How do you know if you really love someone?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
My work is more like a philosophical debate or a monologue than it is poetry. The question is how we define love as a feeling and how it translates itself into action.

Submitted: June 05, 2015

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Submitted: June 05, 2015

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How do you know if you really love someone?

How do you know if you really love someone? That’s a deep question. Do you feel it is important the other person should love you first? Do you feel everything should be equal? When you give something to someone should they return you the favor? How difficult it is to describe love as a feeling when it always translates itself into action. That’s why we have expectations from the other person to be loved back in return. That’s why we always look for signs their love is truly sincere. We always want to know if the other person feels the same way about us as we feel about them. Cause it would hurt, right? If you would love someone but the other person doesn’t love you the same way or not at all. He or she doesn’t seem really interested in how you feel or think about them. They don’t show you any signs of affection or worst case (for some people) they just see you as friends.

How do we deal with that? How do we forbid ourselves to become butthurt or heartbroken once we realize their ain’t no response to the feelings we have for that other person. And maybe sadly there never will be one.

Do we turn cold or start taking distance from the other one? Do we start to feel agitated or even frustrated? Do we try to forget about the other person or do we start treating them in a different way? Like being superficial in their presence or just ignoring them. Do we start to hate the people we love because they don’t give us what we hoped for? Maybe we even get angry at them all the time and start to treat them like shit just so they know how bad you feel about them now. How disappointed you are they don’t bring you the desired love and affection you were so deeply longing for.

Will it bring you the expected result? Will your actions or your behavior bring a sudden change of heart in the soul and mind of your desired one?

Will they see right through you and understand why you are acting in this way and if they do will they fall for it? Will your kind of behavior suddenly open their heart and make them love you unconditionally the way you really hoped for? Will they love you in return for your hate, your frustrations and your insecurities? Your bitterness that is a shadow above your own heart keeping you locked in ignorance and sorrow. Never being able to look further in life. To let the sunshine in your heart and to truly understand the real meaning of love.

How do you know if you really love someone? After all it’s not that difficult. You just do. You just love them. Maybe even with all your heart. You just love that person. You love them because even if they didn’t do anything special for you, something in the way they move, talk or act made you love them. Made you like that person very much. And that’s not a bad thing. Au contraire. It’s a very beautiful thing that happens in your life. That you meet that special person at that certain time and place who unlocks your heart for a moment or even for a lifetime. You were there and you were just so lucky to meet that special person. He or she did something that made you smile, that made you laugh or touched your heart in a very special way you never felt before. Life just brought you a present. A little wink and a smile. Something sincere.

So what goes wrong in the hearts and minds of the broken ones? What makes us believe that this present which was there in a certain place and moment belongs to us? What makes us believe we deserve them? Or we even own them? Like they are ours. When does the disappointment sneaks in? When does the despair arrives? When do the bitterness and all of your frustrations rise up and start to mess with your mental health before you start projecting and canalizing your anger and wrong sentiment to the one you desire? The one that once made you so happy. Who touched you right there in that special time and moment.

How difficult it is for us human beings to understand that nothing in life is truly ours and nothing or no one belongs to us or owes us anything.

How deep it goes into our own hearts and minds through seemingly endless foundations of pain and suffering that lock us to see the truth. That only beauty itself deserves to be loved unconditionally. That the only real love is the one that gives but doesn’t take. The one that cares but doesn’t suffocate.

How many lifetimes do we have to spend to come to this realization? How many more suffering do we have to go through? How many others do we have to hurt and disappoint with our selfish behavior?

Love is a feeling. There are many ways to translate this feeling even without the other person ever realizing how much you really love them. If it hurts you it only means your love wasn’t pure enough and you were expecting something in return. The only real love is the one you give without questioning. That moment you give something from your heart to another and it makes him or her smile. That’s true love and happiness. You’re not looking for a reward or to return the favor. We are not talking about a business agreement. No one signed any contract. You are just happy for the other person. When he or she smiles it touches your heart. That’s what you really care for. To see the other one happy without trying to lock them or to get something out of them. And even if someone else makes them happy, if you truly love them, you will still be happy for them. You will still wish them the best and all they ever need in life even if they will never be yours. Even if they will leave your life at a certain moment and you might not ever see them again. You will still love them for who they are and be grateful for every minute you had them in your life. 


© Copyright 2020 Thomas Oliveira. All rights reserved.

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