"She paints a pretty picture but this picture has a twist you see, her paint brush is a razor and her canvas is her wrist she paints her pretty picture in a color thats blood red, and while using her shape paint brush she finally ends up dead, her pretty picture is fading quite slowly on her arm the blood is not racing through her she can no longer do harm, she painted a pretty picture but her picture had a twist...her mind was the razor and her heart was her wrist..." this is the poem by Amy Efaw that describes my dreadful life in a nut shell. My life is somewhat like a maze that never ends..full of sorrow and pity from the ones that know my story. You know that look of shame your parents give you when they are disappointed? I see that from them all the time from them now since they know their little princess is a bulimic cutter. I dont like to tell people my story becuase its always the same response "why do you do that?" or "You're MUCH better than that" but truthfully i wasnt, i was worthless, and my life was a blackhole sucking in all the happiness around me and people started to notice. My daily routine was Starve, Cut, Purge and repeat, it was funny that i thought i was helping myself but truly i was distroing my own body...the purging was hard on my body, my hair starting falling out my skin turned pale and i dropped a lot of weight. i went from 110 to 100 pounds in a week, i was dying from the inside out. Well my purging started when i was about 10 and in the 5th grade, i felt huge everyone else was 95 pounds or below and i was into triple digits, i felt fat...people would make stupid remarks about how they where smaller and cutier than i was, my weight really conserned me, at 11 i was coverd in scars and regret...my parents didnt find out until i was 13 but the moral of my story is there is always someone out there who knows what you're going through...even if you feel alone, there is someone here, you're worth ever minute someone spends with you, God made you perfect, and i promise, if knowone else is there i will be, just post on my wall i will talk i promise, you're stronger than the pressure to be perfect
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