mad car salesmen

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Action and Adventure  |  House: Booksie Classic
Drugs, gambling, hookers, and the art of screwing over the customer.

Submitted: February 23, 2015

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Submitted: February 23, 2015

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See that old whore over there? I start making humping gestures and start moaning like a sex crazed animal. Just sold her that toyota we got in this morning, \"ahaha she'll be lucky if that piece of shit doesnt blow to pieces on the ride home\", Aldo smiles and gives me a high five. The dealership was a very dirty place right up the street from the trash burning plant and two streets away was the milk factory that let off disgusting methane rotten egg assfuck smell. It was across the street from the Walmart, where the local minorities would battle to the death with the cashier for not taking their food stamps to pay for a bottle of cheap vodka. Then you had the fat trailer trash stocking up on processed garbage as they rode around in their retard karts as they paid for everything with their disability, social security, welfare, and food stamp checks. The area was a disguisting vile work of art the devil couldn't have dreamed of a nicer spot for Lou's Used Auto Lot. Lou the owner bought the dealership with his laundered money from pimping and selling crack in the beautiful city of lynn, after multiple charges and a few years of jail time he decided to clean up his act by buying this shitty little dealership on the lynnway. His dream was to rape and take advantage of everybody, this time with a halfway legal hustle his other dream was to drink himself into oblivion everynight. They bought cars at auction cleaned them up and used their illusionary skills to make the customer think they were buying a reliable vehicle. Little did they know these were cars that were flooded, destroyed, fucked up in so many ways, some of them were even bought after dead body's were removed and cleaned out of them and that is a smell no car can ever be rid of. Jimmy and Aldo were the two salesmen they were con artist by day and rockstars by night. The did their 9-5 bids, raping and ripping off customers, then took their winnings from the daily battle to fund their fucked up adventures. This is where they would let loose with gambling, prostitutes, booze, and amounts of cocaine that would kill any average schmuck. Jimmy just sold a toyota that they bought at the auction for $200 when it came in the engine sounded like a box of marbles. They told Jose to fix it, it had massive oil leaks everywhere but noone gave a fuck. He filled it with five quarts of oil, sprayed down the engine with a pressure washer and she was good to go. I put a sticker on her for $4500 three hours later a nice old lady came down to find a new ride to get to Bingo, and visit her grandson. I ran out like a wild dog about to mangle a small rabbit like a toy. \"Why hello there young lady how could I service you today?\" \"Well I'm looking for a little car just to get to bingo and pick up some groceries here and there nothing to fancy.\" Well, we just got a really nice car in today the manager isnt here so i could probably give you a really good deal on it. It's a toyata camry, very small, extremely reliable and will last you years as long as you just change the oil. The old lady looks at the car, hmm are you sure its a reliable car? You have my guarentee miss. She was sold, all I saw in my head is the two grand profit I just made and how much blow I was gunna cop to celebrate. I knew I was in for a hell of night. \"Fuck this\" I said,\" Lou's probably drunk passed out in his tub again lets close early and get the fuck outta here.\" Aldo didn't sell anything today but he knew I would have his back at the casino after my big come up. We locked the doors, put the dealer plate on a hummer from the lot and took off to Suffolk Downs. 2 We get to the casino and check into a suite,\" I'm feeling good tonight Aldo, let's make this shit happen.\" the hotel clerk looks for an open suite,\" room 664 gentleman.\" We head onto the elevator and I call Tito for a half ounce of Blow, 30 minutes and the he's at the door, it's fucking party time. We bust out some shoelace sized lines and drink a couple glasses of whiskey, time to head to the tables. Baccarat is where I have my system, first game 5 dollars down, lost. 10 dollars down lost, 20 dollars down lost. Keep doubling I got to $200 thats when I hit and he started at the $5 mark again. A couple hours of this, crushing whiskey after whiskey I was up $1500 that's when I quit. It was a good hustle but required alot of discipline, after all the years of the ups and downs, I picked up the rhythm of when to walk away. A beautiful blonde with blue eyeshadow double D tits and an ass that could make a man cry walked up to Me. You were doing pretty good over there why'd you quit? When you seen all I've seen you learn to quit pushing your luck. \"You want to put some of that luck inside of me?