hour (Part-time employment when seeking full-time employment is a joke. You have just enough money to get to work and feed yourself.)

Dec. 2010 – PresentSelf-EmployedSoutheast, US

Job Applicant

  • Submitted one thousand applications to various industries and professions
  • Obtained twenty-five interviews (Thank you to all human resource personal who decided I wasn’t what they were looking for over the phone and shame on the ones that wasted my gas)
  • Continued to submit applications (I have my fingers crossed  :\\ ) 

Aug. 2013 – PresentSelf-EmployedSoutheast, US

Author (Purposely Out of Order)

  • If every anchor on every National Morning Television Show can write a book so can I
  • Checkout my book Generational Heist at


April 2011Paid Too Much or Not Enough UniversitySoutheast, US

Bachelor of Science in not Accounting, Computer Science or Engineering

  • Minor in English

May 2007Graduate of Enough Education for the Current Job Market High SchoolSoutheast, US



References and the More Descriptive Unemployed Resume are available in the book Generational Heist.


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