'Damaged'

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
this is a sommary of my life and how it is, to use a coined phraze, a lie.

Submitted: May 23, 2011

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Submitted: May 23, 2011

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'Damaged'

by Tim Hanrahan


pathetic shit, stupid child, arrogant moron these are the things i see myself as when i strut around acting like the humble soldier with arms of concrete. "pathetic little kid, you'll never be as big as your brothers your just a stupid little faggot we love to laugh at". we give him an arm wrestle, he crumbles, "do you think hes faking it, he cant be that weak can he?"


"a taste for whiskey, bigger than any of his friends, he weighs as much as a small bear, hes as smart as a scholar we know its true because if we ever forget it he will be sure to remind us with a blade of a smile on his insecure little face". "talk slow treat him with care he needs help". so big but so little. what are we if not ourselves what can you be if you don't have any self do be. if you live your life playing a character you never truly grow yourself, and here i am a little kid in the body of a sub-adult. "ignore him he'll go away". "he needs a sense of humor". "your too Sensitive Tim you need to laugh a little".


"you alright mate, he kisses me on my cheek the way you would a child with a grazed knee", "don't worry its OK it'll stop hurting soon" Fuck off dick!. he gets angry and in a sudden and unexpected rage he roars off.....he only finds his strength in defeat and by then its to little too late. he forces all his rage on an inanimate object, 'if i can break it with my fist ill be strong!' he punches, Smack.....it barley even moves, "what a pathetic little shit cant even break a brittle piece of plastic".


he charges at his foe ' hes huge if he tackled you he would break steel if not bone!' its a bluff, his aggressor merely leans forward and he blocks in shame "Ha ha stupid cunt!". a leech in cardboard Armour. hes as brittle as he is weak a single punch to the arm and hes done why does 'God' mock us with such a pathetic toy, he breaks the moment you play with him.


he enjoys a sense of success 'they bought it!' it will always end up the same way, he'll cry, they'll laugh, the lion is once again a mouse, what now......all that's left is to try and look like the lion again until the next crushing blow, fucking hell whats the point why don't i just admit I'm a pathetic cunt and that's what i get, that's what i deserve, am i strong if so then I'm broken am i weak if so then i am discovered, hopeless little prick cant even fake strength.


tattoos, cigars, snakes and facial hair, he wants to look hard, why?, is it something to do with him or is it just how he is treated, carried like a child thrashing to an undeserved tit. exclusivity, exclusivity, exclusivity, he wants to be alone in his pride, he wants to be better than us ( just for once, to taste that golden taste of bliss, freedom, what i want) hes a joke he just wants to be bigger than us!


i just want to be as big as i look, a balloon filed with water, not air.


whats that you achieved a goal, so what , we've all done that!. you always put yourself down, your great.....i tell them the truth but the lie is to strong, they pity me for nothing for they see a strong warrior.


"don't do that its bad for you, if i don't teach you how will you learn, don't do that you'll get hurt, that's right keep yourself clean, this was my idea your learning off me because I'm older than you, i am your elder and your superior!" shut up i know its not right, i know it will hurt, i know its bad for me, i would have done it without you, i can do it myself!.


i can do it myself, i cant work alone, I'm strong, I'm frail, i know my way, i am a fool the mind boggles under the pressure of my confusion, no pearl will not grow within such a shining shell. am i stupid or just selfish. my kingdom to be blissfully ignorant......if only i wasn't so ignorant.



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