\" she asked with a glimmer in her eye. You know it baby, I threw Aldo 500 bucks and took off with Blondie. We head up to the room did a few lines and start kissing, she's obviously a prostitute and I'm out to get my money's worth. She starts sucking my cock while I open the condom and forcefully bend her over. CLAP CLAP CLAP I fucking rail Blondie as her big juicy fat ass claps against my legs. I start going nuts but I dont want to nut so I starts licking her asshole smacking her ass as she screams like a mad woman. Alright I'm refocused, I bend her over the bed and pull her hair while she moans, \" I'm your dirty little whore Jimmy, Fuck Fuck Fuck, Oooo\" she growls, moans and screams like a dirty little animal. I take my dick out and rip the condom off, my dick explodes all over her face in her mouth and in her hair I smile, she smiles back. \"Clean up sexy we got some more lines to do\" I toss her a towel. I hand her $500 we do a couple lines while we toast our drink, BANG BANG BANG. \"JIMMY WE GOT A PROBLEM HERE\" I open the door, its Aldo with his hands on his knees completely out of breath, two giant bouncers looking like they're trying to dump their roid rage energy on something come and grab him. \"Get the fuck off him what the fuck did he do\" I yell, \"get back to your room or the sames gunna happen to you.\" I run down full speed and jump on one of the bouncers grabbing him by the neck and he leans over, I blast him with an uppercut and a left as he stumbles back. The other one knocks me in the back of the head with a huge right but I'm used to this shit. Aldo kicks him in the balls and he goes down. The other bouncer charges me i step to the right and blast him in the temple with a right that Ali himself couldnt have handled, he went down and we ran. Rush to the fire escape hopping down the stairs cases we just had to make it to the lot I Had the keys but the cocaine didnt make it. We made it to the lot hopped into the hummer and peeled off. \"What the fuck Aldo? what did you do now it was supposed to be a good fucking night\" Well after you left i lost the money you gave me and tried to get some casino credit, they wouldnt give it to me so me and the accountant got into an argument and the bouncer came over and put his hands on me so I socked him in the mouth. It was a heat of the moment thing you know how it is man. \"\"Your a fucking asshole Aldo\" I said with a smile, \"you owe me some coke and a room you piece of shit.\" Aldo Smiles back \"I got you.\" 3 They both get to the dealership around 8 no sleep of course sleeps for fucking pussies. Do a couple wake up lines at my desk before anyone gets there. \"Gunna be another slow day huh Jimmy?\" Not if i have anything to do with it. I pour myself a glass of whiskey and get to hustling. I read my e-mails and one guy is interested in a hyundai with a rotted out frame. I E-mail this douchebag back, I'ts in great shape be here around three. I pull in the car into the shop and put it onto a lift. The frame is a disaster, control arm is caved in, it's undrivable. \"Jose!\" I want you to weld this together so this asshole can drive it out of here. \"Yes sir!\" Jose was a good mechanic and a good guy at heart, he hated working for these scumbags but he had a wife and two little fucks to support so his morales were thrown out the window for the almighty dollar. Jose welded up the frame the epitome of a hack job and the customer arrived to take a look. Some bald ghetto hillbilly that didnt know shit besides how to collect welfare and smoke meth. Toothless, probably weighed about 400 lbs had a US army tanktop that he most likley found in the street.\" Here she is sir, these hyundais are very reliable top of the line korean engineering.\" \"I hate them fuckin gooks but I needs me's something good on gas to make my runs.\"\" Well sir, this will get you wherever you need to go I guarentee that, the price is 2800.\" In reality the car was worth $300 if that, knowing that the hacked up frame would most likely collapse by the end of the month but thats fine, once the customer hands over the cash to me It's the buyers problem. \"Well I'll give you 1500\" the ghetto hillbilly says with his toothless grin. \"Can't do it sir we are a respected dealership and this car has been completely safety inspected and is top of the line, I like you sir you seem like a good man looking for a good deal and i appreciate the balls you have trying to get what you want for a low price, so If you act right now I'll give her to you for 2200, that's a deal you won't find anywhere else.\" The ghetto hillbilly smiles \"I'll do dat\" they shake hands sign the papers and the ghetto hillbilly drives away in his new nightmare. I smile, \" got my fun coupons for the night. \" Lou stumbles into the dealership knocking over chars and falls into a desk, \"what the fuck are you faggots doing we've got all these fucking cars and you've been averaging one a day get the fuck to work.\" I smile, no point in arguing with the man he's already so far gone any negative response will just lead to more yelling and bullshit. I know I run this joint, this stupid fuck can believe and say anything he wants. \"Sorry Lou things have been slow round here, me and Aldo will pick up the pace.\" He grunts and heads to his office opens the draw and pours a drink looking at papers pretending like he knows what he's doing. \"I need a gaddamn secretary he yells\" I smile at the opurtunity, a nice young girl I could bang in the office. \"I'll put up and ad for a secretary right now sir, we'll have one in no time.\" \"Good\" Lou stumbles out the door into his caddy and takes off. \"Fuck that asshole,\" I say to Aldo, \"mother fucker shows up once or twice a week just to yell about stupid shit, It's a miracle this place is still running.\" I was always one to work with what i've got so I got back to hustling. A young girl and her dad showed up to the lot \"Aldo you take this one you still owe me some drugs and a room for the night you better make your nut today.\" Aldo was a good salesman but he didnt have the fire that I had to get things done with the most profit. He sold them an actually decent car, a honda civic but he only made 300 dollars on the deal but shit it's better than nothing. I take a two hour nap in my office to regain some strength for the madness we would get into tonight. I wake up, Aldo takes his nap and by that time it's 5 o' clock, time to hit the town. 4 Theres an underground poker tournament In Chinatown tonight $200 buy in and the winner walks away with $5000 we're game. We pass a bottle of Jim Beam back and fourth on the ride in, underground chinatown. Aldo was one to lose his cool at the casinos but the poker tournaments were his niche, I had faith in the man usually that's all you need. Chinatown was a strange place looked nice on the outside but the underground gambling scene and prostitution ring was huge, It was a well designed place. Those gooks knew how to keep there business private. We arrived at a food store roasted chicken and fish, weird Chinese delicacies, theres a back door in the shop, this is where the magic happens. We walk down a cement flight of stairs to a smokey basement, \"it's pretty quiet tonight,\" about 12 tables me and Aldo take a seat at about three tables from the door. \"Ahhhh didn't you learn last time round eye\" the dealer smirks. Last time we were here we ended up 5 grand in the hole and had an unfriendly encounter about paying our tab, but luckily we hustled up the money before it turned into a real a problem. Cards are dealt we have our ups and downs these gooks are hard to read, I get eliminated but Aldo and this Mister Myagi mother fucker with a beard and a fidora cap are the last two standing, Aldo gets dealt two kings from the get go he bets high, Myagi raises, Aldo matches and first card flips, it's an ace of spades. Both stand, next card is a 10 of hearts, Aldo smiles and goes all in, you can see he felt it, Mr Myagis feeling good about his hand too, he matches the bet. Last card flips, BAM! a fucking king, Myagi shows his cars three 10s, Aldo flips his cards and he's got three fucking Kings, the universe is in our favor tonight. \"You fucking prick i knew there was a reason i kept you around!\" I smile at Aldo. We head straight to the glass slipper, a lil strip club on the corner. We go in and order shot after shot, it's time to celebrate. We get four girls one sknny blonde, one busty redhead, a brazillian with a fat ass and pink hair, and a black beauty with tits like a dream. They take us to the back room for a private party, we start throwing out hundred dollar bills and pass around a couple bottles of scotch, it's fucking beautiful. I whip my dick out, blondie and pinky start sucking hard, Aldo gets the other two, he fucks red from behind while she sucks blacks pussy like a shopvac. This is paradise. We leave the club smiling like little kids with a free pass to canyland, all I can smell is pussy, a black car pulls up to us. The rear window rolls down It's Myagi. He points a 40 cal at Aldo and says get in you cheat, Aldo turns and looks me in the eye, we're on the same wavelength, without hesitation we book it down the alley right next to us. Shots are fired, the car peels out, there's a fire escape in the alley and we run up it. \" Can't we ever have a normal fucking night\" Aldo yells, I smile. We get up to the roof the buildings are close in chinatown so we hop a couple roofs. Theres a roof access door in front of us but it's locked, I pull out my pick set and try to stay relaxed. \"Hurry the fuck up dude they're gunna find us\" Aldo yells\",\"relax I got this\" lock opens and we get inside. The buildings abandoned so we just hang out for a little, peeking out the window and trying to stay quiet. I call for an Uber cab to meet us out front, we pull our hoods over our heads and get to the cab as casually as possible. I shake my head \"man I don't know how much longer I'm gunna be able to do this for.\" 5 We get to work A little early the next day. \"How in the fuck are we gunna get that car back Lous gunna flip?\" Aldo calls his cousin Jeremy, he gives him and his buddy $500 to retrieve the car, 30 minutes later Jeremy calls \" man the windows are smashed tires are stabbed it looks like this thing got hit by a fucking train.\"\" AWESOME FOUR GOOKS WITH BATS WENT TO TOWN ON OUR HUMMER,\" I call a tow truck and have it brought back to the shop, \"we'll figure shit out.\" The hummer gets back and it's crumpled like a fucking can, I smile \"how in the fuck do we get ourselves into this shit?\" I send her to the body shop. \"\"There goes our winnings kid.\" I say to Aldo. He replies \" you ever think if we tried to just live like normal people, this fucked up shit wouldn't happen?\"\" ya in a perfect world but that seems pretty fuckin boring,\" I reply. I pour us some whiskey and we play cards til the next sucker comes to the shop. Jose's out back sweeping and mopping trying to look busy, poor guy just wants to make an honest living. Fuck that life, me and Aldo knew the world was ours and all the fucked up shit it would put us through would never stop us. A man tried to shoot me last night and I smiled and stayed relaxed, bring your worst worId I thought. No customers today so we just relaxed, fuck it, I've got a grand in my pocket we'll find something. Work got out, we didnt have our usual party spirit, too much energy used up in the past couple days of madness. We both needed a goddamn break, we stopped at hollistics spa. These sexy little asian chicks, they wash you, massage you, and give you a nice handjob to top it all off. A nice recharege, fills your vitality meter to the top. We went, I got a nice handjob from a sexy little Japanese broad, had a hard time getting a good nut cuz of the perks I took on the ride over. I needed some pain relief, my head was still pounding from the punch in the head at the casino. \"Why you no cum fo me\" the lil asian broad yelled. \"I need a lil bit more baby. \" She bust out a condom put it on with her mouth and hopped on my chest like a bunny rabbit, \" I make you feel good baby\" she rode my cock like a bitch getting convulitions from electricution. I don't know where in the fuck or how in the fuck she got these moves but it was heaven. I was about to cum but i didnt want to, it felt to good. \" Slap me you little asian whore\" I screamed. She slapped me with the strength of a 5 year old, \" harder you cunt\" pain always kept me from nutting, a beautiful escape where you didnt even think about it. I let her ride my cock for another five minutes and then I busted like a shaken up sprite bottle. I'm pretty sure the condom broke but I didn't give a fuck. She gave me a kiss goodbye and I left the room, Aldo was out at the exact same time. \" Man thats all i needed nothing cures the tension like a good rub down\" I smiled and we went back to the car. No hummer tonight we had to settle for a camry that nobody wanted, hell it was a nice change. We had no plans for that night, no intentions of gambling, no hustling, nothing, just relax and keep things cool. We stop at a bar up the road it was called the 621, very quiet, boring place, but thats what we needed after the last two nights of madness. Every man needs some recovery time. We sit down I order some Barbeque Chicken Tips, Aldo orders a steak. We talk, play keno, eat food. \"Where you feel like going kid?\" I ask Aldo he cant put his phone down, he met some broad on OKCUPID and they've been texting all day and night. \"This chicks gunna pick me up here, I'll probably stay with her man ,I need a night with a good girl, get the fuck outta this insanity for a little.\" I smile,\" good shit man, Have fun, fuck her good. \"Aldo laughs,\" what are you gunna get into you crazy fuck?\"\" I'll go wherever the world takes me man,\" he smiles and pays my tab. Here I am again alone with my insane ass, luckily I'm next to a liquor store. I buy a small bottle of jack daniels and keep walking. Maybe I'll head into Boston there aint much else going on so I start my journey. I walk to malden station and take a train out to haymarket. It's the normal crowd, guys dressed up nice acting like they have something to offer besides being a useless douche and stupid broads dressed slutty pretending like they don't want to suck your cock behind a dumpster. Boston is a strange place, a big mix of random fucks, some of them grew up rich and act like cunts, others are homeless begging for five bucks. We have the rich culture and the poor culture and the middle class that's just full of shit. I just walk through, just the strange guy trying to find some cheap thrills. I go by the aquarium, I feel bad for the poor manitees set up out front in a small glass cage while all the dumb tourists watch and take pictures. \"These are beatiful creatures,\" I think to myself, \"who is the ruthless worthless fuck that put them in this stupid little cage.\" I stop by 7-11, grab a small bottle of yager a 40 0z and continue my travels drinking as I go along. It's a strange feeling, I know nothing good is going to come out of tonight but i keep going anyway. I see a club it has bright mulicolored lights and like a brain dead moth I am highly attracted to it. I put the rest the yager in my pocket and polish off the rest of the 40, shake my head like an animal and fuck im ready. I walk down the stairs, some EDM is blasting and crazy lights are going off. \"I think I like it here,\" i say to myself, women in skimpy bright colored outfits, pink leather thongs, tiny bras, just dancing and dancing and dancing. It was beautiful.I decided to get into the mix and I see this dark haired girl wearing nothing but a bright green leather bra and thong with glowing lights in her hair. I rub up to her acting like I know how to dance and she's into it. She bends over rubbing her ass on my cock like a horny lil bunny. I pretend like I can dance but I just move back and fourth, I must be doing something right cuz she likes it. We start kissing like sex crazed animals, I want her bad, more passion and energy than any prostitute or dumb girlfriend could give me. I kiss her, we do for a moment then we break apart. She smiles, \"try this baby\" she puts a little tab on my toungue, we start making out touching and dry humping we make our way to the bathroom. I bend her over the toilet and spit on her pussy, but I'm still responsible enough to slip on a condom. I start fucking her and it's good, but after a couple minutes it becomes AMAZING. I feel like I'm fucking the whole universe and becoming one with everything. She is clearly on this level too, we become one. Just fucking and screaming and yelling how we are everything and this is it, it's beautiful. I ripped off the comdom turned her around and came all over her tits. It was beautiful, i tossed her some toilet paper, kissed her goodbye and went back into the show. I was tripping hard at this point the music was great but all the people they kept jumping through the colors and trying to steal them. It was too much for my mind to handle. I grabbed my phone and even though it looked like a small pizza luckily I had enough sense and skill to dial Aldo's number. \"ALDO!!!\" \"Whats up Jimmy?\" please help me im stuck in a dimension of space women and lights that blind and seduce me.\" Whats your street I'll send a cab.\" A cab rolls up five minutes later, I can tell It's a cab but it looks like a spaceship to mars. I open the door, \"Jimmy I've been looking for you\" the vibe is good so I enter. \"Your friend Aldo sent me to get you\" I can't even talk the man looks like a goat with a bow in his hair. \"Thanks\" I mutter, he takes me back to Aldos place, he has two women there but my mind has taken a beating. I pass out on his couch within 10 minutes. 6 Aldo wakes me up,\" time for work dude.\" I just want to go in the corner and die, the acid showed me the life I live is bullshit and that was a demon I was not in the mood to face. I got my shit together and we headed to work. I took a nap in my office for an hour until I heard a knock. It was Jose \" these people want to look at the Ford Taurus you had on craigslist\". I snapped outta my slump and brought them to the car. Timing chain issues but I didnt give a fuck, i showed them the car, beautiful, reliable, in great shape, low mileage, and the mother fuckers didnt want it they said they might come back. I said if you buy now 3600 which was a $300 knockoff of the asking price. Just got dumb looks from this newly married couple. I can't deal with these people, fucking useless, unable to think and react just spent their whole lives living in a program they led up to believe was right. I lost it. To much stress In the last three days \"fucking retards its a fucking nice car buy it you cunts\" the acid flashed back in they looked like storm troopers \"buy it or I'll mouth fuck darth vader\" the couple were douchebags and I was a douchebag on drugs so it just got out of hand. They ran away fast and never looked back, we still have the peel out marks at the dealership. \"Aldo we gutta sell some fuckin cars,\" we were both beat down to hell wishing we werent so stupid but pity never saved anyone. I got back on craigslist responding to every e-mail I've got in the past couple days. We had a few buyers, Aldo sold a Santa Fe that was flood damaged but we fixed for 500 bucks and it sold for 7,000. I sold an old lincoln and a honda civic, both decent cars after we fixed em up. It was a good day, we just had to keep going working with what we had. 7 I was in one of my moods, I rushed home and pounded whiskey as fast as throat could drink it. Ordered an 8 ball from tito and sniffed myself to paradise, I didnt want to go back to reality at any cost. I cleared out my safe, I had xanax, percocet, a quarter ounce of mushrooms and a gun. I used everything but the gun. My mind bouncing between heaven and hell all night, me and my dim lit room. I had to face myself i know it was the mushrooms, I've been a piece of shit ripping people off for their money. I have done nothing with my life besides get fucked up as humanly possible, screw people over, and waste all my earnings on complete bullshit. I had to face the man I was and kill him. \"I will never be that again\" as I cried and screamed, \"I'm sorry, so fucking sorry, I will never be that again\" I stayed up all night, blowing lines and drinking whiskey in between, but the mushrooms were the ruling factor in this whole ordeal. They have destroyed my ego and the man I was I could never be again. I still kept drinking and blowing lines in my shitty worthless apartment all night the clock struck 7:30, time to get ready for work but i was in no state to go back to that world. I called Aldo \"I'm not going to be able to come today man got some personal issues\" I left it at that. We all go to our hell every once in a while and its for you to deal with alone, we both knew that so he put up no fuss. 8 That day ghetto hillbilly came back, his right wheel collapsed due to a rotted subframe and he had to get his car towed back to his trailer. \"What der fuck is this I want my money back\" he found Aldo and showed him the car with the flopping wheel. \" Sorry sir but you inspected the vehicle and bought it there is nothing I can do.\" YOU SOLD ME A FALLING APART PIECE OF SHIT GIVE ME MY FUCKING MONEY BACK OR THERES GUNNA BE HELL TO PAY.\" Aldo shook his head trying to stay composed,\" I can't do anything for you sir you already bought the vehicle.\" Ghetto Hillbilly pulls a gun out of his belt with a devilish red look in his eyes\"I WANT MY FUCKING MONEY BACK!\" Aldo screams \"okay sir no problem\" but there was no controlling hillbilly redneck, he grabbed Aldo by the neck and put the gun to his temple, \"YOU LIKE RIPPIN HARD WORKNG AMERICANS OFF?\" \"NO SIR\" Aldo shrieked. Aldo was terrified this man was fucking insane and he had a pistol, things were not looking good. Ghetto Hillbilly just starts repeating \"THIS IS WHAT YOU GET\"THIS IS WHAT YOU GET\"THIS IS WHAT YOU GET\" Luckily JOSE was in the garage and he was skilled with his guns, always had a 45 with a scope in his toolbox. He was watching the whole time and had the gun at ghetto hillbillys head. I't got to the point where BOOM Jose fired and put a bullet right between ghetto hillbillys eyes. Jose did what he had to do, he saved Aldo's life. I went back to work the net day shaking both Jose and Aldo's hands being thankful they were alive and well. Maybe I'm selfish but all i could think about is how the fuck do I get out of here where the fuck do I go? This life just aint cuttin it.


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